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Original poster

still not sleeping through!

41 replies

emilykatesmum · 23/01/2004 15:55

hi my little girl is 9mths and still doesn't sleep through.
We had a weeks worth of goodnights from hear but where back to sqaure one again with it all.

She now wakes after 4hrs and sometimes after 3!!!

any advice would b greatful i need some sleep

OP posts:
bobthebaby · 23/01/2004 21:57

My ds finally cracked it at 10.5 months, so maybe sleep is just around the corner.

motherinferior · 23/01/2004 22:05

I'm quite sure you are sick of hearing this, but have you tried all the various controlled crying techniques?

I really do feel for you. You must be tortured.

kiwisbird · 23/01/2004 22:13

Both of mine wre pretty bad, DS 1 was dreadful it was 15 mths before I cracked the controlled crying bit on him
With DD I decided one yr was her limit, she did it at 11.5 mths!
Patience and perseverence
it is ungodly dealing with more than one awakening per night...

suzywong · 23/01/2004 22:13

My DS1 didn't sleep through until 21 months,count them 21!!!!!

Clarinet60 · 23/01/2004 23:03

20 months and still going strong (waking more than 3 times a night).
aaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggggghhhhhhh!

Clarinet60 · 23/01/2004 23:05

sorry emilykatesmum, this must be really depressing for you!
I'm a complete novice, as DS1 was a brilliant sleeper so I was spoiled.
Everyone said to me 'don't have another, you never get two the same ' - they were right!

ninjinglebells · 23/01/2004 23:09

me too - it's tiring isn't it.

Obviously I can't help you butjust think we must have hyper-intelligent super stimulated little bundles of joy if only we weren't so sleep deprived to enjoy them!

butterflymum · 23/01/2004 23:15

Baby sleeping bag?

Bede · 24/01/2004 00:08

When my DD was 3 weeks old I was really suffering as she wanted to feed ALL NIGHT! The I found a wonderful book called 'The Baby Whisperer' by Tracey Hogg which gave some really good advice on sleep techniques - it worked for me, my daughter has slept through from about 4 weeks

charlieplus3 · 24/01/2004 13:03

dd 20 months still wakes at least twice in the night. DD 18 weeks, little angel, sleeps through in a bag and in own room.

There will be a light at end of tunnel, just may be a while getting there! Sorry cant help.

allatsea · 24/01/2004 14:01

we've just implemented the pick up/put down approach from the Baby whisperer book. After a few difficult days dd is sleeping through and settling himself to sleep without feeding/rocking etc etc

charlieplus3 · 24/01/2004 14:07

hiya allatsea. Havnt read the whisperer book. Hope it carries on working for you!

I made up my own place in bag, put in cot and close door approach!

Works well, cannot and will not make same mistakes as did with dd

Clarinet60 · 25/01/2004 12:23

Could anyone do a precis of the pick up/put down baby whisperer stuff so I could try it tonight?
I'm car-less so can't get to bookshop, but desperate for sleep. He wants to feed all night too.

allatsea · 25/01/2004 13:42

Hi Droile,
www.babywhisperer.com is a good place to start. The site has a message area with a section on sleep. In the general sleep issues are a number of interesting articles, one is a 20 page q&a with Tracy Hogg, the woman behind the BW, another is called pu/pd - 3 month old - info from consult with Tracy and a 3rd shows you how to do the 'Aussie swaddle'. The philosophy, as I understand it, is to remove a child's reliance on props to get to sleep, and help them learn how to settle themselves to sleep and to follow what she calls the EASY routine (Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time). If you read the articles there are some differences in how pu/pd might work, but I can tell you how I used it. I fed DS when he woke up, we played for about 1/2 hour until he started to look tired. I then 'Aussie swaddled him' took him into his room, drew the curtains and explained that it was time for him to have his nap. We sat on the chair for a few minutes, not rocking or anything, just being still. I then carried him over to his cot and said 'sleep well, I'll see you when you wake up' and put him down.
The first time I did this he cried straight away so I picked him up and sat in the chair (ie, no rocking to sleep etc) and patted his back and ssshhh until he was calm.. Apparantly waves of crying come in 3s, it took about 10 minutes for DS to be calm. I then repeated what he did before. If he really cried I then picked him up and patted/ssshhhed until he was calm again and then put him down. I did this for about 40 minutes I suppose. After a while when you put him down he fusses but doesn't cry as hard. What I did then was lie DS on his side so that he could suck his hand more easily and so that I could continue to rub his back more easily. I continued to rub and pat until he was really calm, and his breathing became slower and more regular and he was calm enough to sleep (for maybe another 20 mins) I then left him. If he had really cried hard again (ie you know, screaming) I would have picked him up and started over. If DS wakes long before his next feed is due I repeat the process to try and settle him back to sleep until either he goes back to sleep or it is time for his next feed (3 hours after his last one). She recommends keeping a note of when he has fed/slept so that you can use this to help you interpret whether or not crying relates to tiredness or hunger.
She has a programme on Discovery Health. She usually goes in and insists on the EASY schedule so that you can be confident that your child isn't hungry before going to bed. With some of the children on the programme the initial pu/pd has gone on for hours, literally, but has still worked within 4 days.
On the BW site, you're advised to do this for every nap/sleep for 2 days. Each time it gets easier. Two days after starting it DS slept through the night (from 10.30pm feed to 5.30am) and now I can either just draw curtains etc and put him straight down or maybe pat/sshhh for 3/4 mins. From the site I learned that if you're consistent then the new pattern is usually learnt within 4 days, although there can be hiccups on day 5 or 6.
It's horrible sitting there listening to them cry and cry knowing that if you fed them/rocked them etc they'd be quiet straight away, but the results have been extraordinary.
hope this helps

Clarinet60 · 25/01/2004 16:16

Thanks allatsea, that's great!

allatsea · 25/01/2004 16:18

let me know how you get on. I know that I sound like a missionary for BW and it is hard, but if you stick with it it does seem to work.

Good luck

clairemagnolia · 25/01/2004 16:22

Have you tried sleeping next to your baby? Your baby will be comforted by your presence and your warmth and that way everyone will get more sleep. In many people's opinion, the reason why "controlled crying techniques" make babies sleep through isn't because the baby learns to "settle itself" but because the baby gives up on its needs being met. Surely not such a good way to help our children learn to trust in our love? Please - are there not more mums out there who think "sleep training" is barbaric and who have found more respectful ways of helping our children sleep?

hercules · 25/01/2004 17:24

that makes sense clairemagnolia. i was considering trying a method to get dd to sleep as never did this with ds. never did with ds as thought it was a bit cruel. i dont think i will do anything with dd although would be nice to have lots of sleep. still i suppose its natural for babies to wake ? excuse onehanded typing.

aloha · 25/01/2004 17:41

Not all babies sleep well next to their parents - like my son, for example. We've had all this 'barbaric' stuff hundreds of times on this site and it always ends in tears.

aloha · 25/01/2004 17:42

Also, unless you are prepared to go to bed at 8pm and sleep for 12hours, there willbe times when all babies have to sleep alone at least for a while. Anyway, MUSTN'T rise to bait...

lailag · 25/01/2004 17:42

clairmagnolia, nice to read your comments. both dd and ds had/have the "bad babits" of sleeping next to me and bf themselves back to sleep several times a night. I know it won't last for ever

lailag · 25/01/2004 17:45

hm, sounds nice, go to sleep at 8, for 12 hours. Anyway aloha, you r right, too many discussions about it already
but just a bit boored at the moment as dd sleeping in my lap

allatsea · 25/01/2004 18:54

Droile, did I make it clear that you don't leave DD to cry? You're with her the whole time so that she doesn't feel abandoned?
I think you're wise Aloha maybe I should leave well alone

boredofthis · 26/01/2004 10:15

Afraid I'm going to rise to the bait. Why is it barbaric to teach your child to settle themselves to sleep? If we become permanent props for our children to sleep then how are they supposed to manage when that luxury is withdrawn? Isn't it more cruel to one day say 'okay now you've got to sleep one your own'... Unless you are suggesting that we sleep with our children until they reach adulthood? And I also agree with Aloha that all babies have to sleep alone at some point unless you go to bed at eight o clock with them so it's a pointless exercise anyway.

And I'm sorry but surely it isn't great for our relationships to permanently share beds with our children? Don't know about you but I plan to have some sex some time soon... and I'm not sure I want my dd to be a witness

lailag · 26/01/2004 10:24

allright, dd (and ds in the past) would cry regardless of me picking him/her up unless bf him/her to sleep. In fact usually often cry more when I entered the room than before they saw me.
although ds now sleeps with us he has also happily slept on his own when he was 2.5 years old, not really adult
When they do all sleep with us a bit of noise etc from dh and me would not wake them up. Finally , i would not mind a baby witnesseing whatever dh and i are up to....