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Sleep

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Original poster

shall i lock him in his room!?

62 replies

HeartShapedSaw · 28/02/2013 09:21

Ds is 2.8. Four months ago I started super nanny style sleep training. He can now fall asleep alone in his room at bedtime after a few put back to beds. However, after four months he is still waking at night and screaming the place down because he wants to come in my bed. He did improve for a while, hut not for long and not dramatically. I'm losing my will power and I think if it hasn't worked in 4 months its probably not going to.
I explain to him every night he has to stay in his own bed, but as soon as night time comes he doesn't care. There is a safety gate on his door, so I just put him back to bed hundreds of times when he wakes, but he's up again twenty minutes later. I'm so sick if it, I'm starting work soon and I need sleep!
A friend told me she held her dds door shut when she woke in the night and she learned to to back to bed. Seems q little drastic but I'm all out of ideas! I've done my time! Surely I deserve sleep now he is nearly three ffs! Help me!

OP posts:

KD0706 · 28/02/2013 16:44

Oh, I feel bad for you. I've got an almost three year old who was up lots last night and I actually cried because I was so tired (I do have a nightmare one year old as well, but it was the three year old that I wept at)

I don't have any answers for you but didn't want you to be left unanswered.

My gut is that I wouldn't lock him in.

Have you thought of a gro clock? We've got one for our DD and in general she doesn't call us till her light is green.

Original poster

HeartShapedSaw · 28/02/2013 17:54

I hadn't thought of that. I don't know if he would get it.. but I guess anything is worth a go! I'm dreading tonight...

OP posts:

ubik · 28/02/2013 17:59

Do not lock him in. What if you have a fire?

Can you let him get in your bed in the early mornings? Will he sleep - sometimes it's a case of needs must and he will eventually grow out of early morning waking.

Otherwise Groclock might work, or you and your partner taking it in turns to get up with him.

juule · 28/02/2013 18:01

Can you put him back to bed and lie with him until he nods off?
What about a small camp bed for him in your room that he can get into if he wakes up in the night?

I wouldn't lock him in. Poor thing he's not even 3 yet. Maybe he's frightened or feeling lonely. He will grow out of it. It's just finding the best way to get through this stage.

KD0706 · 28/02/2013 18:02

My Dd got her clock for Christmas. She turns three end of april so she would have been... [does mental math!!]... Two years and eight months old when she got it. And she did understand it. She is so proud of herself in the morning shouting 'mum, clock turn green'.

She's not perfect now by any means (last night she said she had a sore ear but I've no idea of she actually did or of it was her playing up). But much better. Maybe shouts us once a fortnight. Which I imagine sounds like bliss to you.

KD0706 · 28/02/2013 18:03

I agree with the others that it is just a stage and he will grow out of it. But I know from personal experience that when you're in the middle of sleep deprivation hell it's hard to see that it will ever end.

Original poster

HeartShapedSaw · 28/02/2013 18:33

I'm not prepared to sleep in his room if stay there while he falls asleep, that's the one habit I managed to break over the four months. Before that I had to air there for two hours while he fell asleep and again in the night when he woke.

I think the fact I do occasionally bring him into my bed if he wakes at 5 or 6 am is why he might be waking at night. He doesn't know what time it us so expects me to let him come in my room...

I am trying to stop it but in a sleepy haze I sometimes give in, so I guess he can't be blamed as its my inconsistency causing the problem.

It's just me here, no partner to share the load!

OP posts:

soupmaker · 28/02/2013 18:38

I so feel your pain. Sleep deprivation is sheer torture. This really is just a phase.

DD spent months in our bed at this age. Like you I didn't want to sleep with her.

You've done great to get him going to sleep on his own. I'd put up with him coming in with you in the middle of the night. You'll both get more sleep in all likelihood and he'll grow out of it.

NettletonMummy · 28/02/2013 18:39

What about a reward chart? Give him a star if he stays in his own bed all night and if he gets 3 stars he gets a present or some sort of reward. Bribery worked with ours when she was going through the same thing!

seeker · 28/02/2013 18:42

Just let him into your bed. You'll all get more sleep, he'll grow out of it and you'll have lovely cuddles. Honestly. It is really, really not worth fighting.

Iggly · 28/02/2013 18:50

Why not stay in his room when he does wake then? Or give him a little night light so he doesn't get scared

montage · 28/02/2013 18:52

Just let him come into your bed when he wakes during the night. He wakes and feels the need for you and comfort. You may find he grows out of the need to do it faster once he has learnt that that comfort is reliably available.

Original poster

HeartShapedSaw · 28/02/2013 18:58

Hmm. Nobody has ever said to let him sleep in my bed before.. most say you have to get him to sleep in his own bed at all costs!

The reason I started this training is because he woke loads in the evening when I was trying to chill out or have friends over, and that pisses me off! He just woke up now and took half hour to to back to sleep.

I don't not want him in my bed, but I don't see how I can stop him waking in the evening before I go to bed if he knows he can call me whenever he wakes up. I'm so torn :(

OP posts:

KD0706 · 28/02/2013 19:38

It is hard isn't it. I'm very much of the mind that we should be available to our babies / young children and go and comfort them of they need/want it.

But I'm lucky that my elder dd doesn't seem to demand it much so it's easy for me to say. Younger one is another matter at the moment but so far I'm managing to stick to my rule of comforting her of she needs it.

I understand not wanting him in your bed. I used to often go to the spare bed with my eldest when she was younger but she went through a few months of not sleeping with me when she was a little over two and I've resisted so far the temptation of bringing her into bed with me. She's the sort of child that of I did it once she would expect it all the time.

(btw my iPhone keeps correcting all my ifs to ofs. Blooming thing)

KD0706 · 28/02/2013 19:39

Sorry I've realised I mis read your pot and you said you don't not want him in bed w you. Feel fee to ignore me!

FryingNemo · 28/02/2013 19:44

I resorted to bribery with DD at this age. For every night she stayed in her bed she could choose a my little pony from a big bag we bought at a car boot sale. It took two weeks but it worked!

Original poster

HeartShapedSaw · 28/02/2013 19:50

I tried to bribe him with a chocolate bunny! But he doesn't seem to care! I so hope this phase will end soon.

OP posts:

seeker · 28/02/2013 20:10

I think that if people get more sleep if everyone's in bed together then go for it. Doesn't help the waking in the evening thing though-but it does mean that you know that once you go to bed you won't be up lots of times, and he will get better sleep, and be happy and secure and you will be less tired and less tense.. Which might just help with the evening waking too.

Original poster

HeartShapedSaw · 28/02/2013 20:21

I see what you're saying. But as a single parent the evening is the only time I have to myself, to see friends or watch a film or something, and I guess Im just not prepared to give that up without a fight.

DS used to sleep in my bed for almost a year, but the evening thing never changed, its only been since this sleep training I am trying that he has woken less in the evenings. I just dont see why it hasnt worked really. I dont want DS to be upset but I do think he is old enough to understand that he should be sleeping in his own bed and not calling me a million times a night!

OP posts:

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 28/02/2013 20:22

I agree with seeker, don't worry, he will grow out of it eventually. Being upset every night will be horrible for him and wearing for you.

I would say if he is less stressed he will gradually sleep better.

tacal · 28/02/2013 20:24

ds and I share a bed. I think it stops him worrying about being alone at night so he sleeps all night. Once he is asleep I leave him and I can get things done or watch tv and I know I wont be disturbed by him waking. When I go to bed, he wakes a few times but goes back to sleep after checking I am there. My ds is quite an anxious person, so it seemed to be the best option for us. You must be very tired, I hope your ds starts sleeping through the night soon. Good luck!

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 28/02/2013 20:25

I think the fact you are describing it as a 'fight' highlights the issue, if you're fighting, he is also fighting so hardly likely to be relaxed happy sleep going on.

I understand your issue about evenings but maybe once you stop fighting so will he.

Totally disagree he is old enough not to need you, 2.8 is very little IMO.

tacal · 28/02/2013 20:28

My ds goes to bed later than most of his friends. Would that help, if your ds went to bed later so he was more tired? It must be hard for you. I am a lone parent to so totally understand what you mean about needing time to yourself.

BCBG · 28/02/2013 20:30

Please please please don't lock him in - I am 52 faints at the admission and I can still remember my mother locking me in.... ...she told me years later that it was only a couple of times but in my memory it was forever and I am still terrified of being shut in anywhere. It will leave scars. I agree with everyone that says he will grow out of it - all my dcs were different, but with the last one i ended up letting her come and join me but I made sure life was deadly dull, I would read a book, there were nio cuddles or drinks, I said very little, I just got on with 'night time'. After about six months of false starts, she gave up!

SirBoobAlot · 28/02/2013 20:32

No. Don't be so fucking cruel. FFS. I don't care how sleep deprived you are, how much you want him to sleep. Don't lock him in a room.

Both you and your friend need a reality check if you think that's acceptable way to deal with children.

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