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Original poster

shall i lock him in his room!?

62 replies

HeartShapedSaw · 28/02/2013 09:21

Ds is 2.8. Four months ago I started super nanny style sleep training. He can now fall asleep alone in his room at bedtime after a few put back to beds. However, after four months he is still waking at night and screaming the place down because he wants to come in my bed. He did improve for a while, hut not for long and not dramatically. I'm losing my will power and I think if it hasn't worked in 4 months its probably not going to.
I explain to him every night he has to stay in his own bed, but as soon as night time comes he doesn't care. There is a safety gate on his door, so I just put him back to bed hundreds of times when he wakes, but he's up again twenty minutes later. I'm so sick if it, I'm starting work soon and I need sleep!
A friend told me she held her dds door shut when she woke in the night and she learned to to back to bed. Seems q little drastic but I'm all out of ideas! I've done my time! Surely I deserve sleep now he is nearly three ffs! Help me!

OP posts:
YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 28/02/2013 20:33

I agree also whatever you do don't lock him in. I have a relative also badly affected by this, similar to BCBG's experience.

Original poster
HeartShapedSaw · 28/02/2013 20:41

Just to clarify, I wasnt going to actually lock him in the room. My friend said she held the door shut for a few minutes until her DD went back to bed.

OP posts:
YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 28/02/2013 20:45

It is the same difference tho, he won't get the distinction. It is not kind to do that. He's not mucking about playing you up, he's upset. He will ony get more upset if you lock him in.

ubik · 28/02/2013 20:49

If it's just you then I would settle him in his bed and if he wakes in the night let him come in with you.

When he is a bit older he will be able to rationalise a bit more and you will find it easier to reason with him about staying in his bed. He is very young for star charts, especially at night when emotions are heightened.

Really, just let him sleep longer with you, you will both feel better as a result.

Iggly · 28/02/2013 20:51

Have you ruled out any cause for the wakings? Discomfort? Reflux (as in heartburn triggered by diet)? Ears?

Original poster
HeartShapedSaw · 28/02/2013 20:52

I will not be shutting him in his room. My friend made out that her DD was fine with it and just 'got back into bed' but obviously from peoples experiences on this thread that is not the case. So rest assured that idea is no longer an option for me.

I think Im just gonna have to accept that he is still a baby really, and my time for sleepless nights is not over yet :(

OP posts:
5madthings · 28/02/2013 20:53

I would just let him sleep with you, he will grow out of it.

I feel your pain re evenings as I need my evenings! You can still be consistent in putting him back into bed in the eve,try gradual retreat or tell him you will come back and give him a kiss in 2 mins, 5 mins etc.

Original poster
HeartShapedSaw · 28/02/2013 20:55

Iggly, he sleeps through randomly every now and then, so I have never been able to pinpoint anything causing him to wake.

The week before last he slept through every night for a week, but then went back to normal wakings, and in 2 years I havent been able to notice a pattern.

Ill be honest, I have probably stressed him out talking to him too much about sleeping in his own bed over the past few days. It is so hard though when you are knackered. He was grumpy and tired all day today, as was I, so I think if I just try to chill out and leave him to it he may feel less pressure.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 28/02/2013 20:55

Let him into your bed, It's not worth all the stress.

Everyone sleeps. Does it matter where?

Iggly · 28/02/2013 20:57

Does he snore at all?

My two have reflux etc etc and they sleep through randomly too Grin ds (3.5) is much better now but he did go through a terrible phase at a similar age to your ds. We would sit with him until he fell asleep. Some nights he'd wake, some nights not. Now it's rare he wakes.

Original poster
HeartShapedSaw · 28/02/2013 20:58

He doesnt snore no.

I have to keep telling myself this will not last forever!

OP posts:
ArmchairDetective · 28/02/2013 21:01

My DD (2) goes to sleep in her own bed and ends up with me when she wakes. I do have a DP but we sleep in separate rooms as I have always dealt with the night wakings. It works for us.

DD knows she'll come in with me when she wakes and goes to sleep happily. Sometimes her first wake up won't be until 5 (then she's usually up for the day) on other days it can be 12.30 or 3. Obviously I prefer the nights I get longer in bed on my own. When she comes in I bf her back to sleep and she does wake a couple of times and usually resettles. I can hold down a part time job and it won't last for ever. Much easier than getting up and down everytime they wake. Will your DS go back to sleep quickly if in your bed. If so I would go with it for a while and see what happens.

emsyj · 28/02/2013 21:01

DD1 is the same age as your DS and she sleeps in with DH at the moment as we've just had DD2 a few weeks ago and she's unsettled. I sleep in with DD2. I had a brief moment of panic, thinking 'what if DD1 never sleeps in her own room again??' but when I said this to DH he just shrugged and said, 'I can sleep fine with her in bed with me, she's only little, it won't be for ever'. I had to admit that he was right.

My DMum is horrified and thinks you must make children sleep in their own bed. Goodness knows why, or what she thinks the terrible end result will be if you let them in bed with you. She doesn't seem to know either. Confused I tend to find that when you give children what they are asking for, they quickly stop needing it. I'm not expecting DD to need to have a parent in bed with her when she's 15. I agree with the poster who said just let him in bed with you and enjoy the sleep and cuddles.

Dipdaprules · 28/02/2013 21:03

Does he have a nightlight? Mine are scared of the dark, if they wake up and it's pitch black they get freaked out. We had Groclock too which I would highly recommend, we got this one which is not too bright:

clock

I think 2.8 is too young to understand about saving up stars for a whole week to get a reward, but you could try having a special sticker in the morning if he stays in bed all night?

I definitely wouldn't shut in either, will just make bedtime more stressful. And remember the older he gets, the more amenable he becomes to bribery Smile

usualsuspect · 28/02/2013 21:03

Mine just used to climb in my bed, I often woke up in the morning to find one of them there.

They all grew out of it.

Original poster
HeartShapedSaw · 28/02/2013 21:09

He does have a nightlight, I have literally tried everything I can think of except a gro clock, but if he doesnt listen to me saying its still night time, I dont know if he will listen to a clock..

I might just start letting him come back in with me. It does seem like the less stressful way. If he comes in my bed he falls back to sleep in about two seconds and doesnt wake until about 8.30am.. seems like a happier solution!

I guess everyone has been on at me to get him in his own bed.. There is a woman in my family who's son slept in her bed until he was 9, they all use this story to scare me into getting DS to sleep in his own bed!

But surely he will be confused and less likely to respond in the future if I go back on 4 months of putting him back in his own bed and give in now?

OP posts:
WickWackThurso · 28/02/2013 21:15

In the future, he will be older and more able to understand.

I would have him in my bed, cuddle him and reassure him. In time, he will feel more secure and less tired, and will gradually sleep better. He will not want to be in with you at 15. I always go for the option that means more people get more sleep.

Iggly · 28/02/2013 21:18

I'd go for sleeping in his room. So he learns its safe in there. That's what we did with ds at really low points - so he has never come into our bed. And now we sit with him until he sleeps but he sleeps through. We're now working on leaving him to fall asleep by showing him that we come back if he's scared and also that being alone in his room is ok.

ubik · 28/02/2013 21:18

Look i have 3 Dc who now all sleep in their own beds. For many years we let one of them sleep with us just to get some sleep.When they are old enough they learn to stay in their beds because they can reason and understand consequences. At the moment all he understands are his needs.

He is still very little.
What you are doing is not working and you are both very tired
Just because you have let him back in your bed doesn't mean that you can't revisit this when he is 3 or 4 or whatever.
When he is older you will be able to put a reward scheme in place and may be more successful as he will have a better understanding of time and your expectations.

seeker · 28/02/2013 21:20

He won't be confused. He'll be secure and happy and know he has a mother who responds to his needs. And you will be rested and less stressed, and you'll both have lovely cuddles. Win,win.

5madthings · 28/02/2013 21:24

What seekersaid.

I have five children, they have all slept in bed with me. Dd is 26mths and still in my bed, the others are 13, 10, 8 and 4 and all sleep in their own beds :)

KD0706 · 28/02/2013 21:48

Try not to pay too much heed to other people telling you he ought to be in his own bed or ought to be sleeping through.

scarlettsmummy2 · 28/02/2013 21:53

Would also go with letting him into your bed!

steppemum · 28/02/2013 22:31

It sounds as if the waking in the evening is more of a problem than the waking at night?
What I mean is, if he woke at night and came in and slept in your bed with you, that isn't as big a problem as him waking in the evening and demanding all your attention getting him settled?

I wonder if you allowed him to go and sleep in your bed, but you are going to be in the lounge/downstairs, because it isn't your bedtime yet, may make it less attractive?

You may have tried all of these but:
Is he cold? dd2 wakes very early in the morning if she is cold (took me ages to realise that was the reason)
Does he have a night light? Scared of the dark may be a reason. But -
Is his room too light? They sleep better if not too light
Could a gentle cd/music box help? as part of the settling routine I put on a wind up music thing, and in the middle of the night that got them back to sleep very quickly.

Lack of sleep is so exhausting. Sometimes you have to do what works for you and not what the books say.

steppemum · 28/02/2013 22:33

I have to say though, that as he is going to bed and off to sleep in his own bed at the moment, I would keep doing that, and just bring him in to you if he wakes up.

he may be getting bad dreams and be genuinely distressed