shall i lock him in his room!?

[HeartShapedSaw]

Ds is 2.8. Four months ago I started super nanny style sleep training. He can now fall asleep alone in his room at bedtime after a few put back to beds. However, after four months he is still waking at night and screaming the place down because he wants to come in my bed. He did improve for a while, hut not for long and not dramatically. I'm losing my will power and I think if it hasn't worked in 4 months its probably not going to.
I explain to him every night he has to stay in his own bed, but as soon as night time comes he doesn't care. There is a safety gate on his door, so I just put him back to bed hundreds of times when he wakes, but he's up again twenty minutes later. I'm so sick if it, I'm starting work soon and I need sleep!
A friend told me she held her dds door shut when she woke in the night and she learned to to back to bed. Seems q little drastic but I'm all out of ideas! I've done my time! Surely I deserve sleep now he is nearly three ffs! Help me!

ive never quite got the huge fuss over not allowing your child into your bed....

DS never slept and still doesnt at 21. im a night owl and i cannot sleep on demand.

DD always just crawled in with me and promptly went back to sleep - she stopped getting in with me of her own accord - she is 15 now and lets face - not many teens still sleep with mum! they do stop - she stopped getting in with us at about 9 i think....i missed it tbh. i used to love our cuddles first thing.

i dont get why people are so incredibly anal about kids in their beds....its not like they still climb in at 30 is it! and if it affords you some sleep instead of being up half the night settling a little one back to bed then where is the harm really?

do not shut him in his own room with no way out. thats not on.

vicar - the problem i have is that I sleep very very badly with dc in the bed. It is fine if dh is away, as i shove dc over to his side. But actually my dcs want to sleep ON me if they are in my bed

I was very relieved that mine were happy to settle into their own bed and slept well.

dd2 still comes in to us at about 6 very regularly and when she appears it makes me want to cry. Choice between get up and take her back and then be awake. or let her stay and have grotty have climbed on sleep for last bit of the night.

fair enough - i totally understand that, and DS was similar - i used to constantly be up and settling him back to his own bed, but the OP was about locking a child in their rooms.....to which every fibre of my being is screaming "nooooooo"

i also have terrible memories of being smacked with a shoe because i couldnt settle alone - i had slept in a double bed for 7 years with my mother when she married a bloke who banned me from even entering their room....

unsurprisingly i couldnt settle.

i was hit with a shoe.
i would never advocate locking a child in or punishing them in any way for not being able to sleep or settle and wanting mum. there are kinder ways of sorting this out than locking them in or using violence.

no vicar I agree about the locking in, but thought that really the thread had moved past that.

vicar that's awful.

I read a book think if was dr sears that said your main aim should be to make going to sleep a pleasurable thing for your dc. Rather than scary or upsetting etc. I try to stick to that but it's hard isn't it, especially when you're tired yourself.

Hope you get a better night tonight op. I think there might be something in the suggestion up thread to let him sleep in your bed in the evening, with the promise that you will be up at your bedtime.

thats nothing kd.....it got worse.

anyway - all i was trying to say was there are other ways, gentler ways, of dealing with sleep problems - maybe OP just felt under pressure and doesnt have the same issues as you stepp with regards son sleeping in her bed?

im just saying that i would do whatever was easiest to get sleep for yourself - whether that be let DC into bed or not. sleep depriviation is the pits...DS is autistic - he never ever slept. even now at 21 he doesnt and keeps me awake clattering around the house at 3am....drives me insane but at min he is at uni so i have a brief interlude!

sorry vicar I think we are talking at cross purposes. Upthread I have suggested that she takes him into her bed when he wakes at night, but because OP suggested that the evenings were the problem, I was suggesting starting him off in own bed/giving him the option of her bed, but not bringing him downstairs etc etc.

I have no problem with choosing to bed share, you do what works best for you and your family.
My first post to you was just responding to your comment about not understanding why you wouldn't do it. It doesn't work for everyone.

I think we agree actually

We are having this problem, in fact I have just spent 40 mins settling ds, 2.4, back to sleep in his cot as he was crying to come into our bed.

The problem is, like you said op, he doesn't know what time it is.

If he sleeps in our bed we have a shit night sleep. There is no room and he fidgets awake and in his sleep.

sorry steppe i wasnt reading it like that....op says that when she takes him into her bed he falls asleep straight away and sleeps through until 8.30.....no brainer then!

i realise it doesnt work for everyone. but for those who it does work for....i would just go with it for the sake of sleep!

Ds2 used to go happily to sleep in his own bed at 7.30 and then always came nto our bed (first we fetched him in small hours if he woke crying) and then he was old enough to toddle upstairs and climb in. He now sleeps brilliantly/and always settled back to sleep straightaway, a bit of a prompt riser though 7am on the dot. We loved co-sleeping with him. I think he needed the co-sleeping to self-regulate! Btw I cant abide fidgeting so if he Ever fidgeted he knew he had to go back to his own bedroom. He has ASD (only recently diagnosed) so he did the most annoying handflapping and humming in the middle of the night if he woke..So I do know where my limits are!

I miss him now! He is 10, and gave up years ago... Seeker has good advice.

Thanks for all your replies.

It seems to be a unanimous decision to let him come in with me! He woke at half ten last night so I brought him in my bed and we slept until about ten minutes ago :)

I don't think I'm gonna put him to bed in my bed, as someone said up thread I have managed to get him falling asleep by himself in his own bed at bedtime, that's a hurdle in itself so I think ill carry on with that part..

I'm pleased you both got a good sleep last night.

I bet when he's older you'll miss all the cuddles (and forget what a hassle his sleep was!)