9 month old not settling herself to sleep

[Collienova]

I need help and I'm hoping there's someone out there who's been there and got out sane...

I'm writing this lying on my bed breast feeding my 9 month DD (whose sleeping, but cannot seem stay asleep without my boob). We slipped into a routine of breast feeding to sleep and co-sleeping early on (long story - CS, no help at night and just needing to cope somehow). Now she's so mobile that I can't leave her to sleep on the bed and I either have to stay with her or move her to the cot. She has never learned how to settle herself and I am at a loss of how to teach her. We had a brief spell where I could rock her to sleep and then put her down, but we've regressed now because of teething, colds etc. I can't even put her down in the cot without her sitting up, pulling herself up, crawling etc.

Any advice? I'm so tired, I don't even know if the above makes sense... Thank you

I can't seem to link while on my phone but come hang out on the "Misery Loves Company" thread - you will find a group of us who understand perfectly!

Do babies ever self settle? I think it is a myth. Certainly DD only went to sleep without me being there at 3 and 2.5 yr old needs me to stoke his back til he falls asleep.

Im hoping for some miracle cure too. Current have nipple in 7month old sleeping baby, but as soon as I move he'll wake up. Again we co-sleep as its the only way I get any sleep (every hour if nit, often manage 4-5 hours if I'm next to him!!) I know the problem is delayed and when I do want to get out of cs it'll be a pain, but what to do??

Sorry it's no help but your not alone!

I was thinking of this the other night and realised how bollocks it is - I had a really awful nightmare and woke up drenched in sweat, heart racing. Had to cuddle DD and DH and get myself a drink before I could go back to sleep. I'm an adult and can tell myself it's a dream and it isn't real but I still took ages to settle - so how can I expect my tiny little daughter to do the same with no one to comfort her?!

Thanks everyone! I'd be happy to stroke my DD's back in the cot for as long as it takes, but it's up carrying her and rocking her for an hour or feeding to sleep (if she'll let me; that's a struggle now she's so wriggly)!

Karatekimmi - I know exactly what you mean! I made DH buy a new mattress (that didn't squeak) so I could leave without waking her! Ridiculous when I think about it now, but it was a just a survival tactic...

Has anyone tried the 'pick up/ put down' method by the baby whisperer successfully? What do you do when she's not crying, but sitting/standing up in the cot?

Think you are meant to just keep making them lie down. I have done this, it went on for ages until DS wore himself out.

Collienova, I am having some improvement with my twin girl, 11 months. Not much time now but will come tomorrow to tell you about it.

Some babies do self settle! I have had two of those, then I had twins

Thanks Claire, would love to hear more if your story!

Hello again,

I have finally managed to find 5 mins to get on the computer, I ahte typying long messages on the phone!

First I hope I ahven't raised your hopes too much, as I definitely do not have a miracle cure, but I have managed to "cure" dtg from the feeding to sleep thing (well mostly)

Secondly I totally empathise with the extreme tiredness times 2, as she has a brother who is not much better at sleeping, but at least he takes a dummy.

dtg is now 11 month and two weeks and like your dd she would only go to sleep feeding. She used to selfsettle at3-4 months for morning nap, but then she got worse and worse to the point where she wouldn't go to sleep in the car seat, pushchair or any other way than breastfeeding! over Christmas she had a few nights when she wokw every.two.hours!

I also wanted to stop breastfeeding so I started giving her a bottle at bedtime which she normally refused, but I gave her one with water during the day and graudally she started to first play with it, but eventually took a good amount. I would still breasfeed after the bottle as I wanted to make sure she had enough milk, but I would take my nipple out before she was completely asleep (this is a technique from teh "No cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.
If she got upset, I would let her feed again, and would repeat the process for as long as necessary until she actually fell alseep in my arms rather than feeding.

She would then wake up as soon as I put her in the cot, and sometimes still does, but I try not to pick her up immediately, but stroke her back, and shush her, until she goes to sleep. Sometimes she sits up and gets upset and I pick her up again and repeat and repeat... It is tiring, but I was spending hours everynight trying to get her to sleep which was even worse, then I also had her twin brother to contend with..

It used to take me ages to get her to sleep, and now on a good day it's only 10-15mins: She has a bottle and then I rock her to sleep. Still not ideal but it's fine for me now. She also used to wake up again with 30mins to an hour after putting her down. While now she normally sleeps well til about 3am has a feed and goes back to sleep (except last night but that's anotehr story!)

Hope I have given you some ideas, my older two were both thumb suckers and also had favourite soft toy as a comforter. They were great sleepers and I was naively expecting the twins to be similar. No such luck with these two!

sorry for the mammoth post!!

Do you have a DP? Could he take over bedtime?

With all 3 of mine, it has been my DH who has got them to settle without bf at night. Much harder for the mum, as the baby knows the milk is right there! Somewhere between 10 and 18 mths (different for each child), he's taken over bedtime and just got on with it, and each time it has worked.

Thanks Claire! That's definitely given me some ideas! I'd be happy with rocking to sleep as well, but I need to do something as she will start nursery in April for a couple if afternoons a week!

bedhopper I haven't involved DH up to this point as she gets way too excited when he tries to take over! I will ask him, though! Thanks!

hello,
We did pick up put down at 6months and it worked well. Went from a dd who woke every 40mins to sleeping through in the course of a month. I really recommend reading the baby whisperer before tackling or visiting the baby whisperer online forums as the advice on naps etc is really useful and you realise how night time sleep is affected by naps and vice versa. If your dd is mobile you can you a variation which is essentially laying the baby back down in her cot.
Just wanted to give reassurance that it can work but you have to be really consistent.
Good luck x

lots of sympathy,am here feeding seven month old who last night fed till half midnight then slept four hours followed by screams from then on every twenty mins. I' m ashamed to admit I started pick up put down tonight then after two hours have given in and fed, too tired and she has a cold so am telling myself it's no good anyway.

I know how you feel! Did PU/PD tonight and I almost gave in because DD is teething and has a cold... She just started screaming every time I just got close to putting her down in the cot... Almost had an argument with DH as well who was very unhelpful by commenting that 'it didn't sound like it was working'!

Consistency, consistency! Just need to remember that at 3am! I'll keep you posted!

If you do get your DH to do it - then you have to get completely off the scene. Go downstairs and watch TV or do chores or something - don't hang around or intervene! She may be excited the first time but after a few days they will find their groove.