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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

Crap sleep advice people have given you

64 replies

CyrilSneers · 01/01/2013 21:03

I constantly get generously given crap, unsolicited I may add, advice on how to get my 6mo ds to 'sleep through the night'. My mum insists Farley's Rusks are the key to a good night's sleep as "all babies eat rusks". She also says I should give him formula as breast milk "isn't enough for some babies" and that he should have no naps and stay up until we go to bed so he's "nice and tired". That's just a few nuggets of wisdom from my mother; don't even get me started on health visitors. I'm beginning to understand why people falsely clain their LOs are sleeping through: my heart drops when I hear the phrase "Have you tried...?" Or am I just an ungrateful cow?

OP posts:

aimingtobeaperfectionist · 01/01/2013 21:12

I'm getting the 'give her formula' ones at the minute. Not sure how that will help with her teething.

MrsRandom78 · 01/01/2013 21:15

That des should be in his own bed - finally embraced co- sleeping this time last year and never looked back!!

MrsRandom78 · 01/01/2013 21:16

Ds - sorry! Stupid auto-correct!

OneSliceOfSwissCheese · 01/01/2013 21:17

I got the whole "Keep them awake in the day so they'll be exhausted come the night time" crap when DD was tiny. Worst mistake ever!!!

MeAndMyJoeNowHaveRowan · 01/01/2013 21:28

Ahhh the old 'never feed or rock a baby to sleep, rod for your own back' bull shit. Had that from family and HV. I fed DS1 to sleep every night for 11 months when miraculously he just learned to settle himself, no sleep training, no crying, nothing. Do what works I say!!! I just smile and nod this time round!

teacher123 · 01/01/2013 21:59

'Have you tried a routine?' Yes of course I've tried a bloody routine! More people have said that to me than I can count.

Mitsouko · 02/01/2013 10:17

Oh, I've had it all. And it's all crap. Fortunately I only see the HV once a month when I take DD to clinic to be weighed. I've learned to lie and say she's sleeping just fine, waking a little to feed but mostly doing 7-7. This is true to some extent, but also involves resettling every hour or two on a bad night, 2-3 breast feeds, and co-sleeping half the night. She is 9 months. I know newborns who sleep for longer stretches...

Just back from MIL's and also got the rusks, stopping bf, and cutting out naps stuff. DD had two naps of about 45 minutes around 10 and 2. But apparently this is what's stopping her from sleeping through the night - like hers did from birth. However, FIL took me aside and said that DH and SIL were crap sleepers until age 2, but MIL has just blocked it out and can't remember! He also said that they didn't leave either of them to cry. MIL said to me (when DD was a 6 week old colicky, refluxy ball of distress) that I'd spoil her if I didn't let her "cry it out a bit". Having not done this we have now made a "rod for our own backs".

matana · 02/01/2013 10:26

"Have you read Gina Ford?" when DS was a newborn and i was sleep deprived. This was followed by "Let him cry - he's manipulating you because he knows he'll get your attention" and "move him into his own room". Oh, and "don't feed him/ rock him to sleep/ you're making a rod for your back". I broke every single rule (including co-sleeping - best idea ever!) according to the advice i received and have been rewarded with a generally brilliant sleeper and a happy little boy who sleeps in his own bed and is not reliant on props (unless you count his teddies, as he has a habit of sucking the labels for comfort).

Suchanamateur · 02/01/2013 14:13

YU to the routine advice. 'Put in place a solid bedtime routine- that'll sort it all out'. Thanks. Had a cast iron, excellent bedtime routine with DS. Made sod all difference. Same with DD although hers is a bit more random as she has to fit round DS. And if I hear the 'try formula' one once more I shall explode...

lorisparkle · 02/01/2013 14:19

so true about routine - ds1 had great routine and terrible sleeper. ds3 had random routine as had to fit round other two and was the best sleeper of the lot!

Mitsouko · 02/01/2013 14:24

Ditto routine. DD has a great daytime and bedtime routine. Two naps, three meals a day, mostly bf but mix fed at times. Self settles no problem for naps and at bedtime. All in all, quite a happy little baby, and rather cheerful during the day when not tired or cranky. Does any of this keep her from waking on average every two hours in the night? Nope.

WankbadgersBreakfast · 02/01/2013 14:34

Oh, try Gina ford/ Tizzie hall!

ffs, they're both shit. Who the hell would follow them when (Tizzy at least) they didn't use their own routines? co-sleeping wins!

Seriouslysleepdeprived · 02/01/2013 15:03

I'm constantly getting unsolicited sleep advice from all & sundry.

Most common seems to be stop breastfeeding, why this would help i have no idea, especially as he has a cows milk allergy.

Shut the door & let him cry, which is tempting sometimes but would break my heart.

A new one - make more noise & he'll sleep better. The usual, follow a routine, don't follow a routine, don't let him sleep in the day, and my personal favourite - just try and forget about it, he'll fall asleep eventually...

Most of this from childless friends & family. No offers of actual help though.

teacher123 · 02/01/2013 17:00

Oh my word, the whole 'don't be quiet when they go to bed, they have to learn to sleep through noise'. Yes ok BIL, but would you mind leaving the HOOVERING OUTSIDE HIS BEDROOM DOOR and THROWING POTS AND PANS into the sink until after he's dropped off? I know that people shouldn't have to be quiet for a sleeping baby, and it's really annoying, but DS is a light sleeper, so if you want us to come and stay, please just turn the telly down when he's gone to bed. Thanks.

HearMyRoar · 02/01/2013 19:04

The amount of people who tried to get me to wean early as 'she just needs a bit of proper food in her stomach' was just too numerous to mention. Of course she is now 9 months and eats like a horse and her sleep is still awful. In fact if anything I would say weaning made her sleep substantially worse for quite a while.

Nightmoves · 02/01/2013 20:12

"Have you tried putting him down awake?" Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh. Of course I bloody have, I've tried EVERYTHING!!!

ipswichwitch · 02/01/2013 20:49

We got:
"You're bf too much" not sure I got their logic in that one other than they blamed bf for every problem
"Try formula at bedtime" so in a moment of despair I did, and if anything he was worse
"He'll sleep through in his own room" that didn't work but at least I got fitter trotting up and down the landing all night
"He'll sleep through when he's on solids". Again, no, because he got severe constipation and screamed all night.
"Just leave him to cio"
"Have you got a routine?"have you got a death wish?

What did work in the end was time. DS is almost 15 months and finally slept through at 13 months. All by himself. With no Gina whatsherface, sleep training, or bullshit theories. Yes he likes to wake at half 5 but I'm not complaining. And certainly dont need any unsolicited advice on that front thankyou

icravecheese · 02/01/2013 23:30

'try offering water at night instead of milk'......yeah right, just tried it with DC3, she's now officially TOTALLY mad, instead of just slightly p'eed off.

Now I know why I never followed that cr&p piece of advice with DC1 or DC2....it DOESN'T WORK!!!

munchkinmaster · 03/01/2013 12:51

Appears stopping breast feeding is the secret to all sleep problems (according to my mum bottle feeding's the answer to world peace, the economy).

Apparently all my own making as I occasionally sat and watched tv while baby screamed at 1am in the first 2 weeks of life. Obviously 8 fucking months of sleep hygiene hasn't sorted out that catastrophic mistake.

I'm seriously pissed off at all the advice when maybe some practical help would be good. Have said lots of times I need to not feed her as much at night but this will involve some shitty nights. If only there was some one who, I don't know, lives close by, doesn't work, knows baby well, who could give me an hours help in the morning...... No much easier to hand out shitty advice, criticise and piss off at the first sign of trouble.

Mitsouko · 03/01/2013 14:08

Some great posts here, especially Ipswichwitch. I've had every single one of those as well. You give me hope (DD is almost 10 months).

potas · 03/01/2013 20:37

A friend asked - have you tried not making it fun when he wakes up in the night, like not playing with him or making it interesting........erm, its never fun....its not like I come into his room in a clown car and throw a bucket of confetti over him

Evilwater · 03/01/2013 22:16

Ok ladies here has been the adivce so far:
Mum- farleys rusk in the milk, or a stronger milk.
Sister- a good bed time routine.
Aunt- dip the dummy in brandy and honey.
Nan- keep him awake all day out I'd spite, or try whiskey.

Evil

DrCoconut · 03/01/2013 22:40

DS2 doesn't sleep through at 21 months. We co sleep (DH agrees so it isn't killing our marriage) and it works for us for now. I am also still BF, again we have discussed this as a couple and it is our rather than my decision. I try not to get into conversations on the topic because everyone has something to say when they find out that he doesn't do 7-7 in his own room. DS1 never had his own room until he was 22 months and he BF etc. He's now 14 and has no trouble going to bed alone and sleeping so it won't be permanent whatever the doom mongers say! (He's slept well since the age of about 2).

Original poster

CyrilSneers · 04/01/2013 18:39

Thought I couldn't be alone in the crap advice receiving. Didn't realise the rusks, formula and routine were such classics. Remembered two more gems of wisdom from friends whose babies 'sleep' through the night: get earplugs and turn the baby monitor off...

OP posts:

munchkinmaster · 04/01/2013 19:29

cyril
That last one would work I think

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