Doing controlled crying now - DD seems to have more stamina than me...

[babybouncer]

DD is now 7 months old and given that she has only been sleeping for about 45-90 mins at a time during the night for the past week or so (she's never been a great sleeper - always woken two or three times a night) and feeding her back to sleep has been taking longer and longer, we've decided to try controlled crying. We started at 7 and fully expected it to take and hour, but its now 8:20 and she isn't giving up. She had a big dinner, a couple of ounces of formula and a full breastfeed. The room is not too hot or too cold. Does it just take this long? It's so much hard than I thought it would be...

At no point was I judgy or sanctimonious. As you would know if you read what I posted with an open mind, rather than reading what you think I've said.

Why is it forbidden to discuss this issue? Why is it OK to call me a bitch for offering alternatives.

I think some of our posts were perceived as attacks, which was far from the case.

Stating 'I prefer to be with my children' doesn't imply anything about the other parent. It's saying what I feel. there's nothing wrong with that.

I honestly have NOT sought to attack ANYONE, let alone called them bitches or harpies. That's really unpleasant.

Look at your own perceptions of what has been said, then try and read it back without prejudice. It's trying to help. I'm just being honest.

God, do you really think we're sitting here congratulating ourselves on being excellent examples of parenting, and laughing at how crap you are? Really?

Saying that there alternatives you and your child might find more comfortable is NOT WRONG, it's supposed to be supportive, and in fact I didn't 'back off' because someone asked me to suggest what I thought was a better alternative.

There are so many angry emoticons on here, so much shouting and swearing and obscenity and NONE of it comes from me, or Seeker - there was a more forthright poster, given, but most of us tried to remain civil and friendly and helpful.

I stayed because I was invited to, and it was an interesting discussion, but you are free to ignore anything and everything that I say if you wish and carry on supporting each other. I won't mind.

Just so horrible to be called a bitch and all that, when I was trying to be nice.

and for what it might be worth, I am sorry if anything I said was perceived to be an attack of any kind, or to suggest that any of you, as parents, don't 'orefer' to be with your kids when they cry.

Of course you bloody do. That's the whole point. That's what makes cc so harsh - for YOU probably more than them. I can sympathise and I can see how bloody desperate you must be to get to the point where you'd do it.

That's why I'm here saying, don't do it, you don't have to. That's all.

Over and out.

prefer

But seeker, Eds and MrsCant you're not offering alternatives. You're coming on, full of opinions as to why CC is awful and backing it up with dubious evidence. You are also taking the position that those on here have gone straight to CC without trying anything else first. I think that is highly unlikely. The other particularly incendiary theme running through your comments is that these mothers have 'read a book' saying that their children should sleep through the night or that they're trying to force their children into a cultural norm. No. They are on their knees with exhaustion - that is all. It is affecting their lives, their partners and their relationships with their children. They have made a very difficult decision, which has probably required a great deal of soul searching. You don't agree with the path they have taken. We get that. But in trivialising their reasons for doing what they're doing and making out like they've not investigated every other option...well that's insulting their parenting skills and IMO you've got off lightly.

As I said- what you think I'm saying rather than what I actually said.

I just cannot understand why you are so very aggressive. I wasn't.

I did actually suggest an alternative, I described what I did with both my children.

I think you're ascribing perceptions and motives to me without reading my comments properly.

I did say some parents have read books that lead them to have overly high expectations of babies' capacity to sleep through from an early age. I in NO way suggested that these people, on this thread, had done this or that they had come to this point without trying anything else.

Then why say it Eds? Because people are obviously going to think you're inferring them.

seeker - I've seen you crop up on other threads making comments which result in people taking offense, then you responding in apparently wide eyed innocence at their reaction. This isn't the first and I have a feeling it won't be the last. If you are genuinely not trying to put a cat among the pigeons, then I really think you need to review your style.

It was just a thought, Elphaba. Quickly apparent that it doesn't apply here anyway...but I used it as an explanation as to why I felt compelled to post. Well part of the reason. And it's true, culturally, that there IS massive pressure to have a sleeping baby.

I was supposed to be leaving this thread, but I can't if you are addressing me, so hopefully I've explained as much as I can...good luck to all, please don't think I am judging you, at all.

So because you don't like what I've said on other threads it's OK to call me a bitch on this one? Nice.

Fo what it's worth. Controlled crying is not recommended for babies under 12 months- even by the guy who invented it. It is quite normal for babies not to sleep through the night, whatever your dm, dmil and friends say. Controlled crying often doesn't work, and even when it does it often stops working at the next tooth, cold or holiday. Controlled crying is often incredibly stressful and distressing for the parents. And often things seem to be at their worst before they start to get better.

I thought it was not recommended below 6 months, not 12?

For what it's worth, I think people do have unrealistic expectations regarding sleeping through, but I wouldn't say 7 months was THAT unrealistic for the majority of babies (I accept there are exceptions.)

We did cc at 10 months and I have absolutely no regrets. Worked v quickly and she was 100% happier for getting a good sleep at night, and her naps improved too with no cc. We have never had to repeat it.

We co-slept when she was a newborn, but as an older baby? No way, total misery for our whole family.

Ok. Educate me. Pretend you haven't prejudged me. Show me where I have been a sanctimonious harpy.

And please link to the thread where I was "incendiary".

Eds, thanks for your input. I'm not sure if its for us, I can't bear to do it. I guess because she is no problem during the day and a very happy, alert child I will be grateful for that rather than moan about my nights. It's tough but she will sleep at some point. At the moment though she needs me.

I know what sanctimonious means. I made the remark you quote after I had been called a stupid bitch.

I have never compared early weaning to letting a baby drive. I have said that saying a baby is ready to wean because it grabs at food is like saying a baby is ready to drive because it grabs the steering wheel.

Get your facts straight.

Are you denying that calling somebody a stupid bitch is rude qnd qgressive?

@ElphabaTheGreen

Do we all get a prize if it's the 1000th or something?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Can we all remember that MN is to make parents' lives easier?

How can a babies treat their mummies as human dummies? That is nonsensical. Dummies were invented to replicate the nipple as babies find sucking at the bosom soothing.

In german the word for breastfeeding is Stillen, which also means to quieten and soothe. So if your baby "chomps" at the nipple, he needs comfort. He is not using you.

Also, if a baby is left to cry, he may then feel abandoned by his mother. If his mother does not return, yes he may then stop crying.

But how does one know whether the reason he has stopped crying is because of some primitive defense mechanism?

Mummy is not coming back so I must feign death in order to protect myself against potential predators?

Must feign death??! Argh, I'm sitting on my hands not to carry on the 'aggressive' behaviour of us cc advocates

My mum used cc on me and my siblings, we now use it on our children - we're all happy, confident and feel very loved.

Kudos to those who can handle the sleep deprivation but I am a better mother when I've slept. And ds is a happier baby when he's slept too. I think cc can be a great tool.

I never normally comment on these threads because they always go the same way but this one has really pissed me off and moved me to comment

I am not convinced about any potential damage to babies. I think it's bad for parents.