Doing controlled crying now - DD seems to have more stamina than me...

[babybouncer]

DD is now 7 months old and given that she has only been sleeping for about 45-90 mins at a time during the night for the past week or so (she's never been a great sleeper - always woken two or three times a night) and feeding her back to sleep has been taking longer and longer, we've decided to try controlled crying. We started at 7 and fully expected it to take and hour, but its now 8:20 and she isn't giving up. She had a big dinner, a couple of ounces of formula and a full breastfeed. The room is not too hot or too cold. Does it just take this long? It's so much hard than I thought it would be...

If you don't want to read it, I can tell you the gist of it. Researched at the University of Texas it has been found that while babies can learn to stop crying and expecting a parent to visit them, their stress levels remain high...the hormone that is released during distress does not go away just because they are not crying anymore.

It remains. And the baby's "physiological and behavioral responses become dissociated."

How did it go ladies?? I'm watching with interest as this technique worked really well for me at around this age, I've a brilliant sleeper and it's a real occasion if she wakes up in the night.
Hope it's helping, I think you should do whatever you think is right for you.
Good luck!

I think the jury's still out on how stressful it is for otherwise happy and secure babies, but it's as sure as hell stressful for parents!

And nobody ever talks about the times it doesn't work. You only ever hear success stories.

The jury's not out Seeker they have done a pretty thorough investigation of what happens internally when babies are left to cry. It's pretty clear that the baby s affected negatively.

Controlled crying is not consistent with what infants need for their optimal emotional and psychological health, and may have unintended negative consequences. that is the Australian government's response to controlled crying. Not recommended.

I will leave the "support" thread now though. I have said my bit.

Yes Seeker it seems like it doesn't actually change the outcome a lot of times...babies tend to sleep when they can, and when they are able and ready to, whether or not people 'train' them in some way (and there areworse ways).

It just seems so pointless to put yourself through this nightmare.

But probably not massively helpful on this thread, perhaps?

Wow - little hijacking on this thread. It isn't supposed to be a should/shouldn't we - just to support each other!

My night went brilliantly (relatively!) as DD stayed asleep until waking up at half twelve, when I fed her (a much better feed than normal), but put her down still awake and I only had to go in twice after 2 and 4 minutes. Se also woke at 4 and I was t to feed her when I realised she'd weed through her sleeping bag, so she got a full change and then I fed her, but again put her down awake and this time only had to go in once before she nodded off until half 6.

This morning, she is already noticeably happier!

Look, the OP has come on here Having Already Decided this is what they are doing.
Not asking if you think it's a good idea.
They have already decided it is what they are doing.

The thread didn't start as a "let's support each other" thread. The OP said "it's so much harder then I thought it would be"

It seems to me entirely appropriate to point out that CC may be not be the best, or only, way forward.

Particularly when one poster has said it's making her feel really guilty, and another has said she is doing it without doing any research.

People don't always realise that their expectations are too high, that cc is not the only way, and at it doesn't necessarily work. Or that other parents lie like troopers about their child's sleeping habits.

That's brilliant babybouncer. And dylan too . DS has just gone down for a nap after having a full breakfast, nappy change and bf to sleep. He whined for 30 seconds literally when I put him down in his cot half awake. I'm so happy .
RE the bunch of thread hijacking rude posters: I'm just going to ignore them. The more I reply back, the more they'll keep posting. Hopefully sooner or later they'll get tired of inflicting their unwanted opinions to an audience that doesn't even read their posts. Don't they have anything better to do?

Go for it Anna. I have plenty of better things to do. Just wanted to help. And I don't think I was rude. But whatever.

That's right Seeker. And personally I have heard too many people say they regretted it later on to NOT pass on my thoughts. There's no point being defensive if you're choosing something like this and coming on here saying it''s hard. I WILL get off the thread now as it's winding me up a bit which is silly.

I honestly don't like to think of babies being left to cry though.

Anna you have the meaning of "Hijacking" confused. Anyway...you said you were finding it hard. I just came to say WHY you find it hard. Its not fecking natural. That's why.

There will be many more people reading this thread than actually posting, and some of them might be considering CC but not sure.

IMO it's worth pointing out that CC is not recommended for under 12 months, and there are other ways, for those pople even if the OP has decided she wants to go ahead regardless.

Just one question. Why are you so convinced that controlled crying is the only way forward?

Yes Aufaniae, I kind of felt like saying nothing was like agreeing it's fine.

If I was reading it with no knowledge about CC, and no one said anything negative about it or suggested the guidelines about 12 months, I'd just take it that all of MN thought it was a good thing to do.

I think sometimes it's important to register dissent.

I did some cc with DD1 (now 5) and found it very stressful - I changed tack after a few nights and read The Baby Sleep Book. She has been a terrific sleeper since she was 5 months old but it was pretty tough until that point. I now have a 10 week old DS and am following the advice from the same book which advocates no cc. If you find that cc continues to make you stressed, it might be worth a read. The authors state that cc is forcing an infant to sleep as opposed to having them learn to sleep.

That said, I'm glad to hear that your dd is happier this morning.

I tired all manner of methods to encourage my DD to sleep. The older she got, the worse her wakings become.

It had been almost a year since I had a proper full nights sleep. And I was back at work.

Its all very well saying dont do CC, but when you are at the end of your tether and desperate for sleep, and you have tried everything else, what are you really suppossed to do FFS? Plus I drive up and down the M6 everyday. Not a good combination really.

When I did it, it took one night and DD cried for about an hour. She has slept through ever since. Now you tell me that I should of endured her waking 2 to 4 hours in the middle of the night, she wasnt in pain and she certainly was not hungry. She refused any milk or food. All she wanted to do was play.

I am not saying its the best way. We certainly didnt want to do CC. But when all the other methods didnt work, what are people suppossed to do?

So go on, make me feel like a shit mother for wanting us both to get some sleep

I'm sorry about that baby, I hope everything goes better tonight for you.

If anyone would like to discuss the pros and cons of controlled crying and/or cry-it-out methods or any other type of sleep training, can I invite you to start a new thread. As a child psychologist, I am entirely happy with my decision, but would like support from others who have been through/are going through this.

Child psychologist? What do you make of Bowlby's take on this then - I'd be interested to know.

Did Bowlby have a take on Controlled Crying?

I always suggest pick-up/put-down as an alternative to controlled crying, it worked really well for us and seemed a lot less scary for the baby as you don't actually leave them.

babybouncer, unfortunately, in my experience, cc doesn't work with every child. I had absolutely no problem with it with my ds at 6 months (my memory is that Dr. Ferber gives the minimum age as 6 months, not 12). It took 2 days. With my dd, on the other hand, I was never successful. In fact, she is now 10 years old and still wakes up 2 or 3 nights a week and gets into bed with me. She is a happy well adjusted child with no other problems, so I let it be. I am sure that when she is a teenager, she will want nothing to do with me and I'll be wishing she was still getting into bed with me :)

I wish I had advice on what to do instead of cc, but really don't....except to say that it does get better. Once dd was able to walk, then she didn't cry when she woke up/couldn't get to sleep and instead would just get up and get herself in bed with me which is of course far less disturbing for me. Dd also turned out to have hidden reflux and night terrors which explained her restless sleep. It can be an exhausting, depressing time when you have a child who is always crying. Lots of support (ie husband/family who can do the night time for you sometimes) is important. And also in my case, when I realized that this wasn't going to change and stopped getting so angry and agitated about my inability to make things different, it became much easier to cope with.
Good luck.

right back at you Sam, he certainly had a take on leaving babies to cry.

I'm obviously not talking about the Ferber Method here - SA
EDQ - the work of Bowlby has been largely discredited as it was based on a flawed sample, 60ish years ago and is generally more relevant for longer periods of separation or deprivation. The man himself changed aspects of his attachment theory throughout his life.

That said. Back to the real point here.
How's everyone else getting on with cc?