Worst night's sleep ever

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Started sleep training last night on adive from a sleep consultant. Ds (12mo) usually feeds to sleep at 7, wakes once for a comfort feed, feeds back to sleep and wakes at 6. Last night - no feeding to sleep and no night feeds. He cried for 18 minutes at bedtime, then woke at 8.15 and 9 and cried for 5 minutes. Then at 10.30 he cried for 15 minutes, I cuddled him to calm him down then he cried for another 5 minutes. Then again at 1.00 and 4.00 and 5.00 he cried for 5 minutes.

I have hardly slept because I'm so wound up. I'm so used o seeing him in the nigh that now I miss him . But I have to do this because the exhaustion is having a massive effect on the rest of my family.

It will get easier, won't it?

How come you are sleep training when your child only wakes once in the night?

He doesn't always only wake once though. He seems to go through periods when he wakes once and then other where he wakes three or four times. I have been asking myself your question this night though. However, even only one waking is taking it's toll after a year of crap sleep.

Do you think maybe you're trying too much at once? So why don't you feed him to sleep at 7 and try and resettle him for wakings without milk, and then tackle bedtime?

When we did try and put something in place with my DS (and his sleep was terrible), we took it one step at a time. Took a couple of months though...

I don't know. I'm following the advice of this consultant who seems to think it's best to do it all at once. The idea is that if he never feeds to sleep then at night when he wakes he is learning that he doesn't need the boob to settle. I guess.

And this way is quicker, perhaps?

I'm not fond of sleep consultants to be honest....

Could you set a new bedtime routine? Maybe have a sippy cup of warm milk before bed? (My babies have always had a warm milky drink before bed whilst cuddling up to me in a chair we placed next to the bed / cot).

I take it you don't talk at all when you get to the bedroom? The room is blacked out with blackout blinds? ... I'm no expert but these are things we do and our babies have slept through from about 14 weeks following these ideas... I also always fed if they woke in the night. Gradually they took less and less. I appreciate it's different in your situation as your child is a little older.

Fairy why don't you like sleep consultants?

I don't want to stop breastfeeding, so sippy cup wouldn't work for us. Rather than feeding last thing before bed though, I am trying feed, then story, then sleeping bag then bed awake.

Yep, room is dark, no talking etc etc. I have been waiting and waiting for him to take less and less at night but I can't keep going indefinitely. I am just too tired. And fwiw, ds1 slept through from 14 weeks too and we haven't done anything differently this time! Ds2 just wants me more

I wasn't suggesting you stop breastfeeding. I just wondered that since the feed to sleep has become so crucial to him settling off okay whether you could introduce a new sort of routine to get him sleepy with some expressed beast milk in a cup perhaps...

I'm not fond of sleep consultants because having looked after many babies before (my mum was a foster carer when I was younger and living at home) I genuinely think all babies sleep through when they are ready.. I'm really not too sure trying to push them into it achieves anything other than a stressed out house...

But I say that very light heartedly as sleep deprivation is a terrible terrible thing and I do sympathise with you.

I had worst night too! I got a grand total of 4 hr sleep. Partly my fault as didn't go to bed till midnight, just as DD woke for the second time, & didn't settle till 1.15. Then up again twice before getting up at 5.50.

I think I am going to have to do something, but I keep thinkin that & not having the guts to make the change. Really noticing it in my mood though. At this age we did CC with DD1, & she reduced to one waking a night, which she maintained till 22m. Sounds like a dream to me!

Ds woke 4 times a night till he was 3, not for food just because he could!

We tried everything and everything failed. He now sleeps through most nights but wakes up at silly times in the morning. Some children just have trouble sleeping.

Sounds like you did really well and he didn't cry for too long at any time. First night is usually the worst with sleep training, so hopefully you'll see a big improvement tonight. Will you be in touch with your sleep consultant again today? Sounds like you need some reassurance from her.

Sounds awful for you. If you feel this is the time to make the change then stick with it. While he was up often last night I would be encouraged by the relatively short periods he was up for each time. Hopefully this will reduce further.

I think unless you've had the really bad sleeper it's very difficult to truly understand the mind numbing exhaustion. I really do feel your pain. Good luck.

Rilla - is your dd always such a bad sleeper? Awful isn't it?!

That sounds like a good night round here!

Follow the advise of the sleep consultants. It will be tough, but I know three other mothers who used sleep consultants. All three worked.

If I were you, and I will be flamed for this, I would avoid posting on mumsnet whilst you are going through this, as people will urge you to give up on the sleep consultant and go gentle gentle. Sounds to me like you are suffering and your child will also be suffering through lacks of sleep. By doing it all at once you are pulling the plaster off quickly, and avoiding months of tiny baby steps, intercepted by leaps back and forth.

Good luck x

I'm with you bbface. If the MN sleep training police find you and start telling you how normal and natural crap sleeping is and how much you'll miss the cuddles when they're stinky teenagers your resolve will only crumble and the near-psychosis from sleep deprivation will only continue (like that's a really healthy state to care for a baby in )

I hope something works for you. x

i think thats good going for your 1st night your doing well.it will get better everynight. my ds took about 4 nights.. however ive tried same thing on my 16 month dd but she is a stubborn monkey who still does 5 wakes a night.

it will get better (it has to eh???)

At 1 we put DD to bed at 9/10 when we went up. She slept till 3, fed then slept till 6 of 7. Just made sense that she slept when we did. The evenings were lovely as she often fed, played while we ate and chilled out.

You are all amazing, thank you.

The 'MN sleep training police' are why I've waited til now to do anything about the lack of sleep! I've been trying to convince myself that he will get there in his own time, but if his own time means at age 3, there's just no way I can wait that long! And there's now way of knowing, is there?!

Rilla it's taken me ages to get round to doing this too! I wanted to start around 6 months and he's nearly 13, so I can totally understand the feeling of not having the guts. This is another reason why I wanted a sleep consultant - I need the reassurance and hand-holding. I hope you get it sorted soon

bbface thank you, sounds sensible. I can't go gently gently anymore, I'm just too tired to carry on. Dh and I are always arguing about it, and ds1 bares a large part of my awful bad temper from being tired. He hardly gets a look-in and that has to stop.

Elphaba well exactly - I can barely function some days and it's not fair for either of my kids

addicted I really hope it does work for us! Can't imagine going back to 5 wakes a night, hope you manage to get some sleep soon too!

Have spoken to the consultant today who said the same as some of you - from her perspective it was a relatively good night. He settled himself all bar once and was only unsettled for short periods. And I didn't cave