A diary of using Controlled Crying...

[Hulababy]

After some recent sleep problems we have had to resort to controlled crying with our 20mo DD. Having always been anti CC when she was little and favouring co-sleepin it is a difficult but, I feel, a necessary thing now. THought I'd keep a kind of diary or record of how it goes so others wanting to try it can see how it works (or not) for us. If nothing else I coan always print it out to show DD when she is a teenager

This first post may be rather long (sorry).

Background

DD was born in April 2002, 2 weeks late. Even in hospital she slept with me in bed and didn't like being in the hospital crib. When we got her home she had an instant dislike to the rocking crib and she spent the first 2 weeks sleeping in my bed. At 2 weeks she got a bedside cot and things were much btter from her point of view. At 6 weeks she started sleeping through in her cot from midnight to 6am, increasing this time till she was 16 weeks. We then broke her routine by going on holiday and from then on spent part of everynight sharing with me and DH. She would always settle herself to sleep on going to bed originally though but struggled when she woke later. At 15 months we moved house and DD had her own room for the first time. After a shaky couple of days she was able to go to sleep on her own again, but still came in with us during the early hours, after waking herself up hitting the cot bars.. At 18 months she went into a toddler bed. Again - same routine prevailed.

Recent Problems

This Christmas holidays she has had lots of breaks in any form of routine and then got a very heavy cold. Her cough was waking her up every hour or so and he really struggled for a few days. AS a result DH and I brought her in with us pretty much all of the night so we could at least get some rest and not be in and out of bed al night. Trouble is once she improved and we tried to put her back in her own bed problems have begun big style. She will not settles at night at all - getting out of bed, coming to the gate and crying and screaming. THis is happening whenever she wakes as well which can be 3 or 4 times a night.

Well now on Night 4:

She has gone to bed and I thought she had settled after 2 minutes but I have just heard her cry out after about 15 minutes. Popped my head in to check on her and she was happy for me to say night night and leave. SDhe is mummling to herself a bit but certainly not screaming or crying like before.

Night 4 - amazing!!!!

40 minute nap n pushchair
Bed, as given before, falling asleep with much less crying and fuss, and more quickly.
She did NOT wake at all during the night, and finally stirred at 9:15am!!!!

Bet this is a fluke

Great new hulababy. I don't reckon it's a fluke - babies need to be taught how to sleep on their own - it's not something they do naturally. Since my dd was 3 weeks old I haveused a combination of Gina Ford (I know lots of people hate her but it's worked for me) and The baby whisperer. I did that pick up/put down thing last week (See www, babywhisperer.com if you are interested) when my baby started to refusing to go down before 11, after christmas. (I'd competeley disrupted her routine after staying at various houses during this time) After a week of disrupted evenings back home where we kept bringing her down with us because she was crying I realised she needed to be re-taught how to sleep.

I put her down at 8 and every time she cried I picked her up, kissed her and reassured her once and then put her back down. I was making it clear that this was bed time and I was helping her to go to sleep but I wasn't going to relent and take her downstairs. It took a traumatic hour and a half but that night she slept from 9,30- 8.00 ( I actually woke her at 8 would you believe because I knew I wanted to start doing 8-8 days with her ) It worked like a dream and because I was always there reassuring her it didn't feel as mean as GF. I know your baby is older but it sounds like cc might be working similarly for you. Good Luck

Night 5 update

10 min nap in car during day only
Busy day playing with friend; then we were going out so my parents to baby sit. Late night to bed at about 8:30pm. Fell asleep immediately according to parents, without story, as so tired.

Woke at 2am asking for daddy. DH went in and settled her. But she then cried in her room, asking for mummy. I went in after about 3 minutes and gave her a quick cuddle. She then said night night and I left; no crying and straight to sleep.

Woke at 9:15am bright and alert. Reckon she just wanted to check we were both in again

Good news and well done for your persistence. Our dd is also sleeping much better. Has had a nap last two days and gone to bed around 7.30 and slept solidly so a vast improvement too.

We'll see what happens with her usual routine back this week.

Excellent news Liz.

We go back to our normal routine this week too. Tues-Thurs mean 6:30am starts - wonder how that'll afect DD's sleep pattern again.

Excellent news Liz.

We go back to our normal routine this week too. Tues-Thurs mean 6:30am starts - wonder how that'll afect DD's sleep pattern again.

Night 6

No nap again today
Shattered; early bath and almost fell asleep in my arms before 7pm. In to bed for 7am; no crying or complaining at all - could barely keep her eyes open - bless

an wodering whether to follow your lead, Hulababy
Although controlled crying is really my last choice..don't much likethe idea of it
but getting close to trying it
DS falls asleep fine but is waking several times in the night

Urghhh. I have deliberately been avoiding this thread....I think everyone knows my thoughts on cc. But Melsy - even advocates of cc recommend that you don't use it before the age of 6 months.

But melsy isn't using controlled crying - she's leaving her baby to settle itself. Don't worry Melsy - from your other threads what you are doing is fine and will not cause any problems with your baby - in fact it should mean you never have to resort to proper cc. It's just a question of terminology

I'm still not really sure I know the difference between controlled crying and other putting to sleep methods. Anyway, just to reassure melsy ... when my dd was about the same age as yours she would sometimes put herself to sleep after the pre-bedtime breastfeed and sometimes not. So eventually we let her cry for 5-10 minutes before going in to her and after two nights of her crying for 15 minutes total she started to put herself to sleep without a murmur every night. And (with a few inevitable blips) she's been pretty good at putting herself to sleep ever since (now 17 months). Sounds like that is what you're doing - and it is a challenge to teach babies to settle themselves down to sleep, even when you know they've been fed and are tired.

I never let her cry during the night though - always offered her milk straightaway until 5 1/2 months when of her own accord she started going through 12 hours without waking.

Night 6 update

DD did not wake at all in the night again, and woke alert and happy at 8:30am, after about 13 hours sleep!!!

Popsycal - this was really our last resort after DD was waking over and over in the night and just wouldn't settle at all. She also referred to our bed as her own. And after the cold she wouldn't even settle herself at bedtime either. I just wanted to do something before we went back to work (tomorrow) as I couldn't have coped on so little sleep and go in and teach those little dears

I have to say the first 2 nights I felt awful about it and it went against all my instincts, but DH and I did persevere. The hardest bit was to do it in the night time. But she is now 100% (if not more) better, and she seems even more alert, bright and happy during the day too.

Stupidgirl/Pidge - I never did CC at all in the past. DD is now 20 months so, despite always thinking CC was not for me, we did have to try something. Hopefully the past 2 nights have not been a fluke and we have cracked it. Fingers crossed.

Melsy, discovering that my ds (when v small) cried briefly before going to sleep made such a difference to me. Instead of hovering over him nervously and picking him up everytime he cried when he was clearly tired (which just made him more tired and upset) I'd walk downstairs and put the kettle on, by which time he'd have gone to sleep. It was as if he needed the final discharge of energy or a little 'I'm sooo tired' cry before he could let go and sleep. Interfering with this process just made him sleep deprived and frantic. It's not cc, it's just letting him settle. He doesn't cry before sleep now he's older. And for us, cc worked permanently, but not until he was 8months. Of course, some nights he was woken up with a bad dream or a bad tooth or something, but the old pattern of persistent waking went forever. Hooray!

Glad to hear it was a permanent change for you two. Feel much better about it all at the moment. We now have to go and open DD's bedroom door in a morning and then she knows it is time to get up if she stirs. I even had to go and tell her it was okay to get up this afternnon during her nap

hulababy - this sounds fantastic!!
ds was better last night - woke at 4:30 but i settled him back to sleep with his dummy
then woke at 6 and came in our bed for a cuddle then fell asleep for another hour
it is so hit and miss with him though

Hope he gets into a routine for you soon Popsy. Mind DD had gotten really really bad and wasn't even settling at bedtime last week. Such a turn around. Not sure I would want to do it with a really little baby though. At least I could talk to DD about it and she had some understanding of it all.

am wondering whether to try it...begin on a friday evening though....

one ds aged 17 months....i started a thread called waking at 4/5am recently

Definietly start at a weekend Popsy. The first 2 nights were not horrendous but it is tiresome doing the CC in the middle of the night.