High Needs Baby Support Group (thread IV)

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

Yoohooo! Over here!

The last thread was filling up so I've started us a sparkling new one.

The original thread was to support those of us with babies fitting the following criteria:

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Some of our babies have grown out of some of those now, but we're still here to support each other through the sleepless nights and noisy car journeys and to offer hugs, chocolate and wine to anyone who's struggling.

So if that list sounds familiar then come and join us as we delight in our active, inquisitive, curious and restless babies or toddlers!

yes her temp has been high at times. she has had the rash on and off a week or so now, i mentioned it to the doc and she said it could be related, but she didn't see it. having hard time getting meds into her though. poor wee munchkin
she has an antibiotic that she takes once a day 2.5mg ... it looks like milk. im not sure what it is

oh Jouful thats so hard... funny how one minute they are playing and the next they are screaming! i hope you are ok today after a night like that

please tell me you have 13 month old still nowhere near self settling?

to be fair she has nights where she does, just haven't given me one this month and we're averaging 3 wakings atm.

DD fed every two hours until older than this, but she was binary when it came to sleep. She either was or she wasn't and more importantly you could easily put her down!! I even worked full time from 4 months (and part time before that). It was fine, even though on paper it sounded bad and perhaps worse than DS.

I let him lay next to me tonight and just took the screaming for 45 mins. I didn't have the patience for rocking and was a bit afraid of being a bit too violent with it.

with your other not self settling, did you have a technique that worked?

I think that's what I struggle with, it's a lottery each week what works, whether he sleep without too much human contact and what period of waking he will do.

feeding to sleep stopped working two months back

thats so good youre able to deal with it better puddle....ithink in some ways u can get used to them being like this... but its the lack of sleep i cant cope with. just had another hard night and it affects everything, even what im able to do during the day

Hi, hope you don't mind a newbie. I've been reading up on HN babies and I think I have one too. Ds1 was the perfect baby who quickly found his routine but I am absolutely flabbergasted and tearing my hair out with ds2. He's 12 weeks and everyday I'm expecting it to get better and it just doesn't! I'm reading some of your posts and feeling like crying. I cannot do this for another 2 years or more. I know there's no easy answers but I guess this is a good place for usually cold tea and sympathy.

hi Natmu and welcome....theres lots of tea and tlc here. you never know whats around the corner with ds don't think years just take one day at a time :) i understand how relentless it can feel sometimes though. i hope we all manage to get a bit of sleep by ourselves tonight before the torture begins!

Hi Natmu . I have a 6 month old HN DD2 and although nights are still traumatic and naps, awake daytime is excellent she will sit and play happily where age used to be perma attached.

Joyful when's your MRI?

Climbing have you tried gradual withdrawal? Worked for DD1.

Well nights are a disaster again, she started to settle and has regressed back to every 45m -2hrs if that. She hates the cot again.

Yet on my birthday night she flipped on her belly and slept for hours! I know if I lay her on her front we will get sleep but I also know that's a big nono :(

Thanks for such a warm welcome especially choc hobnobs

Ds2 started to give me a taste of his true character on day 2 in the hospital after his birth. I literally had to feed him all night swapping from one boob to the other as every time I tried to put him down he would scream. He still is so much louder than other babies. He really damages ear drums when he wants to let you know he's not happy.
We have good days and bad. Sometimes he won't let me put him down at all (like today) and other days with some persuasion he takes naps and happily plays with toys, sometimes even on his own.

He just seems very intense. When he's smiling and happy he is utterly joyful but there is always the opposite extreme to match it. The same as for you all sleep is the biggest problem. Daytime naps are usually maximum of 30 minutes if I'm lucky and he usually won't allow himself to be put down for those. At night he conks out around 8 and will sleep fairly well until 11ish then after that he wakes more and more frequently throughout the night sleeping for about an hour at a time or sometimes less.

I've spent the past 12 weeks sleeping on the sofa with him in the pram next to me so that at least everyone else (DH and ds1) can get some sleep but 2 nights ago I cracked and we have installed the cot next to our bed with one side off and the mattress at the same height so I can try and get a better sleep. After first night DH has now stormed off to the sofa bed in the loft as he can't sleep despite ear plugs. Tbh feeling a bit resentful of him (DH that is) at the moment. Sorry to waffle on. You all seem so lovely on this thread. It's such a relief to find you! Best wishes to everyone for a good night.

By the way. Could I ask what your opinions are on co-sleeping? I avoided it at all costs with ds1 as I thought if he came into our bed we'd never get him out again. With ds2 I feel like sometimes it's the only way to settle him but then I have moment of self doubt and wonder if I'm just getting soft in my old age.

Tis that is lovely you having 3 dream babies before having ds. if you had of had him first.....!

i look at a lot of people i know who have just had babies and seem to be doing everything. they seem like dream babies...i wudn't wish a high need baby on anyone, but at the same time these people don't understand why i can't do everything and why im so knackered and not coping at different times. to them its a breeze.... why do we compare ourselves? i think i need more confidence as a mum that under these circumstances, i am doing ok, and under these circumstances, others might struggle too.

like someone just said, my dd sleeps not too bad from about 10 to about 1, then its hap hazard from there (she comes to my bed then) what im going to try to do is go to bed at the same time as her so at least ill have a few hours sleep behind me. i used to do this but haven't been lately as things have got in the way.

Hi Natmu and welcome. Sorry to hear that you're struggling. You will find lots of lovely support here, I certainly have!

I am a mum to a HN 8 month old DD - though as she's my first, I don't know anything different. It must be quite a shock if your first was 'normal'.

Nights are still pretty unsettled, but getting easier. And daytime has really improved. DD is very intense, but smiley, cheerful, giggly, super curious and alert. Since she was able to sit independently at around 7 months, she's been much more put downable. She'll now happily amuse herself with toys and play quite independently. She also loves going for walks in her push chair and playing in her jumperoo bouncer - both elicited nothing but screams and tears until about 5 months old! She still spends a little time in the sling when fussy or teething but doesn't live in it like she did as a younger baby - pretty much 24-7 as she wouldn't sleep lying down until 12 weeks.

I have survived the past 8 months only by co-sleeping through part of the night (highly recommend it especially if breast feeding) and having a very supportive DH who has been very hands on since DD's birth. Sadly, he seems to be in the minority as far as fathers who are willing to step up to their share of night-time parenting go. It's no wonder that you're feeling resentful if you have spent the past 3 months on the couch with DS in the pram while your DH gets a long night's uninterrupted sleep!

Attaching the cot to the side of the bed sounds like a great move to begin with. I really wanted to 'side car' my DD's like that but sadly lack the DIY skills!

Bio Ears silicone earplugs are very good, but in all honesty your DH should be supporting you a bit more at night. Or at least being more of a gentleman about the sofa-bed! I recommend you leave a copy of "The Fussy Baby Book" by Dr Sears under his pillow to educate him on the delights and challenges of raising a high need child. The Sears' had three calm and angelic little sleepers before their first high need baby came along.

Good luck and hang in there, I'm sure you are doing brilliantly.