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Original poster

Listening to my crying baby makes me feel sick

61 replies

sowaddayasay · 02/07/2012 19:40

What can I do? She has been crying for 40 horrible minutes, I try to pat her and caress her and stroke her little nose but she won't stop crying. She wants to sleep lying next to me but I need to get my evenings back, I have to work, I can't e going to bed at 8 anymore. I feel sick. She is 8 and a half months :(

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 02/07/2012 19:47

go and give her a cuddle

40 minutes is a long time. if you feel sick imagine how she feels!?

let her sleep downstairs next to you. or let her fall asleep with you and then put a pillow next to her instea of you and creep away

Original poster
sowaddayasay · 02/07/2012 19:49

Just went to her, patted and caressed her, she's not crying but sobbing and is perfectly awake. Ok, crying is starting again. I lost it a bit and was crying along.

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CherryBlossom27 · 02/07/2012 19:49

I think give her a cuddle, she won't fall asleep if she's not calm.

My DH has a novel approach to bedtimes, he makes DS laugh as he's carrying him to the cot and then he tucks him in and is straight out of the room. Not exactly the calm soothing routine where baby knows what's happening next, but it works for them two!

Original poster
sowaddayasay · 02/07/2012 19:50

I'm not letting her cry...I'm cuddling her as she's lying in bed. Back now.

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Original poster
sowaddayasay · 02/07/2012 19:52

Thisisyesterday, thank you, that's what I have been doing for 8 months now and she wakes up when I go most of the time. Everybody says that they will cry at first and get used to it, I really must be able to work for a few hours in the evening and this has to change, but I don't think I can take it

OP posts:
instantfamily · 02/07/2012 19:53

Have you got earplugs? I always found they took the edge off and made me be able to take calmer decisions. Sorry, can't help on how to stop the crying.

WowOoo · 02/07/2012 19:54

Might she be feeling a little bit under the weather?
I know my 2 ds' have both been run down recently and it's been longer to settle them. They are 6 and 3 yrs though. Blush

I remember how you feel. She'll get in to the swings of things before you know it.
sometimes you have to be easy on yourself too and the best way to do that is to calm her whilst calming yourself - sing a mellow song til she dozes off or cuddle and tell her a story really quietly about everyone sleeping etc etc.... Then creep out and fingers crossed for another attempt tomorrow.

Hebiegebies · 02/07/2012 19:55

Will she fall asleep if you lie next to her and stay asleep if you then get up?

I could never do the crying thing soon help there sorry

thisisyesterday · 02/07/2012 19:56

ds2 was a real velcro baby, we used the no-cry sleep solution when he was about 9 or 10 months old which worked fairly well.

but before then I perfected the art of leaving the sleeping baby.

step 1: get the baby to sleep (i did this by feeding, you might do it just by lying next to her) youneed a blanket, or a t-shirt you've had on or soemthing between you and baby

step 2: wait. wait at least 10 minutes to ensure baby is in a deep deep sleep.

step 3: start to roll over veeeeeeery slowly. if baby wakes then move back. if she just stirs then stop and wait. hopefully she should go back asleep.

step 4: start to move a pillow into your place as you move away. the blanket/t-shirt/whatever should stay on the pillow so it smells like you.

step 5: roll off the bed and onto the floor. yes, i know.

step 6: check baby is fast asleep and not suffocating on the pillow!

step 7: creep out of the room and go downstairs for a cuppa

BertieBotts · 02/07/2012 19:56

Could you do your work in the bedroom with her?

Would she manage with DH lying next to her instead of you? You could take turns?

thisisyesterday · 02/07/2012 19:57

if she really, really won't settle without you right there, and you need to work then i'd just have her downstairs with you.

i know i'll get a lot of people disagreeing with that, but i think it's easier to change your own way of doing things than expect a small baby to. if that makes sense.

BertieBotts · 02/07/2012 19:58

Oh and YY to what TIY said! The rolling/sliding onto the floor def works as if you sit or stand up straight away the mattress "pings" which alerts them to the fact you're leaving.

Also check they are in a deep sleep by picking up an arm and dropping it. If they startle or their arm moves then they're not asleep enough yet. If however the arm is totally limp then they're fine. Run away!

BertieBotts · 02/07/2012 19:59

Also agree with having her downstairs, even if she is awake, as long as that isn't too distracting.

Original poster
sowaddayasay · 02/07/2012 20:00

Have in and picked her up...she was happy and seemed to want to breastfeed and then not my nipple. Revenge? Blush

I know of those solutions

  1. Breastfeed to sleep and cosleep (why we have been doing since birth)
  2. .Let baby cry it out (don't want to)
  3. Comfort and pat till she falls asleep (not working, she still wants me there)
  4. Letting her cry for a few minutes, then caressing her in bed without getting her out ( have tried and failed, including tonight)

What is the point in trying? I have been kicking my head against the wall, not in a metaphorical way.

OP posts:
gloucestergirl · 02/07/2012 20:00

I have just been through this exactly myself this evening. I went into the room every 3-5 mins to comfort my DD. I sometimes just needed to shhhh and stroke her and pop her dummy back in, other times I had to pick her up and give her a good cuddle as suggested by thisisyesterday. Also swaddling calmed her when nothing else worked (god knows how as she kicks her way out almost immediately - but it worked, so won't question it). It took her 45 mins. Fingers crossed for you. I hope that it works. Don't give up as you are right you do need your evenings back and hopefully soon she'll have a new habit of sleeping by herself instead of with you.

WowOoo · 02/07/2012 20:01

Thisisyesterday - I had no idea there was a book / technique called that.
I should've written that as that's what I did vaguely.

Op - anything that works for you.

I'd also put on mellow, slow music -classical or reggae - in the room next door and lie there. Drowns out the wimpering and chilled me out a bit.

Sometimes put Cd on in ds room and have done this from birth.

Outnumbered4to1 · 02/07/2012 20:02

Have you tried pick-up put-down? Am goin through this with my 8mo who had always been fed or rocked to sleep. Now he self soothes with some help in his cot. I have my evenings back! But still up 4 or 5 times a night Sad

Original poster
sowaddayasay · 02/07/2012 20:05

Unless I find a way to settle her without my breast/presence in bed, it won't work.

Can't keep her downstairs she eat tired and cries plus I have a 3 year old that needs to go to bed too.

I have her in my arms again.

My dh thinks its my fault for not accepting she needs to learn to go to sleep on her own. So every night I'm back to zero.

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Original poster
sowaddayasay · 02/07/2012 20:08

Thanks for listening

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Declutterbug · 02/07/2012 20:12

Will she go to sleep in a sling?

This does sound so tough Sad.

Some babies just seem higher need than others. They honestly do all grow out of it eventually, but that doesn't make it any easier at the time

Original poster
sowaddayasay · 02/07/2012 20:18

Hello declutterbug, she's a bit heavy for a sling now, and what I need is her to accept the cot for her night sleep. She will usually nap there during the day ( its been up for a week now, before it was our bed)

As much as I love cosleeping it's starting to be tough, our 3 year old comes to our bed in the middle of the night, dh has no room so emigrates to son's bed. And my back is hurting from sleeping in a crooked position.

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Original poster
sowaddayasay · 02/07/2012 20:18

Thanks for the hugs too!

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iammovingsoon · 02/07/2012 20:19

It feels wrong because it is. She needs you. Whether that means sleeping downstairs in a sling, or upstairs with you on the bed.

I use my laptop on the end of the bed once my daughter's asleep (15 months) so I am still near enough to settle her with a hand, or feed her back to sleep quickly if necessary.

iammovingsoon · 02/07/2012 20:20

Also, you've got the wrong sling if she's too heavy.

thisisyesterday · 02/07/2012 20:22

but your DH needs to accept that she is a little baby who needs comfort and security, and that right now she just isn't ready to "learn" to go to sleep on her own.
because if you think about it she has no idea what it is you're trying to teach her.

all she knows is that normally you are there, but now you're leaving her to cry. she doesn't know you're still there, or that you're coming back.

maybe your DH could be a bit more proactive and lie with her after you've fed her? or cuddle her to sleep? or take her for a walk?
it's easy for him to say "oh you haven't taught her to fall asleep by herself" isn't it, without actually doing anything himsefl

i would highly recommend the no-cry sleep solution though. it isn't a quick fix, but it does work and there is really no crying