Listening to my crying baby makes me feel sick

[sowaddayasay]

What can I do? She has been crying for 40 horrible minutes, I try to pat her and caress her and stroke her little nose but she won't stop crying. She wants to sleep lying next to me but I need to get my evenings back, I have to work, I can't e going to bed at 8 anymore. I feel sick. She is 8 and a half months :(

i always did the same as yesterday the lie with them, i would wrap them in a sheet or blanket nad have that inbetween me and them, then place a pillow there as i rolled off the bed, slowly! and creep away.

they all gradually got better at being left to go to sleep on their own, without leaving them to cry. as they got older i could pat them etc, then sit on the edge of the bed etc.

and yes she is peak age for seperation anxiety! combine that with starting at a childminder and she needs your reassurance more than ever i would say.

it can be a pita, but it doesnt last forever, i promise she iwll get better!

I had similar issues with my DD at the same age. She is now 10mo and a lot better. It is awful I know but it will pass.

Have you read 'The Wonder Weeks'? It tells you about the various points at which you can expect your baby to be uber-clingy at night due to developmental leaps. It has been a lifesaver for me as DD is very affected by these 'weeks'. I got it when she was about 6mo and spent ages amazed at how accurate the timeframe had been for when we had had bad phases in the past... I had assumed it was her teeth at the time. I think there is also an app for Android and iPhone if you don't want to get the book.

Oh yes I second the wonder weeks book! It's based on extensive research.

Third how good Wonder Weeks book is. I have banged on about it so much to mates that they now remark how 'wonderful' DS is for his ability to be a PIA fussy exactly when the book says so.

trying to think back. I know I was very into sleep training and for a while thought it important to put DD down awake and 'teach' her to sleep. But, I think when she went into her own room, and also into a sleeping bag (from a swaddle) I just breastfed her to sleep and did so until she was nearly 1 - so out of bath, into sleepsuit and sleeping bag, onto boobs then into cot with CD playing. Which did work, she didn't wake when I out her down, or her eyes fluttered open and then she went back to sleep. But I never coslept so she had never been used to me being next to her. Waking in the night was letting her see if she would self-settle and then going in and sshh-patting, but ideally not lifting her up, would cuddle in the cot if you see what I mean.

I am all for babies learning that their cot is a lovely, safe, warm place to be, and also for babies to self-settle, but it is hard, without DH by my side I could not have done it - but now DD is 2.5 yrs and goes to bed no probs and sleeps through I am glad we put in the effort.

Are you absolutely certain she isn't teething? DD had very few symptoms of teething and I think there were a few occasions when a bit of Calpol wouldn't have done amiss, but we didn't realise until we saw a tooth. She's teething again now and is this time round dribbling a bit so at least I know, so I give a pre-emtive dose at bedtime which works a treat.

i really feel for you, i went through this for a year with my dd1 and it was hard but must be nearly impossible with a 3yr old as well.
is your baby like this in the day? i couldn't put mine down ast all, asleep/awake/feeding she was in my arms for 1yr solid!! but then she she got some independence and crawling/running around allday meant that at night she was truly exhausted so wasn't aware when i got up after lying with her to go to sleep.
i also used to make a bed of pillows, get baby to sleep holding her then very very very carefully place her in pillows and push them all up around her, if she stirs put a bottle/dummy in her mouth. that would work 50% of the time.
just remember it is such a short time that they are like this and she WILL grow out of it.

Thank you so much for all the replies!

Feel a lot happier today, still lying next as I moved her to the cot that's now right next to our bed...and she's in a grobag so hope that will keep her warm and asleep.

All your comments reminded me I need to be patient and consistent and most of all remember she's only tiny and I'm her most beloved person so of course she wants me there all the time.

So far, so good, let's see how the night goes... I love letting her sleep by me and breastfeeding her lying down but wonder if that will confuse her more.

That should be "still lying next to her"

Last night went well! Fed her to sleep at 8, she slept till 11.45 and I fed her, put her in cot, then again at 2.30 and again at 6.30 when I finally left her sleeping by me till 8...

First proper (broken but with her in her cot) night since birth! Yes!

Thank you xxxx

Glad things are getting slowly better.
I can relate to the Dh thing. Mine was supportive of me breastfeeding yet would tell me to do things, like leave ds to cry, that went totally against my instinct.
Ds2 spent most of his first two years in our bed and often hops in now he is 3. ! Not a problem for us as we can all -mostly- sleep well together.

Sounds like you are being quite determined and it's paying off.

Thanks WowOoo, last night was quite unsettled (was waking up often) but she was in her cot for most of it so it's all going well still!