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Co-Sleeping - Why is it so controversial?

56 replies

leonsmum · 27/02/2006 11:16

Like most mums I routinely bought a cot and never intended to co-sleep. I went to great length to enchourage DS to sleep in it all night. Whilst some babies seem to do that without too much of a fuss, my DS didn't and night-times were tiring, stressful nightmare for a long time. Then, I started co-sleeping with DS at 6 months old. At first I felt guilty - my friend with a baby of his age was appalled. The co-sleeping kept happening and as I lay there one night with us all happily snuggled up together I thought - why on earth am I fighting this? Human being in other countries and for millions of years before have all slept huddled together, safe and nurtured and secure. Babies in other cultures where they co-sleep and are carried around in slings are known to rarely cry. I realised that no only was I tring to inforce a modern ideal on him - sleep away from mummy in a cot on your own all night - but then feeling like a bad mother for not achieving it. From that night on I stopped trecking in and out of his room in the cold as he cried and as he willingly slept the first half of the night in his cot, I would simply bring him into our bed when he woke up where unless he was teething, he would sleep through.
When I wake up at night feeling scared and alone I can snuggle up to my other half, so why should I force my baby to sleep alone when he's so utterly dependant on me for everything?
Is there any co-sleepers out that with similar experience to this and how did you handle MIL's and friends who didn't understand why you were doing it?

OP posts:
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Gloworm · 27/02/2006 11:22

I think co-sleeping is lovely too. Both my babies were emergency CS and so breastfeeding was much easier is co-sleeping. I have never understood why people are so against it.

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 27/02/2006 11:24

I co-slept with my ds from when he was a new born (hes 3.5 now and still comes into my bed in the middle of the night which i dont mind) No body seemed to have a problem with it :)

Ds2 never co-slept, but on the whole is a much better sleeper than ds1. I dont know if there is a connection (he is almost 2 now)

LucyJu · 27/02/2006 11:32

I don't co-sleep, but I don't have any problem with others doing differently. I think it is simply an issue where you should do whatever works best for you and your baby. If you aren't telling others where their baby should sleep, I don't see that they have any right to criticise your choice.
OTOH, I met a woman once who said that her 15-year-old son still co-slept with his parents at weekends (I kid you not!). Maybe time for his own bed? I think so.

Gloworm · 27/02/2006 11:33

i dont think there is a connection, both mine co-slept and we have one good sleeper and one bad sleeper! Ds was 4 on saturday and would still cosleep every night if he was allowed. Dd is 2yrs and sleeps really well in her own bed, but would love a snuggle in our bed too!

Gloworm · 27/02/2006 11:34

was commenting on tamba's thread by the way...not the 15yr old bit!!

Blondeinlondon · 27/02/2006 11:38

Leonsmum - just don't tell people you are doing it
It is none of their business

I don't cosleep as me and DH are heavy sleepers and DS might get squished!

FairyMum · 27/02/2006 11:42

My mil thinks I am "giving in" to the baby and will never get them out of bed. I think is a bit "older generation". Other friends have heard that co-sleeping can cause cot death. They don't know the full details and just worry and think I am uninformed.

bluejelly · 27/02/2006 12:04

I coslept with my dd till she was about 18 months. She adjusted to her own bed with little fuss and has slept well ever since. Most children around the world sleep with their parents when small... it's a normal thing to do.
I just wouldn't tell anyone and then you don't have to explain!

1980cat · 27/02/2006 12:12

None of the statistics about co-sleeing made any sense to me. Not that it would have mattered anyway I love having Dd, who's 2, in bed with me, most of the time anyway. It was one if the midwifes that encouraged me to take her in beside me whilst we were still in hospital as she wasn't feeding well and I was getting no sleep.
I could proably cound the number of full nights she has slept on her own on one hand. She has only just moved into her own bed in her own room and still comes through in the middle of the night.
She still is a very cuddly child, climbing on me at the moment to watch the tv with her hand on my tummy to relax.

P0SSUM · 27/02/2006 12:22

where does your babe nap? just curious..

Boopert · 27/02/2006 12:31

My ds sleeps with us every night. I have no problem with it. He is 3yo now and we are going to wait until his new room is decorated and maybe when our new baby comes put baby in the same room as him. He is like me and suffers really bad night terrors. Like you say leonsmum, if you're feeling scared, theres someone to snuggle. I get critisied by my MIL for it but hes my ds and i am raising him my way. Anyone with a problem with my parenting skills can bog off as far as i'm concerned!!!!

Boopert · 27/02/2006 12:32

Oh, btw, my night terrors stopped when i was about 8! Not that bad now.... LOL

leonsmum · 27/02/2006 13:10

P0SSUM, he nis happy to nap in his cot in the day, but he has to snuggle on me and we read a book or two first.

It's great to hear so many others are enjoying co-sleeping.

has anyone every used one of those cots that 'clip' onto the bed? If think that's what I'd opt for if we have another as I would like to co-sleep from the start next time.

OP posts:
leonsmum · 27/02/2006 13:15

Alos, probably is a lot more sensible just not to tell people about it who I know have very different ideas to me!

OP posts:
drosophila · 27/02/2006 13:19

CO slept with DS but DD is a real fidget and won't sleep in our bed so it's cot for her. You do what seems best and probably is.

Boopert · 27/02/2006 13:35

I find not mentioning it to HV the best one, otherwise she spends ages telling me how its all wrong, ds has no boundaries blah blah blah. Unfortunately ds is too young to read her manual on what he should and shouldn't be doing!
Also, last time i mentioned it she booked an appointment for the Community Nursery Nurse to come over and interfere.... Ds godmother has been nursery nurse for 16years and she thought it was a load of b***ks!
If new baby wants to get in for a cuddle i see no harm in it.

Monkeybar · 27/02/2006 13:37

I was the same as you leonsmum. I kept trying to get DS to sleep in his cot, although he and me were in a separate room to DH, so I had a double bed to myself next to his cot. About 6 weeks ago (he's now 7 months) I decided that it would be less disruptive to my sleep if I had him in with me and fed him lying down and half alseep myself as he had started to wake frequently (it turned out to be 2 teeth coming through together). He still wakes a few times in the night to be fed, but TBH I don't mind that and I do love the cuddles in the wee small hours. He always starts the night in his cot and if he wakes early on will settle back to sleep, sometimes by himself and sometimes with a bit of help. When he wakes around midnight I go to his room and then bring him in with me. I think I probably get more sleep now than I did when I was putting him back in his cot. I might have a different view when I go back to work in a couple of months time, though!

MIL thinks I am way too soft on him anyway - she and FIL said I should leave him to cry when I first got him home from hosp! Feel a bit of a failure, but then me and he are both happy. The only one missing out is DH!!

lazycow · 27/02/2006 14:45

I would love to co-sleep with ds. He just has always slept much better in his cot (right from a very early age). I tried co-sleeping for quite a while but he would be awake for ages and finally fall asleep when I put him in the cot out of desperation [sleep]

Now he is a bit older he seems to sleep better with me (he still comes in when ill etc as I'm too lazy to keep getting up and since he's going to be awake anyway I may as well lie down and comfort him !!)

I quite enjoy it when he does sleep with me ahhh!!

lazycow · 27/02/2006 14:46

Mind you - maybe it is in the genes. I've always hated anyone touching me while I go to sleep. I need lots of space - maybe ds is the same.

sandyballs · 27/02/2006 15:13

Do what you want to do, don't worry about what other people think or say to you, easier said than done I know.

I love being snuggled up with my DD in bed now and then, couldn't stand it every night though.

I think the only down side to co-sleeping is your sex life, or lack of Grin. Bit hard on the hubbies I think.

spidermama · 27/02/2006 15:23

I find the best way to deal with the opinions of others is to not give a flying toss what they think. Grin

purplemonkeydishwasher · 27/02/2006 15:37

\link{http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/cosleep.html\This} made me feel better about cosleeping

purplemonkeydishwasher · 27/02/2006 15:37

oh yeah and don't tell MIL, it's not worth the bother. (What's with MIL's anyway?!!)

saadia · 27/02/2006 16:04

We still co-sleep with ds1 (4) but are going to try and get him into his own bed as it's now a struggle to get him and ds2 to go to sleep (started various threads on this).

Ds2 (2) sleeps in his cot but sometimes comes into the bed with us. TBH I think that both dh and I secretly love this arrangement and will be a little bit sad when it ends, even though we do think ds1 should be sleeping on his own by now.

Hattie05 · 27/02/2006 16:11

I started out as you, with the intention for dd to sleep in a cot, but she NEVER liked it and often slept in our bed.

Then once she got a 'big girls' bed she has loved going to sleep by herself in it. But always wakes at some point (anywhere between 1 and 6am) and climbs in with us.
I love this because it means we get the first part of the night in bed alone Wink she goes straight back to sleep and we all enjoy a big cuddle in the morning.

Absolutely anyone who knows this, will role their eyes, sigh and say when is she going to learn to sleep in her own bed.

I simply reply - but i like her sleeping in our bed why would i change it?

It is very difficult to not let these comments get to me and i have in the past doubted my own decisions, but i am finding the older dd gets the more i can stand up for myself iykwim! dd is 3 btw.

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