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Co-Sleeping - Why is it so controversial?

56 replies

leonsmum · 27/02/2006 11:16

Like most mums I routinely bought a cot and never intended to co-sleep. I went to great length to enchourage DS to sleep in it all night. Whilst some babies seem to do that without too much of a fuss, my DS didn't and night-times were tiring, stressful nightmare for a long time. Then, I started co-sleeping with DS at 6 months old. At first I felt guilty - my friend with a baby of his age was appalled. The co-sleeping kept happening and as I lay there one night with us all happily snuggled up together I thought - why on earth am I fighting this? Human being in other countries and for millions of years before have all slept huddled together, safe and nurtured and secure. Babies in other cultures where they co-sleep and are carried around in slings are known to rarely cry. I realised that no only was I tring to inforce a modern ideal on him - sleep away from mummy in a cot on your own all night - but then feeling like a bad mother for not achieving it. From that night on I stopped trecking in and out of his room in the cold as he cried and as he willingly slept the first half of the night in his cot, I would simply bring him into our bed when he woke up where unless he was teething, he would sleep through.
When I wake up at night feeling scared and alone I can snuggle up to my other half, so why should I force my baby to sleep alone when he's so utterly dependant on me for everything?
Is there any co-sleepers out that with similar experience to this and how did you handle MIL's and friends who didn't understand why you were doing it?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Boopert · 27/02/2006 16:17

Well as far as a sex life goes, i'm 17weeks pg and been told no sex!! We actually got pg on one rare night off. Think i might loan my supersperm dh out....
So as far as sex life, whats that again???? LOL

P0SSUM · 27/02/2006 16:57

good on you all for doing what works for you. my midwife tut tutted at me for choosing NOT to co-sleep! personally i like to have sex with my husband and moan and groan and yawn to my hearts content without fear of waking the baby....

spidermama · 27/02/2006 20:18

LOL Possum.
I'm amazed at your mw. You;re not in England are you?

nulnulcat · 27/02/2006 20:32

she slept in my bed once after coming out of hospital after being quite ill she was a complete fidget and i got no sleep and a black eye! she is allowed to get in for a cuddle at the weekend but thats it she sleeps in her own bed and anyway i like my sex life to much

Hattie05 · 27/02/2006 22:11

Ah but Possum - as my dd knows no different, she has learnt to sleep through my moans and yawns and limbs stretching all over her! Wink. And as i said before she's not there during the first part of the evening when dp and i may appreciate time alone. Wink

twinsetandpearls · 27/02/2006 22:42

We are quite relaxed about co sleeping, dd (4.6) has her own bed in her own room where she starts the night but if she wants to come and join us she does.

She slept on her own as a baby and probably sleeps in her own bed half the week. I just don't think it is worth stressing about - some of my friends think it a bit odd especially as dd is so independent in so many other ways. WE are currently looking to buy a bigger bed though!

Tortington · 27/02/2006 23:00

becuase by default which ever method you advocate you are inferring that other mothers used inferior or less effective methods - thereby casting aspersions on their parenting techniques

i think your all up yer own arses. :)

nulnulcat · 27/02/2006 23:08

im not criticising anyone i think it would be nice to cuddle up with your children in bed but my daughter just wriggled to much and i dont like being injured!! and she was a really sicky baby so it was much easier to change sicky covered crib bedding than my king size bed bedding!

twinsetandpearls · 27/02/2006 23:20

I don't think our co sleeping was a grand decision that reflects any great ideological stance on the nature of parenting. Dd just has a habit of getting into bed with us and we are not bothered!

twinsetandpearls · 28/02/2006 00:17

Have had a complete u turn - just tried to go to bed and there is no room - so I am sleeping in dd bed and she is sleeping with dp in our bed! Grin

P0SSUM · 28/02/2006 13:22

yup i'm in england. m/w was very herbal. but lovely.

P0SSUM · 28/02/2006 13:25

custardo....are you serious? or did i just not get your post?

Lilyofthevalley · 28/02/2006 13:39

So many people told me not to let dd into my bed as I'd never get her out again.
I do give her cuddles in bed sometimes but mostly she sleeps in her cot. This is purely because I need my space and time to myself not because I think it's wrong. I couldn't have my dd glued to me 24 hrs a day!

Lilyofthevalley · 28/02/2006 13:40

I am curious tho, can any co-sleepers tell me:

  1. Where does your baby nap in the daytime? Do you have to lay down with them to get them off to sleep?
  1. What is bedtime? Is it different for you and your baby or do you both go to bed at the same time?
leonsmum · 28/02/2006 13:49

Hi Lilyofthevalley

My DS (10 months) naps in his cot in the day. We read a few books then he gets sleepy on me having cuddles, then he goes in his cot.

His bedtimes routiene starts around 6.30/7pm and he's usally asleep in his cot by 7.30pm, same as in the day - he falls pretty much to sleep on me and then wakes up momentarily when I put him in his cot.

Most evenings he then sleeps though til midnight or 1am. When he wakes I bring him into bed with us where he usually sleeps through till morning unless etthing or whatever - but I dont have to get out of bed if he wakes up which is great!!!!

OP posts:
Boopert · 28/02/2006 18:56

My ds goes to bed at 6-6:30 in our bed. Means i get to sit down and unwind on my lovely sofa before i go up.
I don't think it's right or wrong, just what works for you.
Why are there idiots with stupid arse opinions wherever you go??

purplemonkeydishwasher · 28/02/2006 20:13

Lily - I've been wondering the same things. When my DS is tired and ready for bed I take him up (usually 830 - 9ish), nurse him and he falls asleep. That's the easy bit. But he wakes up crying at least twice before settling for the night and usually he;s in with us by 12. So I've basically given up trying to go spend time with DH and just read in bed or fall asleep.
During the day he naps either on the sofa (with me in the room with him at all times) or in his pram (we leave at least an hour early for everything so he can sleep before we get there!!)
He's teething at the moment so I'm praying that his sleep pattern will improve.

Tortington · 01/03/2006 15:45

possum - i was totally serious

P0SSUM · 01/03/2006 15:57

oh. well up yours then.

expatinscotland · 01/03/2006 16:00

If custardo were taking the p*ss, she'd let you know.

Serendippity · 01/03/2006 16:01

Tbh the thought of co-sleeping scares me to death. I'd be so scared of hurting dd i wouldn't sleep at all i don't think, but apart from that, the thought of transfer eventualy from our bed to sleeping on their own also scares me Blush
I like having the bed just for myself and dp and the programmes you see where the parents actualy haven't had a night to themselves in 5 or 6 years..eek.
Having said that, i'm a great believer in live and let live and if you're happy with it, and your kids are happy with it then fine, everyone's entitled to their own opinion :). The only thing that makes me activly think it's not a good idea is the increased risk of cot death (but i don't think that is actualy proved, i'm not sure)

If that's what you like to do leonsmum then do it, and enjoy it it is your descion not your mil's your freinds or anyone elses.

P0SSUM · 01/03/2006 16:05

well expat, good for custardo. must be good being her.

whats the point in making a shit comment like that on a thread where (for once) no one was slagging eachother off for their choices. i mean jesus, up our own arses? what warranted that? oh i know....encouraged to express own opinions/public forum and all that.

expatinscotland · 01/03/2006 16:07

'oh i know....encouraged to express own opinions/public forum and all that. '

yep.

anniemac · 01/03/2006 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 01/03/2006 18:47

you took my arse comment out of its context ( the paragraph before) there fore my arse comment meant that i generally find people who take things as seriously as i suggested( in the paragraph before) are fairly anal about it.

which is clearly differet from saying you are an arse

or up yours

or even shove it up your arse.

my opinion was not random swearing to piss you or anyone else off.

and quite frankly i am appaulled at the intonation that i would be as personal as you have made it.

good night