Let's all meet here for a sleep deprivation support group

[ImNotAnsweringIt]

I though it might be helpful to have a general thread with survival tips for dealing with the exhaustion and misery of the long or short term effects of lack of sleep. I bet we can all find someone worse off than ourselves, and that's always a help, hmm?

My little tips for making things more bearable:

Make sure you are warm enough when you have to get up in the night. Have dressing gown and slippers by your bed if neccesary. This also helps you get back to sleep quickly, should you be fortunate enough to have the opportunity!

Have lovely breakfast things in. I always have expensive cereal in the cupboards Just For Me.

Anyone else? Hang in there everyone, I am having a very down day today which is what inspired me to start this.

Hey mrs so sorry to hear things are still tough, can I ask why you are sleeping on a blow up bed?
I really feel for you, not sure what to suggest as we are now doing cc and been so tough, my lo is just getting over a cough and cold so where we were making progress it took a massive back step and was probably the worse it's been. So I can't really offer advice.
Last night dh did the getting up when she woke, we kinda had a little argument as he wanted me to sleep and him sort her out but our house is small so difficult to sleep.....anyway he was up from 10.30 till 12 where he gave her a bottle and had to do a little cc but he cracked it eventually then she woke at 5am he went in gave her the dummy and she slept till 8 so She can do it. He did say how hard it was and what a struggle it must be for me!
Tonight though I fed her, she was wide awake so I put her in the cot, kissed her left the room and she moaned a little, had to go in once to put her back on her back and she cried/moaned a little but settled herself. I am buzzing about it. But am worried if I can do it during the night when Im shattered.
Does anyone think I am right in still giving her a feed about 1 or 2 in morn if she has slept for 5 or 6 hours?? I breast feed still but she does take a bottle when her dad has her. Breast feeding counsellor says I shouldn't be feeding her in the night but I worry she is hungry.....unsure.

Yes I am very lucky to be able to stay at home now with lo, be a little struggle but I do have an interview at a new nursery where they want someone 'as and when' and I can take lo with me, it may only be a couple of hours a week but it is so ideal. Yes it would of have been hardwork doing what I did at nursery, plus no sleep and on my day off I'd have to do lots of paperwork so I feel great and sure I have made the right decision.

Good luck to all for tonight. Xxxx

birchy....that's fab! I can understand your worry about being consistent but just remember the buzz you are feeling now. That's a massive step...well done!
That's excellent news you can now be at home with your LO...the new nursery set-up sounds ideal...good luck!
I have a weekend job so DH has our DS when he is off & we can eliminate nursery fees.
Last night was good...bottle at 6pm & DS in bed by 7pm. Woke before 2am but self-soothed after I went in once. Slept then til 6am. I am finding slowly what works for us..not just at night time but small adjustments to day time routine as well.
Supernanny techniques work very well for us.

wifey pleased to see that things are going well, last night sounds like it was good. Do u ever feed during the night? Or do u refused to now?
I am off to bed now to hopefully get some sleep, little anxious about her waking and not settling but am determined to make sure she goes to at least 1am before I feed her. Ideally I want to cut out night feeds but am unsure what to do.
Good luck for another good night.
Xx

My DS has not had night feeds since he was weaned at 4 months. Hope you get a good nights sleep!

Well I can't believe it, she slept till 12 where she needed to be settled took awhile with cc but she finally did it and no night feed and slept till 6.15!!!!! Don't want to get too excited but woohoo!!!!

birchy...that's fab!!

Sounds like things are getting slightly better for you wifey and birchy.

mrsD that sounds like an awful night

DD really is getting worse. It's really starting to get my down, she's now having between 5/6 wake ups per night, sometimes worse, never better. I am sick of co sleeping, she prods and pokes, pulls my hair, puts her fingers in my mouth etc. But no one gets any sleep when I try and keep her in her cot. Her daytime sleeps are still difficult, will still only sleep in my arms or in a sling.

About night feeds. DD is 6 months on Sunday. Should I still be trying to feed her in the night? I always try to because I'm worried she doesn't get enough during the day but tbh she doesn't really want it and will normally only take an ounce or two. Should I just stop trying to feed her in the night?

Can't help you I'm afraid. DD still wakes in the night at 8 months and I have no idea whether I should try and stop feeding her in the night or what. Last night was 1130, 1230, 330 and 6 and I have stinking cold and a heavy period and feel a bit mad from sleep deprivation after the night a few nights ago when she woke every 20 mins or so. I have such a headache. I think she wakes cos she has a terrible cold, but she's always got a terrible cold and I'm just at my wits end.
At 1130 I got her back to sleep quickly with shush pat but at 1230 i was knackered and didn't want to drop her or anything so i fed her lying down. Same with the other wakings.
her naps are crap during the day too, which is think is all bound up with the night wakings, but all too much to untangle.
Then I realise she really has got a terrible cold and a bit of a cough and I feel bad about being so negative, but she's ALWAYS got something. There's ALWAYS a cough or a cold or tummy upset and I just don't see hwo that's going to change, she'll keep getting them off DS and then it'll be nursery in September and she'll get them all there. Gah.
Also heard from a friend with a 7 month old who sleeps 645pm to 5am and I know it's stupid but it's really upset and depressed me, like I must be doing something wrong, but I don't know what. Feel like everyone in the whole (except on this thread) is sleeping. Even DH doesn't really get it. He says he understands but I don't think you can if you haven't been there, can you?
Sorry...feeling really really sorry for myself today.

and I'm eating so much crap to "cheer myself up" for feeling so sleep deprived that I am getting a right gut and that's making me miserable. i just feel totally trapped in a life of crapness at the moment. DS was awful all over Christmas..tantrum after tantrum and I've just had enough I really have. Feel like packing my bags and getting on a train and going somewhere, anywhere BY MYSELF.

Hi Pipoca and all other sleep deprived mums. I stayed away for a little while as we had a truly shocking time over Christmas with sleep, thank god DH was home on holidays and I could get some daytime naps. We had the top two teeth come through at the same time as DD and I had a cold, and DD has massive separation anxiety at the moment and would only sleep ON me. Not just in the bed with me, ON me. She's about 80cm tall now so not exactly comfortable for me to fall asleep with her wriggling about.

Things are starting to get better (until the next thing!) so since the nights were shockingly awful anyway I decided to stop feeding at night between midnight and 6am which has resulted in her eating more solids (9mo). We are 12 nights into it now. DH wanted me to give in a couple of nights ago but I stayed strong, oh how I hate those middle of the night arguments! Hope everyone gets a good night tonight. x

He Guys.
Im posting this on as many sleep threads as I can....we used this fantastic lady..she really is lovely and knows what she is on about..she literally saved my sanity!!
www.sleepingstars.co.uk

We're in teething hell at the moment. Feel I can't do any of the NCSS work with DS while he's so miserable, so dosing him up on Calpol and feeding to sleep. I was going to list the waking times, but I really can't remember them. All I know is that he ended up in bed with me at 3.30, which is the earliest I've ever let him sleep with me, so I feel covered in failure.

Elli71, I know you probably mean well, but I wish you'd posted on a separate thread. The idea of hiring someone like that has brought me even lower. I'm actually crying now at the thought of it, and do feel a little as if you've invaded a safe place where I could vent. Sorry. Just the way I feel right now. Probably sleep deprived.

script....failure is if you give up & you haven't done so. So do not feel that way. Teething is a whole new ball game...my DS is dreadful when teething. Have you tried teething granules...? Really helps my DS calm down hence enabling him to a little bit longer pain free. I think talks of sleep gurus is the last thing we want advertised on here!! We will get through this sleep deprivation..together with eachothers help..support & hopefully with our sanity. If not I will personally set up a Sleep Took My Sanity thread!!
We are their mummies & we know what is best..not a stranger.

pip you sound as miserable as I feel. And I do the exact same thing with food. I feel like a different person. I used to have a good figure and I regularly went to the gym. Today I wore my dressing gown all day and ate too many miniature heros. Hope it gets better soon.

Elli I'm sure you mean well but to me suggesting someone like that just makes it seem like your saying I'm doing something wrong. Which makes me feel crap.

Do you know what's really worrying me? DD is so bad at the moment and there's nothing wrong with her. What's going to happen when she gets ill or starts teething?

Ems your DD sounds a bit like mine, she just wants to be near me all the time. Its exhausting isn't it?

wifey can I ask for some advice for the sleep separation technique? When I try it with DD she usually spits her dummy out, rolls over then cries so I have to keep touching her to put it back in. Or she does what she is currently doing spits her dummy out, rolls over and then laughs at me (really really proper belly chuckle laughing) and refuses to calm down. What should I do?

God I hate bedtimes.

Good luck everyone for tonight.

broom....I will help if I can...of course. My DS used to do the same & would reach his arms out. My routine is: after laying DS down I say 'it's bedtime sweetheart'.
I then sit profile to him...far enough so he can't grab me.
I hang my head so he can't see my face.
If he speaks to me I either ignore or ssshh.
If he gets up/stands up I lay him back down & say : 'it's bedtime sweetheart' ( after that I do not communicate).
I hang my head & resume technique. My DS used to 'test' me for about 10 minutes & then would lay down & fall asleep.. Although the first attempts took anything from 1 hour to 20 mins. ... It's so hard in the early stages to stay consistent but it really does work. I do the technique every night when I need to & in the middle of the night when we stopped the co-sleeping habit. I do not pretend to have the answers but by reading the supernanny toddler care book I really feel I understand my DS a bit better & how to deal with these things a bit better now. I don't let myself get complacent as blips happen. I really hope this helps a little. PM me or message me again on here if you need any more advice.

I'm off to bed soon in an attempt to get some sleep in before the nonsense starts. Had a big weepy meltdown this morning (and one on Sunday) and have felt a bit out of it all day..you know how you do after crying. Got shitloads done though funnily enough: laundry, cleaning, sorting DS' old toys, cooked for tomorrow and day after, dentist for a check up. Seem to get more done on the days I feel like pants, almost as revenge on fate, clawing back some control or something. I am determined to go and have a look in the sales (they start in Spain on the 7th Jan) tomorrow no matter how shit tonight is and get myself something nice. I'm thinking some nice pjs seeing as I spend so much time in pjs!
Elli I'm with the others, here is NOT the place to advertise that kind of thing. I'm not sure my sleep fuddled brain can articulate why, but it just isn't. This is our safe place to vent and talk to others who aren't trying to "fix" it, just sympathise while we work it out for ourselves. And we will ladies.....we'll get there. It might take a while but it won't take forever. (Might feel like forever tho .
xx

Have any of you read 'The Fabulous Mum's Handbook' by Grace Saunders. It really is amazing. It's a book about real mummy/baby stuff told without the sugar-coating. Has a great section on sleep problems.

pips hope you get something fab tomorrow and things get a bit better for you. I totally agree with you about people not understanding. Even DH. How could he when he never ever once got up with DD? I have even stopped reading the other sleep threads cos I get too upset at the occasional poster saying 'please help my 7 week old baby that only wakes once in the night anyway sleep through'. Its TOTALLY unreasonable of me, I know cos they must obviously be having a hard time but in a funny way it makes me feel like more of a failure cos my 1 year old is so rubbish in comparison.

script urgh teething is so grim. Sounds like you totally did the right thing. It just seems a bit painful for both of you to even attempt to try anything from NCSS. I swear that book is not designed for the truly sleep deprived cos it all just seemed a bit beyond what I'm capable of.

Hi ems well done for staying strong! That's great news! Is it helping your DD's sleep too?

birchy that's fab news too! Hope your success is continuing. I got really confused about night feeds with CC too. It didn't matter so much for DD as it was well time she dropped them at 1. I think for DS we dis it like you though cos he was only 6 months. All a big horrible blur though. Btw the blow up bed is cos DD is in our room while we do CC so she doesn't disturb DS so we have to sleep in the living room. Thinking of moving her back into DS's room this weekend as fed up of the sofa!

imnot how are things with you? Hope they are a bit better..

We are having better luck with the night - still screamed for half an hour before sleeping but last night SHOCK!! slept through till 6!!!! Hopefully that was not a random fluke to taunt me. Naps however are still an out and out disaster. Sat and sun I tried to do cc for naps and she screamed for a full hour every time and slept for 10 mins in total both days. I think I cried uncontrollably as much as she did. Even poor DS came to give me a hug and said "it's ok mummy". Then I felt like I was harming him too in some way by just crying all the time . I just don't get it. How can she survive with a max 30mins a day nap, even at nursery with their magic touch of getting all the babies to sleep? I have got no idea what to do. She won't feed or be rocked to sleep in the day anymore either. But it's all relative, I think back to 2 weeks ago when I would have killed for a 3 hour stretch of sleep at night so my new mantra is must not be ungrateful!

Spreading the good sleep vibes to you all x

Hello. I would have found you earlier but I am TOO FUCKING TIRED.

Have DS, 3yo, and DD, 5.5mo. DS is no problem, sleeps all night although wakes up early and dropped his nap at 2yo. DD is ebf, a happy smiley gorgeous chuckling delight, but an even more shitey sleeper than DS was at this age. Things are particularly bad atm as she has a brutal cold and doesn't like being laid even vaguely flat. She barely naps at all during the day, unless attached to me, and is quite a light sleeper. She does go down in her cot for a few hours in the evening thankfully, so I do get a bit of a breather then, but once she wakes up she refuses to settle unless next to me, so in she comes with us.

I do like the cosleeping - she is very probably my last baby so I want to enjoy her baby time, iyswim - but lately she is using me as a dummy all night and I am too exhausted to do anything about it. I feel like I am disappearing, like I don't exist other than as human soother, receptacle for baby sick, dispenser of food and half-arsed entertainment to DS, who I also worry gets a raw deal as I am weepy and impatient. Oh, and DD won't take a bottle or a dummy, so no break there.

It is a relief to find somewhere to offload all this stuff. Feeling especially weepy today as, after a night of wake-ups at 9.30pm, 11pm, 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am, got up at 5.11am with both kids to discover my cats have clawed a massive hole in the carpet of our rented flat :(

Hello Bender! That sounds like the nights I had over Christmas and New Year. Truly awful. I remember reading the phrase "crying tired" on a sleep thread here once and I think that truly sums up how I feel on those days.

MrsDobalina I dare not make assumptions but DD has slept ever so slightly better the last 3 nights. Back to waking up every 3 hours or so which was the norm pre teething and cold craziness, but normally sleeping on me from about 3:30am so not really restful for me. We have had 2 nights where she slept a 4 hour stretch and one night where she slept 11-4 BLISS. I don't realistically expect her to sleep better until we reach a point of refusing all night feeds, as she's too little really to understand that she'll get a feed if she wakes at 11 but not if she wakes at 3. I am pleased to report that she's eating more solids so I think that I'll try and drop all night feeds soonish. If that doesn't help matters then I'm a bit more comfortable at getting tough as I will know she's not truly hungry, just waking from habit.

well I shall join you ladies if thats ok. My dd3 is 20 months and wakes up at 4 or 5 am every morning after restless tossing and turning all night which keeps me awke. She is still in my room as there is no room for her in the girls room at the moment. As I dont go to bed until 12 or 1 am due to ds SN and him not being able to settle himself quite often then I am only getting a few hours of sleep a night and I am feeling ill with tiredness

Welcome to the newbies!!!! Although sorry u have join really cos means u feel like the rest of us and it's not nice hey.
Sounds like uve come to the right place though hope u get some good advice as I'm sure u will.

I've had another good night, she was asleep by 8.30 and up at 2.30 asleep by 3am and up at 7.15, shocked. But she is very poorly today, rushed to hospital as she went limp and cldnt lift her head, just layed there and was burning up, she is constipated too, but luckily it is only her tonsils....I say only but of course it's awful for her but I was thinking the very worst she looked terrible and I panicked. So prob in for a bad night but I don't mind at all. Just hope she gets better.

wifey have you had more good nights?

Oo birchy...how scary!! I hope your LO gets well soon! We had a good night last night...asleep by 8pm...fidgeted at 12:30am for dummy..fidgeted again at 5am for dummy...woke at 6am so I took him in to see DH & DS fell back to sleep with us til 7am. We only had 2-3 nights when DS was adjusting to staying in his bed where he would cry when I left the room...but we have (touch wood) had more good nights than bad.
Welcome newbies...sorry you have had to join...but let this be a sanctuary for advice..support...a place to vent & if like me..a place that restores sleep deprived sanity. One (or more) are here day or night.

Argh! Neighbours are arguing for the 3rd night in a row. Constantly disturbing DD! Am absolutely fuming!

Not too bad then wifey, it would be nice if they could settle their self too but I guess that's just asking too much haha. I was surprised mine didn't do too bad last night, she woke at 3.30 and I did feed her (this is where I'm soft when she is poorly) but then back down at 4 and still asleep now (7.15). So pretty good really.
Ah broom that's not good, u must be hacked off, hope it stopped soon after.

Well must go get ready for school run.