Coping with long term sleep deprivation. What do you do to cope?

[PavlovtheCat]

Obviously apart from trying to resolve the cause of sleep deprivation. I am working on that, well, honestly not right this second as I have absolutely no idea any more how to fix it. As, well frankly I am too goddamm tired to figure it out.

How do you cope? what strategies do you put in place to enable you to function without going mad. Is it possible to have any kind of existence once you have used all the spare energy on children, eating, working?

I am struggling in particular with:
*Purple bags under my eyes. They are very ugly and I try to wear my glasses to hide my face. It seems like they will never go.
*Tired, ever so slightly yellow eyes - optician said this is due to dry eyes, common with sleep deprivation
Hurting eyes, slight almost constant headache - feels like my eyes are permently being pulled out of my eyesockets and stretched as far as they can
*horrid dry pasty skin - sallow, old looking, spotty.
*hair thinning - a symptom i think, of lack of sleep
*Loss of patience. I am ever so snappy and my poor lovely wonderful happy children are bearing the brunt of it. I told my DD off the other day for not writing properly. She did a swirly wirly 'B' in the middle of her name and I was very cross about her not doing it 'right'.
*Arguments with DH. Struggling to agree on the most simple things, esp around the causes of sleep deprivation. Lots of competition about who is most sleep deprived and who is most deserving of a lie-in. over-shadows pretty much everything right now.
*Zero energy to do anything in the evening, and sometimes in the day. And not wanting to go to bed as all i do is think about sleeping and am fed up of having no life. I struggle to be able to muster the energy to do more than veg in front of cbeebies.
*Over-sensitive.

Tips on how you cope would be good. Please.

ok, so last night I put up the air mattress in front room, and tidied the room, soft lighting so it was lovely and cosy. Did tea for me and the kids, made dhaal for today's tea and then we watched Tangled all snuggled in bed. I tidied our bedroom and made the bed, made it comfy for DH, sorted out his clothes for this morning and put coffee on ready for this morning.

Kids went to bed at 7:30pm after a beaker of milk. I went to bed at 8:30pm after reading a book for a bit in calmness, and with some insence on. DD woke at 11pm after losing her bedtime bear, the cats woke me at some point and got kicked out. DH came in at 12:30pm and went straight to bed, I vaugely heard him but not anything problematic, i sleep lightly. DS woke coughing at 2:30am and I did not wait for him to settle again, I just scooped him up and brought him in with me, where he promptly turned himself diagonally and went to sleep.

He slept til 5am soundly, then figited but still slept til 6:10am. I dozed from 5am -6:08am, DD until 6:20am. SO while it was disturbed broken sleep, it was at least 9.5 hours of distubred broken sleep.

DH slept like a log until i woke him at 7:15am with breakfast and we both feel much more human today. He agreed reluctantly that we need to do this every night he works late, and for the next couple of days regardless of shift. He said that he would prefer to be sleeping next to me and I said that we have been together and slept togethe for the most part for 12 years and have our entire lives ahead of us to do the same again. I reminded him I am not suggesting we get seperate beds or this be permanent, it is for a very short time in our lives and he agreed with that.

I also drank more water yesterday, went for a walk outside for the last two days (with DS too) even though I was hanging tired and have tried to eat better (which is why I cooked a dhaal yesterday for tonight as DH will be knackered again.

I am going out with the kids today to the park, and feel that I am able to do so, yesterday while I went outside, I had to force/drag myself and felt like crying at the prospect. Today, I will be able to do it and enjoy it!

Amaxing how a tiny bit of sleep can change things...

...shame about my million spots that have just come up!

Pavlov it is short term and the benefits will be huge. Dh and I miss sleeping beside each other but we missed enjoying each other's company more. There is also a strange thrill in an unexpected visit to the other's chamber which can spice things up surprisingly

carrots oh I agree as it is now, DH and I, when are are sleeping together are in fact annoyed with each other, due to him waking me up, me waking him up, and both of us not happy with each other. At least this way, when we are in the same bed we might have the energy to enjoy it more

Oh gosh, poor you! I hope things get better. A few thoughts:

I think sleep deprivation feels worse when you feel like you should be sleeping but you can't. In a way it might help to just accept that for a little while, you'll be waking up at stupid o'clock (which some people have to do for work after all) and rearrange your lives around that. That means, yes, going to bed really early, I'm glad it's helping you so far! And sleeping apart when DH works late.

Vitamins are great -- take Vitamins B and C in the morning, and magnesium before bed (it helps you sleep).

The kids might sleep a bit later if they go to bed a bit later, but I understand not trying to change any routines right now.

I strongly recommend the Paul McKenna book, I can help you sleep. DH and I recently both used it as our sleep was wrecked after more than a year of sleep deprivation -- like you, even when i had the chance to sleep, I would wake up! Within a few weeks of reading it we are both sleeping soooo much better. You don't have to follow all the advice for it to help (although he says you should), just take what you need from it.

Good luck! It will get better, keep telling yourself that.

I don't have kids, have considered, came here to see if it seemed worth it, and after reading this thread, uh, no thanks.
I have, however, lived with young children and they were put to bed at 6pm. And told to stay in their rooms until they were allowed to get up and come down stairs.
It worked.
This was the way until the kids were at least 6 years old.
They slept well.
If they woke up, they were taught to amuse themselves quietly.
Having no TV in this household, might be a reason why the kids were able to amuse themselves. Bright kids, they were.
So many of you in this thread appear to pander to the child.
For sure, I don't have kids, and quite frankly, after reading this site, I don't think I will have them, but I have lived with them, for years, and have observed that setting down rules works, not pandering. Kids who still can't sleep after babyhood? What is their problem? Is it too much TV? I don't understand why these kids aren't flat out, like my aunt and uncle's kids were.

p.s Eating a banana before bed, drinking tomato juice before bed, also helps. White Noise is great, too, not that I suffer from sleep deprivation, but I have experimented with natural sleep inducers.

Then again, things that help you sleep are minor compared to teaching your children to stop being so needy 24/7. Uh, sounds like a complete nightmare, pardon the pun. I think more people should come to sites like this to see what parenthood really involves. It's put me off, that's for sure.

the child-free always make the best parents, don't they

I lived with young kids for 8 years.
I observed parenting.
I am surprised that there are children beyond babyhood, who are not sleeping.
I don't mean to criticise, I just think that this lady, in particular, isn't leading a very good quality of life, and she deserves to, just because she's a mother, doesn't mean she should live like an overworked Japanese salaryman, and I think, having observed my aunt and uncle for 8 years with their small children, from 0-8, that reading them the riot act - stay, sleep, if you wake, play, don't leave your room unless you need the loo - works.
And they grew up to be great kids.
I loved that 6pm bedtime for the kids, as much as my aunt did, and then we'd sit down to a large glass of wine, and my aunt and uncle then had the evening to themselves.

Barreal you have clearly had a good experience but not everyone's situation is the same as your aunt's. For a start, if parents have to work, not many children would be home by 6pm.

In our case my ds has mental health problems and is currently under the care of a clinical psychologist at the local children's hospital. Before this he has been under the care of our local GP's and then our Community Paediatrician, before he was referred to Clinical Pyschology. I am sure they have a great deal of experience and knowledge regarding the issue of sleep.

What works for a couple of children won't necessarily work for every child out there. We are not all clones of each other.

I know you mean to be supportive and are trying to offer helpful advice but I think the picture is much broader.

Barreal the thing is, other people might do the exact thing your friends have done, and find it doesn't work, because actually all kids are different. You may have known a lot of kids but you don't know the OP's kids and so it's really not fair to be judgmental like that.

I do think sometimes parents can make things worse, I remember when DS was very little I had a bedtime routine for him that was lots of faffing around and DH had a routine for him that was basically put in bed, turn out lights. DH's worked much better so we kept to that! And to this day, it takes about 5 minutes to get him to sleep. BUT that is my DS and it works for him. I would never assume it works for everyone.

Some kids sleep, some don't. Two of my friends had babies that slept through from 6 weeks and 3 months, respectively. It's just luck really.

Don't let it put you off having kids. Even with no sleep for so long, I still love DS to pieces and he's the best thing I ever did. I never understood how people could feel that way before I had him, but it's really true.

barreal you have no clue!

pavlov, so sorry for you. i am in the same boat and it's awful. {{{{hugs}}}}

Another one here who knows what you are going through just now. I have a 4yo and 1yo and the youngest is waking every morning between 4.30-6am, but normally 5.30 and he's as bright as a button each time :( I just walk past my bedroom and think 'won't be in that for at least 12 hours now'. What a horrid way to think :(

I too am also snappy and having silly fall-outs with DH about ridiculous things we would not normally argue about. And although we have tried not to make it a competition, we do actually argue who deserves to have a lie-in. At the moment, we take it in turns (when DH is not working) to get up at 5.30, so at least one of us is 'normal' functioning throughout the day. But it's hard going this. It's like a form of torture. I have been very tearful recently. Please tell me it gets better soon!!

Both DC are in bed every night and asleep by 7pm, so it's a consistent routine that they both are used to. It's the other side of this that all goes to pot in the morning when they wake. The youngest wakes at 5.30 and when he cries loudly it wakes the eldest one up so then we're all up. Get a feeling of dread when it's like this.

And I do go to bed most nights at 8pm, not always easy to sleep so I try and read for a bit, and hope to drop off that way so that I've prepared myself with enough sleep but it doesn't always work like that.

I, too, did not understand people whose children did not sleep through beyond babyhood (DC1 slept through from 5mo) but now I am experiencing what it is like to not have a baby who sleeps right through which proves that actually all children are different and they don't all sleep the same...

ok ladie's, I am now taking berocca (sp) and spatone daily, have been for only two days through. what kind of timescale before it helps with general malaise from all the tiredness? of course not expecting it to sort my tiredness out completely! Have been drinking more water, less coffee (although not much less!) have specifically stopped drinking it past 3-4pm.

Kids had a couple of relatively good days, but it has all gone to pot again. DD is refusing to go to sleep at a reasonable hour despite our normal bedtime routine which has always been pretty good, she is also waking up at the same time as usual, or earlier if DS wakes her so her behaviour is wild and it is a vicious circle.

DS is now waking in the evening at around 10pm but I think that is his cold/cough waking him. And co-sleeping is hard as he is such a figit, and sleeps crossways in the bed, and like kicking his legs out every 20 mins or so, kicks them up, our out, quite hard and no matter what position I am in, he wallops me most times!!!

Oh well, I was talking to his childminder who said he always gets compliments on his good nature and good behaviour at playgroups etc, and I remind myself that some of my friends have children this age who pull hair/bite, or who don't eat a thing or scream at all mealtimes to the point of despair, so I actually feel lucky this is all we are contending with. Despite the sleep issues my children are well behaved, happy, kind and gentle children and I have to remind myself when it is tough like now that this phase will pass, and those other traits, the good ones, will still be there.

I remind myself to tell them how much I love them, even when I feel cross or tired, so that they know this is not all encompassing (even though it is right now!).

The berocca/ iron combi should start to help soon- give it couple of weeks? Take it first thing as the iron is absorbed better on an empty stomach...

I remember the co-sleeping sideways bit!

I hope you have a peaceful night tonight. It WILL pass, it really will, just keep slogging away. DS was a terrible sleeper and I'm still here, and its a distant memory now.

One thing that did help (may not be possible for you!) was moving him from cotbed to big bed. He slept there all night from the start. Perhaps because it was a fresh start- large comfy bed, new big duvet, with raised sides so covers didnt fall off?

My DH and I mostly sleep apart, that way we both get undisturbed sleep
I also go to bed early (not tonight!)
Front-loading your sleep to the start of the night is the way to go. In bed at 8.30, asleep by 9, means even if you're up at 2/3am you've still had a solid 5/6hrs

hey ladies. I think I need a bit more than vits to help me through all this. I am going to do another thread.

DS woke at 12:15 last night. And screamed the entire time until 3am, woke at 4:45am.

I was meant to work today. I simply cannot function like this any more. Luckily my boss is supportive and I can make the hours up/take holiday. She said to take today as leave and see if I have toil next week, decide how I will take it then.

co-sleeping is not working either. Today is going to be mostly living on coffee.

Oh god, how awful, pavlov so sorry to hear that- DS is 2, right? I dont know what it an be, but I hope you find a solution.

Can you get some rest today while off work?

glitter yes, if DH just took DS out. Which he won't do 'i am going into town later you can get some sleep then'.

DS won't leave me alone. He is just at me the whole time. He really needs to sleep but there is no way on earth I am putting him down for another screaming fit in an attempt to get him to nap. My nerves are shot right now. DH won't take him for a drive, because of above. I am crabby and feeling quite sorry for myself and DH appears annoyed because for some odd reason I am not feeling all singing and dancing, and my mood is low.

I have the shakes and am feeling very tearful right now.

DH has just gone to the shops to get bread. DS is in DDs bedroom and I can hear him destroying it. I should probably go and stop him.

Now I am wishing I just went into work late.

My DS was also like that at 2, very clingy. He did grow out of it but while he was like that i lugged him about everywhere and had no life. Wine helped there.

Pav, does DP see you are really quite desperate-can he not just push him in the buggy until he drops off then zoom back home so you can rest?

Work is easier, yes. you only have to look after yourself then.

Pavlov what childcare do you have on the days you work? is there any chance you could have a few weeks where DS does an extra session so you can get a break? I have done this a couple of times with our CM, and it was worth the extra money so I could sleep for a few hours.

also, if your DS is really screamy, has nurofen or calpol amde a difference? when my DS was particularly fractious and sleepless, it always meant an ear infection.

and finally, I know people bang on and fucking on about routines, but does your DS have a set naptime? we found that once DS was in a routine at the childminders, if we stuck with the same routine, he would sleep a wee bit more. Now, if he doesn't have lunch at 11.30am on the dot, and nap by 12.30pm on the dot, he won't eat, and won't sleep. It is annoying, as we had great plans pre-baby not to do strict routines, but DS has got himself into one now which he needs! oh, and bed by 7pm, or we have 2-3 hours of farting about before he finally keels over with exhaustion.

good luck, I know how shit it is just NEEDING a break and having a toddler mauling you the wholse time :( (although for those days, a bowl of crappy snacks for him with a DVD of timmy time on always gives me a 30 minute break. and by crappy, i mean chocolate buttons, cheese, breadsticks, cheerios - little nibbly things mixed up in a bowl and plonked in his lap on the sofa. always gives me a break whilst he works his way through that lot :o)