help needed with 3yo sleep am getting desperate

[sleepneededasap]

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Hi namechanged fairly regular/ lurker

I am desperate for some help with my DD's sleep she is 3yo and I find it really hard to settle her to sleep on a night and also to resettle if she wakes up.

I had 1 1/2 hrs quality sleep last night and now I am all out of ideas

Have been to GP today but they don't know if there is anyone who can help me at all.

Does anyone have similar experiences or have anysuggestions I could try please ?

Everyday feels like groundhog day at the moment and I am beginning to dread bedtime

What happens at bedtime? Does she get out of her room? Is it that she wants you to stay with her? When she wakes at night is she awake enough to tell you why?

Hi thanks for replying

At bedtime she will either lay down ok or she will be up and down numerous times, she can get out of her room (tried a gate but she just kicks out at it) I then return her to bed but can take all night to get her to stay in bed.

I think she does want me to stay with her but that means I get no sleep, she is quite a restless sleeper when she eventually goes to sleep.

We have tried asking her why without leading her to an answer ususally she can't tell you just says because i don't want to.

What happens if you lay with her and wait for her to fall asleep, then sneak out of the room? We do this with DS. (Although am currently thinking about ways of stopping it.) It works quite well though really. If I wakes in the night I have to go through and lay with him til he falls asleep again. But its normally only once and I only have to stay 30 mins or so. Its not ideal, but I do get 4 hours quality sleep before and after his (for example) 2am wake up. I think as far as he's concerned we are there all night if he needs us.

Sorry - if 'he' wakes in the night, not if 'I' wake (obviously)

Hi bozemum

Yeah have tried this in the past my problem is I find it hard not to fall asleep myself as I am so tired might give it another go although it was taking upto 2 hrs for her to fall asleep again when she woke

I don't have the answers, but I do understand the problem!

Do you have a very clear bedtime routine?
After this, can you just keep putting her back to bed without talking to her?

This can go on for ages, but if nothing is happening to make it interesting (Conversation/company) then it might improve.

Is she dry at night/in pull-ups?

I have fallen asleep myself before whilst waiting for him to fall asleep. DH has to come and waken me! It really isn't the best scenario, but I find I can manage with it. And I also have had to stay with him for up to an hour in the night before until he goes back to sleep.

I just figure its better than actually having to stay with him all night. And I can't bare the thought of controlled crying.

I think you're other options would be putting her back into bed again and again until she got the message (supernanny style). Or gradual withdrawal. But I'm afraid I know nothing about either of those having never tried them.

Hi OP, DS1 used to be like this. Would never sleep unless I lay down next him. Would wake in the night and climb into our bed. If I then got up later to go and see to one of the DTs he would follow me to wherever I was and we would both spend the night playing musical beds.

I finally cracked it when he was 3. I made a big deal about him being a big boy and got him some new bedding (Thomas because that was his obsession at the time) along with a sleep trainer clock and a night light that turns into a torch when you pick it up because he was scared of the dark. I made him a big reward chart to put stickers on. I put a gate on his doorway as a reminder for him and went to sleep myself on a camping mat on the landing outside the door for the next several nights, so that each time he got up I was there to remind him to go back. For each night he went to sleep without me he got a sticker and for each night he didn't get up he also got a sticker (in the beginning I decided lasting till 6am was a win to try and make it easier). We had a sticker ritual every morning and after he had gathered so many stickers, he got to choose to do something special with mummy.

I know it sounds a bit mad setting up camp outside his room but I was totally sick of the situation by then and I wanted to make sure it worked. I planned for when my Mum was visiting so that she could help out in the day if I wanted a nap. After the first week I was back in my own bed though the sticker charts kept going for ages. (Going to sleep by himself was sorted fairly quickly, the staying in bed took longer). - Oh yes he then started complaining about strange noises in the night waking him up so we got him a little music player to play soft music through the night.

I'd mostly used ideas from The Baby Whisperer (the name of the author escapes me at the moment) and added a few tweaks to suit DS1.

Good luck. You have my sympathy :)

Baby Whisperer is Tracey Hogg. How are things OP?

Hi sorry don't have much time to come on over the weekend, things ar just the same really won;t go to bed, won't tell me why not.

Falls asleep downstairs then i put her to bed but wakes up between 12am and 1pm then I go in and fall asleep and there I am until morning :(

LAst night she was awake when I went to bed so got her into bed and sat on the floor till she went to sleep this was about 10pm but she was up again at 1am by which time I felt shocking so I fell asleep on her floor till the alarm went off at 6:15am.

Not heard back from GP so might see if the Sure Start centre have any ideas.

Thanks for all the advice offered so far

Hi OP, you sound done in. Any joy at the Sure Start centre?

Would your DD settle any better in your bed? Not that I'm suggesting it as a long term solution but just as a temporary measure so that you get some much needed sleep. I know you said she wriggles around a lot but would it disturb you less in a bigger bed? Could DP sleep in her bed for a while?

Is DD at nursery now? Do you get a break while she's there?

I don't know if you're at work or not but if you are, could I suggest you ask your GP to sign you off for a short spell because it is fairly reasonable to say that the whole thing is stressing you out.

All the best.

Hi sittingonthefence Thanks for the reply

I went to the sure start place and apparently somone will ring me later in the week to arrange a visit.

Last night I blew up her readybed and she slept on there went to bed at 7pm was already asleep (no sleep during the day and we had a meeting last night) first woke at 11:45pm went back to sleep ok I crept out at 12:15am then woke mw up again at 4:30am so went back in but fell asleep until alarm went off, but heading in the right direction I think.

We also now have a sticker chart so fingers crossed.

DD does go to nursery every afternoon so I have been cat napping then but so hard when there is other stuff to do.

Luckily or not depending on how you look at it I am not currently working so not too bad although am self employed so could be working soon.

Thanks again

Sort of feeling slightly more normal today :)

good. glad you are feeling better. :)

Just dropped her off at nursery and she ran in and proudly announced "I slept in my peppa pig bed last night" bless her

That's positive.