13 week DS - Advice/thoughts please!

[Incapinka]

Morning

DS is now 13 weeks old & is our 1st. So far we have pottered along just seeing what will happen and now think we need to start having a bit more of a plan but would really like to know your thoughts.

So far he wakes at about 7am and wriggles on to his back (he sleeps on his side) and kicks for an hour before his first feed at 8am. He then feeds roughly every 3 hours during the day. After his 8am feed he has a nap and for the first time this morning i have allowed him to cry in his cot. After 5 mins of crying (this was after 10 mins of intermittent grumbling) i went and picked him up and gave him a cuddle and when he stopped put him back down and before the next 5 mins were up he was asleep. Woo hoo. Does this sound like a good plan for his day naps - as in after he has yawned a couple of times put him in his cot and see what happens?

Also towards the end of the day (& this is where i would appreciate your advice) he feeds at about 5.30 and then we have a bath together. After being dressed he usually cries for a couple of minutes and then conks out - either on us/his basket/a sheepskin etc. We havent been putting him in his cot at this time as it is in our room and due to a stupid shaped window we cant make it dark until the sun goes in. Anyhow then at 9pm DH dreamfeeds him a bottle of EBM whilst i pump ready for the following night. He then goes back to sleep (going to put him in his cot tonight for the first time and he has been with us downstairs up until now) and then i wake him at 11pm for his final feed. He then usually wakes at about 4am for a power feed and then the cycle starts again.

Does this sound ok? Should i not wake him at 11? And is it ok to do controlled crying at this age? We did try and miss the dream feed at fed him at 10pm instead so DH and i could have an earlier night and this was horrendous. He then work at 11, then 2.30, then 3.30 then 5.30, then 6.30 so dont really want to do that again!

Sorry this is so long too!

Hi it sounds like you are doing really well. Your routine is far more organised than mine at 21wo!

Arguments against dreamfeeding are that it becomes "habit" and like you found it means you can't have an early night. You could try not waking him again and see if he still wakes at 4 or if its earlier. That one night could have been a complete fluke. Remember what works one week might not work the next!

CC isn't recommended for babies under 6 mo (some say 12mo) but many health professionals and books would advise you to leave it 5 minutes to encourage self settling. There is a difference between that and CC. IMO its what you are happy with?

I now leave my DD to grumble for a minute or so, go comfort her then leave the room etc until she falls asleep. I can't listen to her cry though but that's just me. If she cries I try to comfort her from within the cot but it that won't settle her I pick her up and then when I put her down I hold her hand to sleep.

If he takes a dream feed ok then continue. The problem with my DS is that dream feeding never worked with him, it just made him more unsettled as he preferred to sleep rather than feed and just woke when he felt he needed food. It could be a bit inconvenient for my own sleep, but he was a much happier baby when i just did what he wanted when he wanted.

As for controlled crying - no, he's far too young. I'm not a supporter of it anyway tbh, though i'm sure it has its place. But i wouldn't even consider it until a baby is much older. Even now, i don't leave my DS to cry (he's 9 months) but that's because he's the sort of baby who only really cries for a reason and i know him well enough now to know when he genuinely needs me and when he's just having a bit of a whinge.

Thanks for your comments... For the last week (this is day 8) we have moved the little chap into his cot which is still in our room and have introduced a night time routine - as in feed at about 6.30, then bath (which he loves and exhausts him) and then bed. We put him in his grobag, give him a cuddle and put him down and has a short piece of music played to him. We leave the room while the music is playing and sometimes he goes straight to sleep and other times he has a grumble and a bit of a cry. If this goes on for more than a couple of minutes (literally 2 minutes) either me or DH goes in, picks him up and gives him a cuddle and then put him back down again once quiet. So far we have only had to go in once to do this as he then conks out. Is this controlled crying or is this ok? All i know is at the moment it is working for him...

We have also dropped the dream feed AND no longer wake him at 11. I let him wake me and this seems to be going well. Usually he wakes at about 12.30 and again at 4.30 and then has first daylight feed at 8... I almost feel human at times!

Sounds like you're doing pretty well to me.
We dropped 10/11pm dream feed type thing at 8 weeks with 1st baby. We were in bed asleep anyway, so seemed silly for either of us to have to get up! (we were on holiday when we stopped) With or without it he slept till around 2am anyway, and so between 7pm and 7am ish, I was feeding him twice ish in the night.
Doing same with new baby, and is working in a similar way. I never got to grips with dream feeding. My babies have both done their first long stretch of sleep from 7pm till 2/3 am. I just went with it.
I am currently struggling with day time naps with my 2nd. I did similar to you with DS, let him cry for a minute or two (Before giving up and feeding him to sleep!!0 Not got time with this one, and she's terrible at settling herself. I am now relying on Baby Bjorn carrier in the morning!
We did full on CC with DS at 6 months. It was hell (Screaming for an hour or more) with us going in every 5, 10 and then 15 mins. After three nights of total horribleness he was re settling him self in the middle of the night and has slept well most of the time. He always smiled in the morning. Which made me feel a lot less terrible.