Is CC my only option now?

[ennistonemother]

DD is 6 months old. I think CC might break my heart, but the lack of sleep is starting to take a real toll. Grateful for any suggestions. Apologies for the long post.

Things have improved in that she now quite often sleeps for 2 or 3 hours twice a night. Previously she was waking every 90 minutes between 12 and 7, and every 45 minutes 7-12. We were co-sleeping, but this wasn't helping me sleep. The improvement occurred about a month after she went in her own cot and room.

Almost always, we end up feeding or cuddling her to sleep, because she gets hysterical as soon as she goes in her cot. I've shush-patted for an hour, with the hysteria not lessening. PUPD is hopeless - eventually she gets so tired that she falls asleep in your arms literally as soon as you pick her up, so it is not helping her self-settle at all. We have a regular getting up time and bedtime (give or take 30 minutes) and a bedtime routine of bath, closing the curtains ceremoniously, cuddling and singing gently, and feeding. When I've tried waking her gently, and/or putting her in the cot awake, hysteria ensues.

It's not just a bit of shouting. I've tried leaving her for 5-10 minutes a few times to see if she just drops off, as advised by books and friends whose babies sleep - and because I wondered if the shush-patting had actually been disturbing her - but this failed totally. Going in every 2 minutes to shush had no effect on the screaming - the only things that have worked have been feeding or cuddling to sleep.

Not sure what is left apart from CC. I wouldn't mind feeding/cuddling her to sleep except that it seems to mean that she can't self-settle in the evening/night. I know that the crying in CC would go on for hours and hours though, and I'm not sure I could take it. Any advice or suggestions would be very welcome. Thank you.

So sorry to hear this, must be SO hard! make sure you get help as much as you can, even a small break during the day!

How are her daytime naps? My DD won't settle well at night if she hasn't had a few good sleeps in the day.

And does she feed lots during the day? If you are sure she has fed well during the day can you try cuddling/another way of settling her instead of feeding her for one or two of the night wakenings?

Hard, I know! It seems every book promises to help, but in reality each baby is different. I was just talking to a friend who worked with Tizzie Hall's book, which uses CC I think. Worked for her two DC. Hope someone else on here has a more constructive answer.

Is there a reason she has to go to bed at 7.00 a.m.?? Our daughter is a bit like her Dad and doesn't need a lot of sleep. She goes to bed around 8.30 p.m. (with me). We still cosleep though as it makes life easier. Could you have the cot in your room so she doesn't feel so isolated?

I also agree with the PP. DD definitely sleeps better at night if she's had her daytime naps.

Have you tried Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution?
It was a god send to me with dd2. It is kinder then CC but can take a bit longer.
I would personally keep her up a bit longer, 7pm does not have to be the bedtime. I kept dd2 up till 9ish most nights and dd3 stays up till about 10.30 and she is a year next sunday.
Make sure she has good naps in the day. DD3 is so crabby if she doesn't get 2 naps a day in.

If feeding/cuddling is working then the NCSS will help as you gradually stop feeding/cuddling just as they drop off to sleep. They often wake back up but you keep stopping the feed/cuddle just before they drop off and they are so drowsy in the end they sleep. The next night you try a few seconds earlier and keep going until you reach the magical point where they go in the cot awake and go to sleep themselves. As I said it can take a longer time then CC but you will be less stressed and upset.

Also if you were co-sleeping she might have been waking cos you were too close. DD3 woke loads until DP started sleeping seperately so we had more room. Now it is just once early morning.

Thanks both.
Her daytime naps are pretty erratic, as you might have guessed - but most often she naps for 30-45 minutes twice a day.
I'm now feeding her only once or twice a night (plus an evening feed at around 11ish) and DH is cuddling her to sleep at the other wakings. I'm pretty sure she doesn't really need to eat during the night - nights when she finishes eating at 4am, she often doesn't want any more milk until 10/1030 that morning, so I know she can go a while without.
I put her to bed at 7 (pm!) to try to get 12 hours in overnight, and because lots of the advice seems to be to put them to bed earlier rather than later if in doubt, to avoid overtiredness. Often she's yawning at 6 (lack of sufficient napping I guess...) - she was asleep well before 7 last night, but then as bright as a button at 0630, which wasn't ideal.
I'm not sure how to get her to sleep for naps other than feeding/carrying either, so that aspect of napping isn't helpful, and then she seems bolt awake after one sleep cycle.
We'll try putting the cot in our room again before we try CC - it must be worth a try!

Debs, thanks - I've not tried the NCSS, no ... I read a summary online, and tried unlatching her awake a few times, but it didn't seem to be getting anywhere ... I know I didn't give it a fair go though, as this was in the waking every 90 mins phase, and I just wanted her to sleep asap.
How long did it take to work for you (in terms of hours/night and number of nights/weeks)?

It took me a couple of months of trying everynight with dd2 as she is quite clingy and i took everything in micro steps. I was usually up with her for about 45 mins for her bedime feed then if she woke in the night she tended to get in with me so I could get some sleep. I will admit though to giving up when I was pregnant with dd3 and just feeding her to sleep as it was easier and I was soo much tireder

With dd3 I had been trying for a month but as she is such a light sleeper it has been difficult. I am aiming for just an easier bedtime now.

Just realised I am not the best advert for NCSS but it did make things easier for me

Thanks - I'll do some searching of threads with NCSS and see what else I come up with!

I forgot to mention, I am also a fan of NCSS. DD (2 months) getting great at settling herself for daytime naps, and during the night is more or less asleep for her 2-3 feeds, going straight back to sleep. She goes to bed no problem at 7 each night, more or less from using NCSS. Still tough at times, but slowly slowly getting there!

OP, what did you try??

Do you use a sleep bag or sheets and blankets? We have found DD will stay settled when put down now we use sleep bags as she is nice and warm in our arms and we think she retains this with the bag instead of going onto cold sheet with cold blankets she can kick off (which used to wake her).

I have done CC with both of mine. I was at rock bottom and used a book to help guide me through it (and give me confidence to do it).
They learned very quickly that I wasn't going to pick them up. When you walk out the room the first time they get very angry as you're not doing what you usually do.
After months of waking both of them slept through after 2 nights. The longest amount for crying was 45 minutes. When you are timing it you realise that it seems they're crying for much longer.
A really good book is the 'Millpond sleep clinic' book.
My DD was 15m and DS was 10m when I did CC. Not sure I could've done it any earlier personally although I think 6 months is the minimum age.
CC is controversial but it works...they know they haven't been abandoned but they know you aren't going to rock/feed them to sleep.