At what age do they start to self settle?

[eversoslightlytired]

DD is 5 months and is ebf. She falls asleep whilst feeding (unless she is in pram or car) mostly or needs to be held and have her back patted (whilst screaming)! I am thinking that soon I will be stopping the bf due to a huge tooth which hurts like hell at times. DS was a nightmare sleeper and we had to do a form of controlled crying at 2 years old which was horrendous for him and us, and I really don't want to have to go through that again (although to be fair DD is soooo much easier).

So back to the title(!) when do you think she should be ready to self settle.

Have you tried using a dummy or is it not something you believe in? DS (6m) 'self-settles' but always with a dummy. Rarely he yells at me to get to sleep, but there's normally a good reason if and when he does (tooth coming through, still hungry, wet nappy etc).

I have never given her a dummy because DS was so reliant on his that I was scared she would be too. As soon as it came out of his mouth he would wake again and we were forever in and out of his room putting the dummy back in. DD only has about three 30/40 minute naps a day and she always wakes up a happy little sole. At night we are getting good sleeps out of her, usually only waking once at 11 for a feed and then about 3/4 am for another and she has started to actually sleep through. It is just the getting her to sleep part which is the problem.

Try stopping her sucking just before she's asleep and cuddle her in the feeding position till she's asleep. Its not exactly self soothing but its a step towards it. Then just try to start breaking her off the boob earlier. So she takes a full feed but then doesn't use you as a dummy.
With the lights low and a full tummy and lots of mummy cuddles she'll learn to settle off the boob.

I was lucky in that my Ds had a dummy and my DD started sucking her fingers at 4mths.

To answer your OP: DS2 6 weeks, DS4 14 months, the other 2 somewhere inbetween.

I found the No Cry Sleep Solution usefull (by Elizabeth Pantley): didn't work quickly, but made a difference with minimal fuss and also helped me as it explained how baby sleep 'works', or not as it were .

Or do as bumbums suggests and stop her sucking just before she's asleep, pop a dummy in then pop her in her cot. Retrieve dummy once she's fallen asleep so she's using it to suck to sleep but not stay asleep. Maybe, as she's a good sleeper, that might do the trick. (I'll swap you a good sleeper for a good-getting-to-sleep-er!) :)

fwiw both my DDs also had dummies, but only for sleeping, and we were the same as you with your DS with our DD1, but DD2 just didn't seem bothered if it fell out, which is why we're trying it again with DS (although come and be gentle with me if I'm on a thread in a few months' time pulling my hair out because of the Dummy Game!

I stopped feeding to sleep at about 5 months, and we started rocking to sleep, then moved on to shush-patting to sleep. Then ds started self-settling (occasionally) from 7 months but sometimes needed to be patted still. I'd say he was properly self-settling about 90% of the time from 9 months.

DS is 8 weeks old and has self-settled since he was about 3 weeks old when it comes to night-time sleep. He is FF and we just put him in his cot after the 8pm, midnight and 4am feeds and turn the light off. He's rarely asleep when we put him down and he just kicks around and coos and soon drops off himself. Sometimes he cries when he is first put to bed after the 8pm feed - we just go back to him, stroke his head and make 'shhhh' noises to calm him down. We usually have to do that 3 times then he gets the message and goes to sleep.

So we're doing something right when it comes to night time but the weird thing is that he's a nightmare when it comes to daytime naps! No way he will self settle during the day - instead just gets really grouchy when tired and won't sleep without being rocked and even then usually wakes up and goes off on one when we try and put him down. I don't know why he does so well at night but is so difficult during the day! Any ideas?

Thanks everyone. Well last night she wouldnt stay asleep so ended up leaving her in her cot whilst I finished my tea. She actually went to sleep! Tonight was no such luck but at least now I know she can actually do it!