Tips on how to settle 4 month old in cot

[yawningbear]

I have a nearly 4 month old DS and a 2.6 year old DD. DD is not a great sleeper and I am very keen that DS does not follow in her footsteps. We got off to a good start but all that has gone out of the window and I feel that history may be about to repeat itself unless I can turn things around soon. I have resorted to feeding DS to sleep, not every time and I do try and make sure he is drowsy when I put him down but mostly this doesn't work. If I cuddle him after feeding he will fall asleep in my arms and I can put him down but if I try to put him in his cot awake or drowsy he screams. I have tried ssh/pat etc in the cot but it just seems to make him more hysterical. On a couple of occasions I have had some success by rubbing his tummy very gently but mostly he just screams. Does anyone have any tips/advice/success stories re: settling in the cot?

We didn't get DS settling in his cot until he was around 6 months - before that it would be as you describe. I'd suggest keep trying every now and then and as he gets older it'll happen. As you know there's plenty of things over the next couple of years which will mess up self settling anyway! DS at 20 months has gone through phases of being ok to needing cuddles or a feed. Currently we're in the needing a hand on the back mode.

I've also found little correlation between DS self settling and him sleeping through - I've decided that I cam guide himtowards good habits but cant force it. Some babies sleep more easily than others!

Sorry no advice but my 3.5months ds is the same. I keep trying so am hoping one day it will work. He will nap in his pram when out and about and is better in his cot at night (still wakes a lot and often ends up in our bed).

I hope it gets better for you.

Thankyou both, I know I am just trying too hard, or giving the self settling thing too much importance maybe, and he is still tiny really but I just feel like I messed up with DD who still needs my help in getting to sleep. Also he is just waking more & more frequently rather than less. Grrrrrrr!

I second above advice. Keep trying but don't obsess about it. I haven't tried my 15 week old in his cot for naps for a few weeks as was getting really tense about it. I've just put him in there now for a nap and after a bit of a cry and me rocking him in his cot and singing to him he's gone to sleep. Don't know how long it will last but the fact that he's in there is a miracle in itself! I am going to aim for one nap a day in his cot this week and see how it goes.

Congratulations Emski I know how those small miracles feel, mine is currently napping in his cot too, long may it last!

yawningbear I have been obsessing about this lately too! DS has always been cuddled/rocked to sleep and I feel bad cos I am now changing the rules on him! My plan is to cuddle him til he is almost asleep then pop him in his cot. If he whinges I will leave him, and only pick up if he cries, settle, then put straight back down.
Not sure if this is any help as I am clueless too, but thats my plan!

Ah yawningbear I remember you from that first year! I think If you aren't happy with the screaming then don't beat yourself up about it.... It's not all your fault! And it's a good sign if your children are responsive!

So sympathise with the obsessing... I am due in 6 weeks and wondering already about teaching self settling (hence reading your thread) and my ds is 2.4 and a better sleeper than he was but I too don't want to go through that all again! Really don't.

However, I think the more crying you can handle the tougher attitude probably means better sleep for the parents BUT if you don't like crying (and I hate hate hate it) then really it's a question of interfering as little as possible with the falling asleep.... Don't give dummies or always always rock etc....

Good luck and hope he becomes brilliant at unwinding soon! Fingers crossed for you

Also maybe some music will help? I did introduce this at six months with ds and it did teach him when bedtime was....

Thanks Suzym, that sounds like a good plan to me! I am trying to do the same at least at bedtimes, though last night it just resulted in lots of crying so DP ended up cuddling him to sleep again. And hello Dycey, I recognised your name, congratulations-how exciting! To be fair, even though I am obviously stressing about the sleep thing again hence the posts, it is easier this time round, at least you know what to expect and the sleep deprivation is not such a shock and hopefully you will be blessed with a lovely sleepy little bub! I too hate the crying but I do feel able to be tougher this time round and knowing what I know now from DD I would rather more crying now if it meant less in the long run. Having said that when I have let him have a cry but stayed with him and tried to comfort him in the cot he just gets so upset that I can't think that he would go to sleep and I give up.

Could it be a growth/development spurt do you think?
My DD won't self settle yet, far from it although she sleeps relatively well at night, it's just the day time she doesn't do! So I just stick her in the sling and occasionally put her down in cot/pushchair to see how she does. I'm hoping in time she will learn to self settle! I do hope you find something that works, I have no advice as of yet :(

If anyone DOES find something that works, or is looking for advice, pop on to my thread and contribute! :)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/1230730-SUPPORT-THREAD-Specifically-for-New-Mums-with-clingy-babies