7.5 month old only feeds to sleep- what would YOU do?

[Trillian42]

DD is 7.5 months old. Have previously posted about her sleep problems and still have no solution.

Quick summary because she's a little grumbly here - only feeds to sleep, sleeps in our bed because she 19 out of 20 times wakes on transfer to the cot and needs to be settled again by feeding about 99 times out of a hundred. Is only settle-able (is that not a word? Should be!) by me - cries when my husband tries and the crying escalates until I appear. She wakes at a minimum every 2 hours at night & almost always needs to be fed back to sleep. Sometimes I can cuddle her back to sleep with a soother by lying next to her as if she's feeding.

It's as if she doesn't know how to fall asleep any other way, and I suspect she's relying on the oxytocin to make her drop off. Sometimes she'll close her eyes as if she's trying when she's curled into me and after a little fidgeting will open them, pull out soother and latch on again. If it doesn't work, she'll whine a bit and try again.

We tried parts of the No Cry Sleep Solution but though getting her asleep became easier, it still wasn't in the cot & the "Pull Off" worked fine until I had to move her. She proceeded to get unsleepy very quickly. Our routine was destroyed over Christmas - spending time with the grandparents without a cot, and then there was an issue with leaks in our house and we had to stay for a fortnight in a house without a cot again.

I'm back to work in a week & honestly can't imagine 9 hours in front of a computer without passing out on the keyboard.

My biggest issue is the bed - I'd live with the frequent wake ups if we could settle her in the cot. I'm also on a knife edge when she naps in case she wakes and I don't hear her and she decides to dive off the bed!

So would you...

1. Wait it out - this too shall pass
2. Try 'No Cry' again
3. Try Controlled Crying (gulp!)
4. Try Pick Up, Put Down (Tried this a bit before but gave up after 20 mins as she didn't calm when I did pick her up towards the end of the 20mins)
5. Hire a sleep trainer who comes out for a couple of nights (expensive, but know one with great recommendations. Can't really afford it though, and by really, I mean at all.)
6. Use Mill Pond or another online/telephone consultation.
7. None of the above.

We've dedicated this weekend to trying to resolve the sleep issue (last weekend was the trying to get her to take a bottle issue which we did resolve :))

PS How do you know if a baby releases tension by crying? I know that's why some people suggest controlled crying doesn't work for some babies, but I've honestly no idea. If she starts crying it gets worse and worse unless I calm her. Does that mean she doesn't release tension.

Whew, epic post despite trying to keep it short. Any suggestions most welcome.

are you me ?

just marking my place as came on here to post an almost identical question as we are having the same issues with DD (8 months exactly). between 10 and 12.30 last night i fed her 4 times

so no help i am afraid but LOTS of sympathy!

:o My husband was reading another thread over my shoulder the other day about someone not coping, having no support etc etc and he asked was it me! I laughed and he said, "no seriously, is it?" with a worried look!

I think a lot of us share the same issues alright! DD also fed 4 times in a 2 and a half hour period, but between 7.30 & 10

(Luckily I do have good support, so no need for husband to be paranoid )

Maybe we're all the same person - my 9.5 month old DD is exactly the same - but with even less tolerance for the soother!

Anyone else?

Started PUPD tonight... my heart is breaking as I hear my husband fail to settle her at all. What do you do if they don't settle at all??? :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

Please, please someone offer some encouragement/advice.

I would try CC. We did with 6.5 month DD and it has worked for night-time and her day-time naps.

I know it's controversial (to some) but this is our experience. And we're not meany old awful parents either!!

I would just carry on feeding her to sleep.

I know how hard it is, I had one who was the same and I found it incredibly difficult. The thing was I didn't think it was worth making my life (or hers) and harder by trying something that wasn't going to work.

At around 11 months we started putting her to sleep with DH in the bed instead of me, with a beaker of milk instead of me. Dh suffered some awful nights but I reasoned that she wasn't alone, she had a drink if she needed one and it was DH's turn to suffer a few sleepless nights.

This worked a lot better, although I didn't night wean totally. Once she got used to being in the cot I would only need to feed once or twice in the night. I stopped bf at around 18 months.

Cranial Osteopathy really helped too, in fact that was probably the biggest factor in success at around 11 months.

classic - two totally contradictory posts in two minutes.

Sorry you are having a crap time, forgot to say that before. Sleep deprivation is hell.

Thanks for responses - feel a little less alone.

It's been 58mins since she woke - she went to 45 crying constantly & inconsolable. Husband calmed her with singing. He's still singing to her in the cot, but she's not asleep. Does singing to sleep count?

I had actually got her to fall asleep in the cot at the beginning of the night!! She woke 35mins later. The worst thing is we've this again every 35mins at worst or 2 hours at best tonight. Think we'll try to keep doing it for tonight at least and see if we notice any improvement. Although it's only 8pm and I'm already exhausted so will play it by ear.

At this stage all we want is for her to spend one night in the cot. I'll still feed her every 3 hours & cuddle and try to calm her if she wakes.

I recommended this on another thread earlier this week - wrap an item of your worn clothing around the cot mattress. It got ds2 sleeping in his cot rather than in our bed.

DS1 is a fab sleeper because I always gently nudged him awake after a feed so he was put down awake. We also did cc when he was about 9 months to drop the night feed as we felt he was waking out of habit rather than need. It was an unpleasent week for us, but it worked.

DS2 was/is a nightmare as he never learnt to self settle. We were always concious of him waking his brother so picked him up everytime he made a noise and more often than not I fed him to sleep & then put him down. We couldnt do cc because of waking his brother.

At 18 months he usually sleeps through the night but HAS to have a bottle of milk to go to sleep (day or night). I wish I had been stronger in putting him down awake like his brother.

As we speak I am sat beside DS's cot whilst he cries his little eyes out... He's been crying for 1 hour and 20 minutes and so have I. I've tried PU-PD but he searches for the breast and gets angry when it's not offered. I'm not going to leave his side, I don't want him to think I have left him. It's horrendous. I feel like a terrible Mother. But I feel I have to do this because he starts Nursery in 1 month and I need him to sleep/nap without breastfeeding. He's really tired... And his cries are beginning to turn to whimpers.
I want to stop and feed him, but if I do I'll feel like I put him through all of this for nothing. I hate it! I know I can stop him crying in minutes.
And what's even worse is I know that when he foes fall asleep that well have to go through this again but in the middle of the night.
I feel like a terrible Mother, but I have to do this, I know I have to.
I understand how you feel.

Millpond are excellent.

We also used millpond ds has slept through for about 2 months now and I never thought it was possible! Also settles himself at night and with a dummy during the day.

What are your goals for your baby? To sleep alone? To sleep wihtout feeding? To sleep thru the night?

I think the solutions will depend on the aims.

I have a 7 month old DD who is very similar. She is with us all evening, either feeding or asleep in DH's arms, won't go in her (bedside) cot without me in bed, wakes every couple of hours in the night to feed and needs cuddling for at least some of the night. I'm back at work full time next week. I'll be watching the thread.

This is my DS's first wake up of the night, here we go again! :(

You could be me too! My DS is 9 months and he sleeps in bed with me snacking all night! I can get him into his cot for the first two hours by swaddling him and feeding to sleep. He's no longer safe to leave in our bed as he has just learnt to crawl. But if I try to transfer him back to his cot (beside my bed) at any other point in the night he is wide awake for at least an hour.
So you have my sympathy and I too will be watching this thread for more tips and suggestions!

I have a 9 month old who is useless at night too. He has slept through a handful of times, but no idea why or when the next time will be.

Over the last month we have successfully night weaned....although i had stopped breatsfeeding and he was on a bottle so easier to do i think. We started watering down his bottles, as he started only taking a few oz in the night so i knew it was comfort rather than hunger. We bought him a teddy to 'attach' too, so now when we put him down and give his this particular teddy he knows it's sleep time. Teddy always stays in the cot. Problem i have now is he still wakes at 2 and 5 (almost to the minute!) but will go back if i stroke his head, say night night and give him teddy. Some nights this doesn;t work so well and i'm in a few times over an hour. I try to give him 15mins of 'grumbling'before i go in. Today at 5 he settled himself at 5am after 10mins of chatting and rolling around with teddy.

Anyone tried 'wake to sleep' - i agree PUPD makes mine go mad and look for a feed. The first few nights of not picking him up and leaving in the cot and comforting from there were hard. But only took 2 nights for a huge improvement. And his day time naps are now a million times better.

www.babysleepanswers.co.uk

brilliant.

We find this very helpful

We had the night from hell last night. I went into work yesterday for a catch up meeting - made me really tired so god knows how I'll cope next week. Anyhow, for a change I slept really quite deeply so waking up was even worse! And DD finally went to bed at 12.30am then woke at 1am, 3am, 4.45am and I don't know the times after that. Nothing would settle her again except feeding, and she's making me pretty sore at the moment especially lying down. I don't feel safe sitting up with her when I'm so tired, which is why I started doing it lying down. AARGH. What are we going to do??

have you looked at the website? lifesaver for me when i went back to work after dd2.

i did cc but you can do anything that suits you from cry to v little cry.

An update - the second wake up went fine last night - I managed to settle her ok in about 5 minutes. However at 11pm when she woke again I picked her straight up (she didn't really cry much before I got to her, just little ones) and put her on the bed to feed her... and she vomited everywhere.

We had a slight guilty panic that we had caused this even though it was 3 hours since her drawn out crying episode and had just changed the sheets & her babygro/sleeping bag when it happened again. This was the start of a long night & morning of vomiting. We got the doctor out early this morning and he said it is gastroenteritis. Poor baby. We feel horrible that she was probably feeling unwell and we subjected her to that ordeal.

Guacamole - your post brought tears to my eyes. How did you get on?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hijack your thread. I saw it and thought thank God I am not alone and it all came pouring out.

A summary for you, we are doing what millpond call the gradual retreat. I fed him and made sure he was still awake and put humming his cot, I sat right beside it and he (and I cried) for 1 hour and 50 minutes. He then fell asleep. He woke 40 minutes later and my DH didn't pick him up but walked in the room said 'Daddy is here, go to sleep' and sat beside him while he screamed for 30 minutes. He then did not wake up until 4:30, I came into his room and said the same 'Mummy is here, go to sleep' I decided to feed him after 10 minutes of screaming, but I did NOT let him fall asleep on the boob. I put him back in the cot and he sat up and started playing with his teddy bear. After 10 minutes of no crying but still sat up playing, I thought fine I'll go back to bed, so I did, the next thing I know it's 6:50am and he's awake! It was awful, but one of the best nights we've had. My DH got up with him while I had a lie in, but I cuddled his teddy bear on my Mum's advice.

Tonight, fed him, put him in awake and he's now asleep... 10 minutes?! I don't believe it. I don't know how long it will last I'll keep you posted!

Sorry I typed that quickly... I cuddled his teddy bear so it would smell of me. And there was no humming... It's meant to say 'him in'... Stupid iPhone!

my ds2 is exactly the same.

i am not doing anything about it tbh, but he is very slowly mproving. very, very slowly.

ds1 was a magic sleeper and i was as smug as hell. i'm not laughing now

tbh, giving in to it has made it managable for me, but i have a lot of support and am not at work.

it is fucking hard.