7.5 month old only feeds to sleep- what would YOU do?

[Trillian42]

DD is 7.5 months old. Have previously posted about her sleep problems and still have no solution.

Quick summary because she's a little grumbly here - only feeds to sleep, sleeps in our bed because she 19 out of 20 times wakes on transfer to the cot and needs to be settled again by feeding about 99 times out of a hundred. Is only settle-able (is that not a word? Should be!) by me - cries when my husband tries and the crying escalates until I appear. She wakes at a minimum every 2 hours at night & almost always needs to be fed back to sleep. Sometimes I can cuddle her back to sleep with a soother by lying next to her as if she's feeding.

It's as if she doesn't know how to fall asleep any other way, and I suspect she's relying on the oxytocin to make her drop off. Sometimes she'll close her eyes as if she's trying when she's curled into me and after a little fidgeting will open them, pull out soother and latch on again. If it doesn't work, she'll whine a bit and try again.

We tried parts of the No Cry Sleep Solution but though getting her asleep became easier, it still wasn't in the cot & the "Pull Off" worked fine until I had to move her. She proceeded to get unsleepy very quickly. Our routine was destroyed over Christmas - spending time with the grandparents without a cot, and then there was an issue with leaks in our house and we had to stay for a fortnight in a house without a cot again.

I'm back to work in a week & honestly can't imagine 9 hours in front of a computer without passing out on the keyboard.

My biggest issue is the bed - I'd live with the frequent wake ups if we could settle her in the cot. I'm also on a knife edge when she naps in case she wakes and I don't hear her and she decides to dive off the bed!

So would you...

1. Wait it out - this too shall pass
2. Try 'No Cry' again
3. Try Controlled Crying (gulp!)
4. Try Pick Up, Put Down (Tried this a bit before but gave up after 20 mins as she didn't calm when I did pick her up towards the end of the 20mins)
5. Hire a sleep trainer who comes out for a couple of nights (expensive, but know one with great recommendations. Can't really afford it though, and by really, I mean at all.)
6. Use Mill Pond or another online/telephone consultation.
7. None of the above.

We've dedicated this weekend to trying to resolve the sleep issue (last weekend was the trying to get her to take a bottle issue which we did resolve :))

PS How do you know if a baby releases tension by crying? I know that's why some people suggest controlled crying doesn't work for some babies, but I've honestly no idea. If she starts crying it gets worse and worse unless I calm her. Does that mean she doesn't release tension.

Whew, epic post despite trying to keep it short. Any suggestions most welcome.

And I'm sorry about the gastroenteritis... You weren't to know it's not your fault. :(

Trillian how did last night go?

DD is 9 months now and we're still having terrible nights - I feel guilty for being inconsistent with her as sometimes I can't face letting her cry and sometimes I can't face going in and feeding her again

Last night was awful - she was up between 10-12 crying. Even though I kept going in and feeding her, she wouldn't settle down in her cot. Eventually I put her back down and she cried for about 3 mins then went to sleep (thus proving she can settle herself in her cot!). She then woke at 2am and I brought her into my bed (which I don't mind doing as long as she sleeps!). I think we had a couple of hours then but then she was very unsettled from 4am and wanted to be up for the day at 6.30am.

Poor little thing has actual bags under her eyes this morning

I think I need to give some kind of cc a proper go even though I really don't want to.

Phew - sorry for going on! It helps to write it down!

Thanks again all for the supportive posts.

Guacamole - how did you get on? Read your posts to my husband who was delighted with the progress you made so quickly.

PassionKiss We have abandoned any attempts to put her in the cot until she's better. Thankfully she had no vomiting during the night & only a little this morning so we're hoping that the worst is over and she's on the mend. I really feel for you - my DD is at least easy to settle in our bed and doesn't usually wake for long - just enough to feed.

Hi Trillian, We did CC and thought it was fab! my DS is now 21months, and with the exception of 1 week last month, he sleeps perfectly on his own, in his cot, talking himself to sleep each night.
I swear by CC. We started it very early though with a dummy for the comfort, this was from 6weeks. And then at 8 months we got rid of the dummy, and that only took a couple of nights of screaming.
Have you tried/don't like, a dummy?
The way we did CC was starting with 5mins and then going in, then 10, then 20. And each time we went i we tried not to talk to him so that he wasn't getting the attention that he wanted.

It is so so hard, I know! And I felt like the worst mum in the entire world at the time, and again last month when we had to do it because he was going through an 'I NEED ATTENTION' phase.

I don't know your opinions or experiences on CC, but works fo our DS.

Good luck!!

Don't feel bad if you do try a crying method with your LO at some point in the future. I personally think that for some types of baby it is the only thing that really works. I had a DD who had total suck-to-sleep dependence and even at 7 months couldn't go more than one sleep cycle, no self-settling skills at all. I was falling apart at the seams with tiredness, it was just totally unmanageable any longer.

I read Pantley's book, thought it excellent, and we did see some improvements by getting her dad into settle her, doing the 'pull off' thing, etc., but ultimately the only way we got her to sleep for longer stretches, consistently, was by letting her cry while we stuck by her side, reassuring her. It was horrible, really awful, but it worked, and quickly. She's been a great sleeper ever since (touch wood). I now have another DS (14 weeks) who absolutely won't nap without being held/ dummy but bizarrely has sometimes slept through the night (and doesn't have a dummy at night). She also stopped being so crabby because she was getting more - and less fragmented - sleep overall.

When he is a bit bigger, I will definitely consider using the same method on DS as it made us all so much happier all round.

narmada, thanks for sharing that - this is exactly what DD is like, no self settling skills at all, up every hour. I am going to let her cry tonight

Trillian I hope your LO is better today. DD had her first ever sickness bug at Christmas - I was so upset!

I do have to warn you that it took my LO about 2 hours of fairly cross crying the first time we did it, about 30 minutes the next, but by the 3rd time it took about 5 minutes and then ever after that, no crying at all. I didn't leave her to cry on her own - that wouldn't have worked with her anyway.

I know some people think it's really cruel and I have to be honest, I felt utterly awful doing it, but things had just reached such a point that I could go on no longer. As she's grown up, she's a lovely wee thing, but isn't half set in her ways: she likes things exactly the way she likes them, a complete creature of habit and routine - more so than other toddlers her age I think. In retrospect, I think that had something to do with her being so very habituated to sucking to sleep. I know, I know, it's natural for babies to suck to sleep but it's not always practical, is it??!

Anyway, good luck PassionKiss, and remember, if it works for you you have taught your child a really valuable skill - learning to put herself to sleep and stay asleep (hopefully) to get the rest she needs. Also, she'll have a less frazzled set of parents, which can only be a good thing for her.

Last night was amazing... I don't know if I told you he fell asleep in 10-15 mins with very little crying. He tried to reach out to me through the cot once or twice but that was it. 40 mins later we heard him start to whimper on the monitor, I ignored him while I quickly finished my dinner... It lasted 2 minutes, by the time I got upstairs he was asleep. He next woke up at 4am... That's a whole 9 hours of sleep. At 4am I fed him, making sure I kept him awake (I played with his feet), put him back in. He whimpered at me for a further 10 minutes and then fell asleep. He woke up proper at 7:15am. We've been amazed.

Tonight he went down in 15 mins and woke up only 30 mins later... After 10 minutes of whimpering he's asleep again now, although I have to admit sounds restless!

I'm amazed how well (touch wood) it's going. But Friday night was horrendous and I didn't want to have put him through that without persevering. He still sounds a little hoarse. Tomorrow we begin to tackle the daytime nap!

Just one word of warning... I've really noticed that DS is not breastfeeding during the night in the sense that my boobs have been incredibly sore in the morning!

First wake up is 4am again... It must be his new habit because I feed him at 4am. I don't mind though. It's lovely to have some uninterrupted sleep, in the past he'd be in our bed on the boob and I'd get zero sleep!

Hello ladies can I join in please? My 11 month old currently sleeps on the breast (I have a 2.5 old who wakes up in the baby cries as we currently all sleep in the same bed so have taken the path of least resistance). However, she is still not eating solids and a very good friend pointed out this is probably becauseshe feeds all night - why I couldn't wor it myself I don't know - so I am calling time. Tonight I am going to feed her at bedtime, midnight and 4am and then drop gradually from there. DD2 is the stubbornist baby on the planet (I thought DD1 was bad enough) and I don't think she's going to welcome the reigme change! Nice to read on here that some mums are having some success.

Hello Hannispan - my DD (9 months) is not interested in solids either! I'm sure she is filling up on milk during nightfeeds.

Guacamole - sounds like it's going well. I'm at 9 hours sleep!!

I'm sure DD is going through a growth spurt/ developmental spurt as she has developed a new reluctance to go to bed at all! On the plus side, for the last two nights she has refused to go to sleep on the breast so I have been putting her down awake - there has been a lot of protest but she has proved that she can settle herself in the end. She has a bedtime cuddly mouse and I have started putting a worn vest top of mine in too - she fell asleep clutching them!

Still only sleeping for 2 hour stretches though!

Unfortunately I'm not getting 9 hours sleep because I don't go to bed at 7pm, but still it's amazing. This week we are tackling the lunchtime snooze! Wish me luck!

Guacamole good to hear that babies can sleep :-) Hope tonight goes well too

I've managed to settle both DD1 and DD2 - DD2 cried for 15 mins but I managed to sing her to sleep. This is the first time since she was born that she gone to sleep not on the breast. However, she has been at the childminders today and apparantly ate nothing nor drank her milk so I have a feeling she is going to be hungry and therefore tonight could be intresting. Just keeping my fingers crossed that DD1 doesn't wake tonight (she sleeps through fifty percent of the time). Have twisted boyfriends arm into coming till midnight so at least I've got two pairs of hands tonight.

Guacamole - forgot to ask - how old is your LO?

Well tonight it's going very badly! :(

Almost 10 months.

hello, i am in the SAME situ and so sleep deprived i hardly have time to read this, was it controlled crying which helped, that first night? Good luck and thank you, this is killing me. x

Rosie are you asking about me? Am I the only one who has had a bit of success (tonight not included). If so, no it wasn't cold crying, I've not left his side at all, I'm sat beside his cot (admittedly he is crying) but I think you leave with cold crying, I'm attempting gradual retreat.
Tonight is not got well, first wake up at 8:50pm and we had hour of crying (I missed Silent Witness), he's jut woken again, but I've fed him (stupid, stupid, I hope I've not confused him) I have NOT fed to sleep though and he is currently protesting in his cot. He keeps standing up in it!
Hows the baby's tummy now Trillian? Is she getting any better?

Just had the night from hell :-( Stood my ground and only fed at 12 and 3 am but she cried from 7 - 8 p.m. 8.30 - 9.30 pm 10 - 11.30 pm 1 -2 am 2.30 - 3 am and we're now up because she got loud enough at 4'45 to wake the toddler. On top of this she is refusing to eat her breakfast so the whole night was pointless. Now i've got to somehow get through today with two tired and grumpy children :-(

Hello all,

I had a partial success last night in that she spent the whole night in her cot (for the first time ever!)

I decided I couldn't keep bringing her in with me as she still woke to feed every hour - and I don't sleep well with her in my bed.

She settled herself to sleep (she seems to be naturally growing out of feeding to sleep?)

She slept from 7.30-10pm
I fed her at 10 but then left her to cry for about 15mins, went back in, fed again, but THEN left and didn't go back - she went off after about 30mins.

2am - fed her, again had to leave her to cry.
4am- same
5am - same, worst one - she cried for a while that time.
7.30am - I woke up and went to check, she was sound asleep in her own cot which is a first.

DH and I are feeling guilty but we will have to stick with not bringing her in with us or it will confuse her.

Hannispan - I am going to try to cut down on the amount of times I offer the breast tonight (which won't go down well) I am going to try and ensure she eats plenty today as well.

TBH I would just feed hourly on demand, if she went back down in her cot afterwards - but she doesn't, she cries until in my bed.

I've been regailing another thread with my moans, but this is a more appropriate one really so I will copy:

We finally went to bed last night at 12.30am with DD still awake. She was crying in her cot - which adjoins my side of the bed - for a full hour and a half before I finally gave in, took her in my arms and she finally dropped off.

I now have a problem that she frequently won't even feed to sleep. She went from being wide awake in her cot and happy to getting whingy to crying. After about an hour she went quiet and seemed to go to sleep, but 5 mins later she was crying again and so it continued, and escalated. It's the same story every time. And she woke DS. Ideas?

I should add she's 7 months. I really don't know if she's a "tension releaser" or a "get more tense by crying" type. I think she may be a tension releaser who is completely unable to do the final bit of dropping off.

gaelicsheep - hello

I have the same problem that DD won't or can't to feed to sleep anymore (she is just 9 months though so a bit older)

Is your issue that you want her to sleep in her cot rather than in with you? If so all I can suggest is that you have to keep picking up and putting down till she settles - it is really hard I know! In fact I gave up on PUPD methods after one night as it seemed more distressing for DD than just being left to cry.

I think my DD is a tension releaser because I can see she wants to go to sleep - it just takes some crying to get there at the moment

Poor DD went from 36 hours vomiting to 24 hours diarrhoea and we were hoping last night would be better, but to top it all off, she's picked up my sore throat and cold now so last night was also really bad. DH took her downstairs at 5am for an hour when she couldn't sleep with her runny nose etc. So I got an hour's uninterrupted sleep which was bliss.

She's got a bit of a temperature as well (as do I) so between the pair of us, we're a little miserable. I'm honestly at the stage now where I'm barely coping - physically & mentally, and really can't imagine adding work to the mix next week. I'm a stone and a half lighter than I was pre-pregnancy and could now be a flat jockey... I really need this all to get better soon :(