Please tell me controlled crying works!!

[JandT]

My 6 month old DS in the last week has really struggled to get off to sleep, rubbing his eyes whilst headbutting me, grizzling, etc so, we decided to try controlled crying hoping it'd mean he'd learn how to sleep.

Yesterday we started and after 1 hour 15 mins he fell asleep. We did the Jo Frost go in and sooth after 5 mins, then 10, then 20, and at 40 (just before going in) he crashed.

Today, he's been going for two hours now and he's not stopping. He's not 'upset' crying, he's annoyed/angry crying. He was a lot quieter at first and has worked his way up. I should now be waiting for an hour and twenty mins but went in after fourty as that seemed far too long.

Problem is, by now he probably needs a clean bottom and is likely to be getting hungry. If I go and either change or feed him though (solids meal is due in about an hour but he has had a quick breast feed before being put down) then he'll think it'll happen next time and not learn.

Do I just need to be uncaring Mum and wait? FWIW I really don't think he's upset, just peed off with nasty Mummy. Why didn't this happen yesterday when DH was at home?!

Can you use 'settle and leave' instead? This works a treat with my 6mo.

She has a dummy so when she grizzles, I go in give her the dummy, stroke her tummy until she calms then leave and we do this over if she cries again. She settles very well now we have been using this for a while. Something I remember from DD1 which we have repeated with DD2, is to not make eye contact or talk. For DD1 this was just code for 'mummy wants to play with you' and it really didn't help her settle!

to be honest 6 months is too young for cc imo. leave to grizzle for 5 or 10 mins at a time to see if they will settle (and teach them that mummy will always come back) fine but not the full blown leaving for 40mins or more.

The other thing, is that if we had a totally unsuccessful nap, once it got to time to get up we always got/get them up and just try again next time. Otherwise, DD1 would have ended up staying in her cot the whole day as she practically never slept!

We are currently experiencing something similar with DS (6.5 months)but we are going in after 5 mins of crying, doing gentle shushing and stroking for 30 seconds or so with no eye contact, then leaving for another 5 mins. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him for longer than 5 mins at the moment. So far we haven't had to go in more than 2 times (ie he has fallen asleep during the 3rd 5 minute spell). We have only been doing it for 2 days but there has been definite improvement with night time sleep already - last night he slept from midnight till 5.30am non stop which is really good for him!

Good luck op, I think it will be worth it in the end

It did for my DD (now 12 months). We never left her for 40 minutes though, she'd have just ended up furious!! We always did (and still do if we need to) 5 minutes, 7 minutes, 10 minutes and 15 minutes. If that didn't work, which at first it never did, we just repeated 15 minute gaps until she gave in - 3 hours was the record and it nearly killed me and DP, but it was worth it in the end.

And I started at much younger than people recomend because I literally couldn't put her down or stop moving or she'd wake up and scream the place down - she fights sleep so so badly that I had to carry her in a sling and not sit down during the nap.

She sleeps really well now, except at nursery, where she's decided she'll only have 30 minutes all day and that means getting her to sleep in the evening is a nightmare :-(

OOh Sorry I don't want to sound negative in any way but the reason your child is crying is because he needs his mum!! Have you tried staying with him till he falls asleep? He won't need you to do this for ever. He is only 6 months!! Babies are not emotionally capable of comforting themselves. Keep him close to you and I'm sure you will both feel settled. Tried humming to him? Your voice and body is prob the only thing that will soothe him at this early age. I have never left my child to cry, it goes against all my instincts as a mum.

I am certainly not suggesting in any way that I know better than you, but don't read books, trust your instincts. Cuddle and soothe your baby. Good luck with whatever you do.

It worked for us but I couldn't have left her for 40mins. We did 3min intervals. It worked very quickly, although she was a bit older (10 months).

Even the most confirmed cc advocate says tey need to be 1 before you start, And nobody surely thinks it's OK to leave a baby of any age for an hour and 20 minutes?

We are only trying CC now (see my other thread with 'horrible' in title) and DD is nearly 2, we are going up every five minutes. She's not been a bad sleeper, I've always had the routine thing, just she is having bad seperation anxiety at mo.

I say though, like wonky, trust your instincts. I think at 6 months babies need lots of cuddles. x

did he cry for an 1.15 mins, i think thats too long for a 6 month old,it may cause him to be clingy and insecure. start at 20mins.