Advice on sleep for a new parent!

[RaisingMrC]

This is my first post on mumsnet and I think it may be a bit of a rambling one! I have an 8 week old DS who has - so far - not been a great sleeper. To help we have been co sleeping (safely!) from pretty much the beginning. Wasn't what we'd planned but it seemed the best way to cope with frequent feeds in the night. However, now, he is still waking every 2 hours (at least) for a feed and I wonder if co-sleeping is contributing to this, as he is right next to the breast throughout the night! I'm not sure how to stop co-sleeping as he still feeds for ages during one feed and then he is very hard to get to settle in his moses basket. We do swaddle him but it doesn't seem to make much difference. Added to this, I find it really hard to get him to nap in the day so if it was a tough night then there is no chance of respite in the day! Does anyone have any stories about how they stopped co-sleeping and when? Do you think co-sleeping is encouraging him to feed more at night than if he slept seperately, or is that just him.

We have never co-slept so can't advise on that, I'm afraid. But I know that when our little one was very tiny, if she was having a growth spurt she'd feed loads more in the night. The answer I found was to feed her all the time in the day, eg every 2 hours. This helped her fill up in the day and she wouldn't wake as much at night. It was really effective although it did mean I had to forget about getting anything done for a couple of days.

Also, your ds is so tiny, still a newborn really. You WILL get more sleep soon. I've come to the (possibly uninformed!) conclusion that before 12 weeks, anything goes. Do what you can to get some sleep, and tackle sleep "issues" later. I'm pretty sure most sleep experts agree that before 12 weeks they don't form bad habits, so you can feel free to rock, feed, cuddle them to sleep, co sleep etc without making the dreaded rod for your own back. I may be wrong though.

I'm sure others will be along with advice on co sleeping.

Good luck.

My only advice is sleep when baby is asleep. I did this for first two years! Kept me sane. Leave the cleaning and tidying and sleep.

We found one of those slings that is basically a long strip of cloth you tie the baby in had a magical effect on our daughter's day naps, once in it you can pretty much guarantee she'll conk out within five minutes. Then you can at least lie down with the baby on your chest, still in sling, for a bit? I don't trust myself to actually fall asleep like that, but it's still peace and quiet for a couple of hours. Or go out to Starbucks with her fast asleep in sling, read paper, eat cake, repeat "sleep is for the weak"...

DD (9 wks) has also found it quite hard to settle alone in her bed. I do a little bedtime routine which had no effect at all for the first eight weeks and I asked myself why I was bothering, but now bedtime is gradually easier. I don't know if it has anything to do with the routine or if it's just the baby getting a bit older but she seems to realise it is bedtime. I put her in her pyjamas and sleeping bag, then turn out the lights except for a nightlight, feed her, sing her a song and then rock her until she is sleepy, then put her down awake but sit down next to the cot and give her my little finger to suck. Having something to suck helps them drift off. I also always wait to see if she needs it because sometimes she'll go to sleep without it.

I agree waking every 2 hours is not worth trying to fight until your DS is older. If he was feeding every 20 minutes you might say it had something to do with the co-sleeping but every 2 hours sounds totally normal for this age to me wherever they sleep. For the path of least resistance I moved DD and me into another room, DH sleeps through separately and then if the night is bad we swop rooms at 5AM so I can sleep until 8 or 9. Or if he has to go to work too early for that, can you try expressing and sharing the night shift so one of you does eg until 2AM and one goes to bed at 9 and then takes over?

I agree that before 12 weeks is just a bit of a free for all and its whatever it takes to keep you all sane! I co-slept from birth to about 8 weeks as my DD just refused to go in a basket and I was desperate for some sleep...she managed anything between 1-3 hours at a time in bed with me. I got her used to the basket by putting her in it for day naps and just persisting with trying every day at least once, but not worrying if she refused and letting her sleep on me. Slowly she just started to manage more and more naps in the basket and then I tried her first sleep of the night in it.

Now at 15 weeks she does most of the night in it apart from wakes after 6 am and we both sleep better for it! So...dont worry at this stage -you can slowly work towards change at your sons pace...

x

ps I dont think every 2 hours is unusual at that age - and agree with above poster - my DH did an expressed bottle between 10 and 12 every night in the early weeks and it was a life saver...

Thanks for your messages...its good to hear that this is normal (in as much as there can be normality with a new baby!!) as part of my new mum anxieties was that we were doing something wrong that would have long term repurcussions (something about rods and backs??!). We have been doing an evening routine but with seemingly no effect so its good to know to just keep on with it. And to keep trying him in the cot but not force the issue. Thanks for the suggestions - should give expressing a try, a little more sleep sounds nice :)