Pregnancy questions for magazine article

[carriemumsnet]

We've been asked to give a couple of line answers to the following questions.

Obviously you could just say, yes, yes, no, but it'd be great if anyone could think of any wittier ripostes!

It's for an article in Pregnancy magazine and they'll be crediting mumsnet - so please be as creative as you like!

here are the questions:
I am pregnant, exhausted and have a long journey to work on public transport. Is it OK to ask someone to give up their seat for me?

I?ve been invited to a wedding and will have to take my new baby along. My friends say they don?t mind if he makes a noise during the ceremony, but I?m not so sure. Should I take him out if he starts to make a fuss?

How do I respond if a stranger asks if they can touch my belly?

Thanks in advance

To question no.3: Say "Absolutely! As long as I can touch yours....."
If they say yes then waddle away as fast as you can!

Q.I am pregnant, exhausted and have a long journey to work on public transport. Is it OK to ask someone to give up their seat for me?

A. My extensive wind while pregnant rendered the question unnecessary.

Q.How do I respond if a stranger asks if they can touch my belly?

A. 'What because it's big? Do many people ask to touch your backside?'

B. Wait until he possetts on the bride...

I did actually have strangers ask me if they could touch my bump, and my standard reply was "Yes, if I can put my fingers up your nose". It generally put them off. It was those people who didn't ask and who just grabbed my stomach that were the really annoying ones and I have to admit that I did tell one woman on a train "Thank you for the kind thought, but actually, that's an ovarian cyst".

I wouldn't normally have spoken to anyone like that but she had been really persistent; she sat next to me despite the fact that the train was half empty and just kept reaching over and stroking my stomach while making soppy clucking noises.

1 Yes, and I've done it. They just got up straightaway, blushing slightly. The way I see it, they are giving up their seat for two!
2 Yes, definitely. You won't enjoy the ceremony if he is really kicking off, so go out and enjoy the glow that comes with doing the right thing. A bleat or two is fine though. Makes people go 'aahh' and can really enhance a wedding. I loved hearing the babies yelp at my wedding.
3 If you like it, say yes, if you don't say rogueishly, "Aha! Only if I can rub yours too!"

bump for Carrie!

1. yes and if they refuse start panting and making groaning noises.

2. cute gurgling OK, loud waaahhing probably best to make a quick exit, otherwise friend my rapidly change her view 3. No, you can't, weirdo.

A chap at work put both hands on my belly and I immediately cupped both my hands around his bollocks.

He didn't try again.

1. Yes perfectly okay!!! I used to just stand on the tube thrusting my bump in some 25yr old blokes face, then I'd scratch my bump until he felt so uncomfortable that he offered his seat! Works a treat.

2. Definitely, or just wap your boob out in the church and smile politely at everyone around you.

3. If a woman asked I would say "No problem, but can I feel your breasts first?".

If a man asked I would say "No problem, but can I feel your man-boobs first?"

Hehe that was another response I had:

"Can I touch your bump?"
"No but you can feel my breasts" - cup them gleefully in their face...

LOL MP I guess it helps to look slighty deranged as you say it!

I am pregnant, exhausted and have a long journey to work on public transport. Is it OK to ask someone to give up their seat for me?

Yes - perfectly ok, just as it would be ok for someone to ask if they had a horrible cold, are old or are a child. Unfortunatly they do have the right to be mean and say no... in which case, sit on them!

I would take the baby, but sit by an exit so I could make a speedy getaway if needs be... you need to feel comfortable, and even if you friend's aren't bothered - if you're gonna be squirming in your seat getting distressed, there is no point in being there. Best to be prepared to leave if you feel uncomfortable.

Stranger asking if they can touch your bump? People actually ask??? For me they just groped me without warning (even NOW when I'm 10 weeks and have no bump!!!). I would generally ask if you can feel their stomach/bum/balls....

to the first, I think its sad that you would even have to contemplate asking someone to give up their seat,its no joke trying to stand up on a packed train or bus when heavily pregnant.
to the second, I would go to the wedding, but sit where i could make a quick exit if my baby started screaming.
to the last, no one ever asked me!! they just groped, I wouldnt have minded so much if they asked, i do hate the way your body seems to become public property when pregnant.

I am pregnant, exhausted and have a long journey to work on public transport. Is it OK to ask someone to give up their seat for me?

Yes. And if they won't, tell them you'll faint and on the way down pull the emergency alarm. Would they rather be delayed for an hour or stand for a few minutes?

I?ve been invited to a wedding and will have to take my new baby along. My friends say they don?t mind if he makes a noise during the ceremony, but I?m not so sure. Should I take him out if he starts to make a fuss?

Yes, because otherwise all the other guests will tut every time they see you for the rest of the day and you'll have to sit in the corner and eat the dry curly sandwiches nobody else wants when the buffet arrives.

How do I respond if a stranger asks if they can touch my belly?

Say no, the baby bites. Or say "Yes, but only if I can grab your arse"