First it?s worth saying that we think this is both a valid and a useful discussion. As many have said, the sheer number of responses shows that it?s one we probably as a community needed to have and the issues involved ? tricky as they are ? needed to be aired and a modus operandi decided upon. We?re sorry if some people feel that Mumsnet is less welcoming as a result of this discussion ? from our perspective that?s not the case. We?re here to make parents? lives easier but as a community we do need to take stock sometimes and look at the way we operate to ensure that we are able to do that as effectively as possible.
It?s true that we at MNHQ have on occasion felt uncomfortable about how much burden some members seem to shoulder for suicidal posters ? a few in fact have written to us in some turmoil about it. And whilst there have been a few charges of rubber necking on this thread, judging from the number of reported posts that follow a suicidal one and the comments included in them, what we see from our end is a lot of genuine concern. Sure it can look feverish at times but that doesn?t mean it?s fabricated.
When members report suicidal posts and ask if there?s anything we can do, our policy is generally to suggest that the poster in question seeks professional help. We often have very little information on people ? sometimes no more than an email address ? and we at MNHQ are no more equipped to give advice than the next person. In short, we do agree with all those who say that Mumsnet is no substitute for professional help and that members should not feel responsible for other members? mental health.
A few have suggested that we should formalise this response and provide some suggestions of where to find that professional help. We think this is a good plan and we will be publishing a Mental Health Help page with useful links asap and will include a link to it at the top of the mental health board so that anyone can post it up on any thread. It will also explain that Mumsnetters should be assumed to be wholly unqualified in mental health issues and that their advice is not a substitute for professional help. (Thanks to those who?ve already made suggestions for useful links. Do feel free to add any more here).
We don?t, however, think that it would be right to pull these threads. The argument that Mumsnet is not real life so not the place to air real life problems, even ones as serious as suicide, seems not quite right to us. As others have said Mumsnet is a community of real-life people where support and advice is routinely sought and offered and it?s not surprising that it spills over into the difficult bits of life too. And whilst in many ways we?d rather it didn?t in the instant of suicide ? we?d rather of course that folk didn?t ever feel suicidal and that if they did they would instead use ?real life? professionals for support and that the support they got was immediate and fantastic - given that it occasionally does, we are where we are and we have a lot of sympathy for the position that those who want offer support, ought to be able to be so.
What?s more we can?t actually imagine pulling the plug on these threads ? apart from the practicalities of it ? what if it?s late and no one?s watching at HQ, at which point do you pull it ? the sheer callousness of curtailing a conversation when there are folk who are willing and able to lend and ear to someone?s cry for help seems all wrong to us.
That said we can see all the complications that arise from allowing Mumsnet to be used for posts like this; copycat posters, ghoulish threads, trolls, legal issues, but to us these are complications - ones that have to be endured because there?s no sensible and practical alternative. On the legal side we?ve been advised that 3rd party liability insurance is the way to go, on trolls well you can see our troll policy here, you can hide ghoulish threads and on copycats/attention seekers we tend to think their need for a shoulder to lean on is as great as anyone?s.
We do have some sympathy with the position that suicidal threads affect other members? well-being and we are more than happy to move threads onto the mental health board so that these threads are easier to avoid/hide ? please do report them to us. We know this is not a perfect solution but in truth I?m not sure there is one tbh. We?ve learned over the years that it?s nigh on impossible to protect everyone?s feelings and if we deleted threads in an attempt to we?d get into a real mess.
Thanks for everyone?s contributions on this trickiest of issues. I hope we?ve covered most of the bases. We?ll also talk to some professional bodies in the next few weeks to see what they advise and get back to you with any updates.
Do, of course, continue to let us know your thoughts.
Best,
MNHQ