The Sex topic - an update on moderation

[YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet]

Hi everyone.

Thanks for all your comments over the past week regarding the Sex board. It’s become clear from the discussion that we needed a rethink about our approach to this part of the site and so we’re going to introduce some rules to help ensure that posters can get the support and advice they need from the board and that everyone has clear expectations of the behaviour we expect.

Posters must be at least 18 years of age - Mumsnet has always been a site for adults but we want to be crystal clear about this for this board.

The board is text based - we don’t allow NSFW (not safe for work) images.

We don’t allow links to any NSFW sites or personal profiles on other sites

We will not tolerate creepy or harassing behaviour in particular from male posters

We’ve also had concerns raised about the ongoing ‘sex chat threads’ including the risks involved with allowing users to PM each other. Our approach has always been to allow consenting adults to make their own judgement when it comes to what they’ll share and, broadly, that is still the case across the site - but we acknowledge there are additional vulnerabilities here that we ought to consider.

With that in mind, we will no longer allow users to ask for or to offer to send PMs for the purposes of sex chat. For one thing, we can’t guarantee that the person you’re chatting with is who they say they are and we can’t realistically safeguard these kind of off-board discussions. We’ve looked at the moderation principles of similar boards on other sites and this is indeed the policy on several others.

We’d also like to address some of your other comments if we may. Last year we reduced the time required from joining to posting on Sex from 90 days to seven. We’ve no plans to change this at the moment because this timeframe has proved to be a sufficient deterrent to bad actors and we believe that 90 days is too long if you’re a new user with a genuine concern. We’d also like to be clear that our commercial partnerships have had zero bearing on any changes we’ve made (nor did anyone ask us to make changes) and MNHQ does not (and would never) post affiliate links to products under the guise of a regular MNer. We may be many things, but we are not underhand!

As with everything, we’ll continue to monitor the situation and we hope these new rules will go some way to reassure you. If anyone has further questions, please post here and we’ll do our best to answer them.

Thanks.

You aren't personally, every but other people are certainly using the thread for that - since the MNHQ message there are posts along the lines of "I'm NOT looking to meet a bi-curious woman" etc.

They’re basically going to let the PMs continue as long as you don’t explicitly ask for them, but as it’s already established that’s what the thread is about, nothing changes. Of course you think it’s reasonable, you want your cheating hook ups corner to continue.

everywhichway is the OP of the Sex Chat hook up thread and is a man.

Yep. Telling us all how reasonable it all is. So there you go ‘ladies’. 🙄

The original sexchat thread on here was started by a woman.

So do we start reporting all the ‘M 57, not getting any at home type posts’ 🤮

I’ve got a lot of time on my hands over the next few days. 🤷🏻‍♀️

If it was a woman.

That thread was deleted by MNHQ and you took it upon yourself to start another one.

So, stepping back a little bit for a macro view of all of this. Given your tie ups with Ann Summers and Smile Makers @YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet and @JustineMumsnet, what's the longer term 'direction of travel' for Mumsnet?

Is the move towards more sexually explicit content and posting something you have included in your latest business plan, to grow revenue and user numbers? Are you targeting a different demographic now?

None of this - to me - sits comfortably with a site which was set up to be 'By parents, for parents'. There are plenty of places on the internet where people can look for no-strings sex talk or sex. Why does Mumsnet have to expand into that arena?

I feel that you have listened to some of the points being raised by other posters - your content providers - but you haven't really heard. Or perhaps you're listening to a different kind of user now?

Exactly.

'Is the move towards more sexually explicit content and posting something you have included in your latest business plan, to grow revenue and user numbers? Are you targeting a different demographic now?'

🙄

My 'macro view' is they couldn't have been more clearer. I certainly didn't get they are moving towards a more 'sexually explicit site'. They are allowing the sex board and chat to stay with conditions. All explained.

Unless you mean advertising sex toys is 'sexually explicit'. It isn't, they are very common and available all over the place and not remotely disgusting

Report anything you see (while you are not looking at the awful board) that breaks TGs. It will be deleted.

Dm requests are now not allowed. I'm not sure what people aren't getting here.

Is the move towards more sexually explicit content and posting something you have included in your latest business plan, to grow revenue and user numbers? Are you targeting a different demographic now?

This is what gets me. Mumsnet are pretending that it is a sex advice board when for anyone with eyes it clearly isn't. It's a sexy chat board which is different and if that's the route mumsnet wants to go down then that is their choice but own it, be open about it so posters can make their minds up whether or not that's a place they want to be.

So, what I’m hearing from mumsnet is,

The sex chat hook up thread remains.
Don’t ask for PMs, that’s no longer allowed, it’s against our rules, and as long as you don’t do that, we will turn a blind eye to it happening.

The pervs will love it as it’s just become even for ‘secretive’ and ‘taboo’. Fucking hell.

Oh @Janiie- you love to get the wrong end of the stick, don't you?

Oh Biwi. I think you have the wrong end of the stick with your macro view that mnhq are moving towards a sexually explicit site. Read the op! It's all there.

It was never a thread for people to chat on. It was always a hook up thread.

This is BS. Just delete the bloody hook up thread or nothing has changed.

Agreed.

And what if someone new does use the sex topic.

They see a thread called ‘sex chat’ and think it’s just chat. They join in, it’s just chatting after all.

But as the OP of the sex chat hook up thread,@everywhichway has pointed out, any females posting there will get PMs by just posting on there, they don’t need to invite PMs. Yes he actually said that.

That may not be welcome by a poster who just thought it was a sex chat thread.

By mumsnet trying to pretend it’s not a hook up thread, some posters may walk into a situation they’re not prepared for.

Oh but it’s ok, they’ll delete any PMs you receive if you ask!

Why aren’t they getting this and deleting it?

Totally agree with all of this.

A compromise might be for MNHQ to edit the opening post with a warning.

I mean rather than delete the entire thread.

Honestly, I know people keep prefacing their posts with I'm not a prude but...

I'm really not a prude!

I've always loved how MN could be sweary, at times crude- and I've done more than my fair share of oversharing on here over the years.
But even the fact that we're discussing the 'sexchat thread' that's on here is making my mind boggle!

People posting that they're 'not getting it' at home, and up for fun/meet ups etc. There could literally be posts on other areas of the site from people desperate for help because they've just found out that their partners are doing exactly that.

It just clearly shows how much the website has changed.

MN has confirmed that they won't delete any of the 700 messages from people looking for women to hook up with on the sex chat thread but will 'moderate going forward.'

So this morning's message is bollocks really as all those pervy men's ads are still there. And they can just quote them.

A warning that married men looking for sex may message them because they’re ‘not getting any at home’ maybe?

A compromise might be for MNHQ to edit the opening post with a warning.
I mean rather than delete the entire thread.

Almost the entire thread is a hook up thread of over 800 posts. It would be a bizarre decision not to delete it, given what MNHQ has now said.

MN you need to delete the thread.

Why are you hosting a hook up thread on a website for parents? Do you have any idea how vulnerable some of the users here are? You only have to look at the relationships board to see that.

Now you've got men here trying to hook up with vulnerable women with children. Some of them no doubt the husbands of women posting on MN about their abusive relationship.

You have no idea how old any of these posters are, either. Schoolkids, messing about, finding themselves getting lots of attention from males? You just don't know. Men using MN as a cover for their cheating. MRAs using MN as a way to abuse women.

How is this "in the spirit"?

How are you not understanding the problem?

I am deeply uncomfortable with a she chat thread on mumsnet being hosted and started by a man. It's a different vibe to what I would expect.

How that thread can still stand just doesn't make any sense. It's beyond me why MNHQ care more about sleazy cheating blokes feelings than the 100s of women who can see the hook up thread for what it is and want it gone.

It will still be a hook up thread even if people can't ask for PMs. I just can't get my head round why MNHQ won't delete it.