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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Seriously Mumsnet- this is your advice to new Mums!

68 replies

Springintoabetterlife · 22/02/2023 11:18

Just had a baby? Feel like you’ve lost yourself and you’re not good enough? Buy a sex toy. [my words]

Can you not start to understand the pressure you are putting on new Mum’s with this?

Seriously Mumsnet- this is your advice to new Mums!
OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 23/02/2023 08:13

It's not great is it.

Because the first thing a new mum thinks about in a day is about pleasuring themselves sexually. 🙄

Springintoabetterlife · 23/02/2023 08:16

StalkedByASpider · 23/02/2023 07:55

In fairness, and without wanting to pile on, there's quite a few of the ads on MN which are not appropriate or just misogynistic. I don't think that they're well chosen, in general. Maybe someone could have a look at the wider MN policy on advertising on this site - because it's not hitting the mark for lots of women....and this is another example.

This wasn’t just a random add. It was within the active thread and therefore endorsed by MN.

OP posts:
Oblomov23 · 23/02/2023 08:16

PersonsNet
Grin

SweetSakura · 23/02/2023 08:20

isthismylifenow · 23/02/2023 08:13

It's not great is it.

Because the first thing a new mum thinks about in a day is about pleasuring themselves sexually. 🙄

Well, I mean it's fine if they do. But they certainly shouldn't feel there is anything wrong with them if they don't! It's not a problem that needs fixing.

StalkedByASpider · 23/02/2023 08:30

Springintoabetterlife · 23/02/2023 08:16

This wasn’t just a random add. It was within the active thread and therefore endorsed by MN.

Yes, I realised that.

I was just commenting on their policies for curating ads in general. There are several that are "endorsed by MN" which are problematic, in addition to the more general ads often being unsuitable too. I think there's a much wider problem with the adverts they choose, allow and promote, and that's what I was alluding too.

But I agree this one is particularly crass.

And I do agree with a PP about the fact that the "discussions" behind the scenes are undoubtedly because there's potential lost revenue.

onirgellep · 23/02/2023 08:31

Is this even safe from a postnatal health perspective?

PIV sex or inserting sex toys into the vagina whilst the cervix is wide open risks introducing bacteria into the uterus which can cause pelvic infection

The cervix isn't fully closed again until 5-6 weeks after birth

@HebeMumsnet Seems to me very foolish and potentially dangerous to encourage this

Anonymouslyposting · 23/02/2023 08:36

@HebeMumsnet @HopeMumsnet

As a mum to a four week old I clicked on that link yesterday thinking it may have some relevant advice.

As I’m still bleeding from my extensively stitched up vagina, have just developed hemorrhoids, have a painful bleeding nipple fissure, anm running on no sleep and a baby constantly attached to my boobs “have you thought about a vibrator?” was not the advice I expected or wanted to see. That the ad came up with no warning that it was sexual in the style and beauty section (I think) seems particularly inappropriate.

There’s enough pressure on new mums to bounce back and be sexual again without a site supposedly to support mums pushing the idea that all we really need to be ourselves after a baby is a few orgasms. Very disappointed.

MMAMPWGHAP · 23/02/2023 08:38

You should see some of the ads that are interspersed in the Elderly Parents topic. You’ve got sensitive discussions on parents reverting to childlike states caused by dementia interspersed with ads about weaning, tantrums etc etc.

MichelleScarn · 23/02/2023 08:40

Absolutely @onirgellep! I'm currently 7 months pregnant and currently the contemplation of something like this is abhorrent!
Smacks of the 'so you've just pushed a human out of your body?, you really should be wanting to have things stuck back up there, if you don't have a shot at this as you really should be getting back into the swing of it!'

ClaudeMyWinkleman · 23/02/2023 08:42

00100001 · 23/02/2023 08:02

PersonsNet

Themsnet

SweetSakura · 23/02/2023 08:46

ClaudeMyWinkleman · 23/02/2023 08:42

Themsnet

Vulvaownersnet

ClaudeMyWinkleman · 23/02/2023 08:53

I'm currently 2 weeks post childbirth and the thought of putting anything back up there makes me want to punch the suggester in the face. But I suppose that actually would be against mumsnet guidelines. Unlike the pressure laden adverts you're forcing on hormonal, exhausted postpartum women you supposedly support and care for. I'd like to know what team of male and non parent advertisers came up with such a stupid idea

ClaudeMyWinkleman · 23/02/2023 08:54

SweetSakura · 23/02/2023 08:46

Vulvaownersnet

🤣

BalloonInvestigator · 23/02/2023 08:54

ClaudeMyWinkleman · 23/02/2023 08:42

Themsnet

Themsnet! 😂

Silvergone · 23/02/2023 08:55

Totally agree OP.

Has Mumsnet recently hired a bunch of woke teenage interns? There’s been some very stupid marketing lately.

Encouraging new mums to use sex toys is ignorant. Makes me think of that dad who bullied his wife into receiving oral sex a few weeks after giving birth and she got an infection and died because what new mums need is time and space for physical healing not pressure to be sexual 🤨

MrsBungle · 23/02/2023 08:57

I’m sick to that back teeth of seeing sex toy adverts on the active list. It’s so tacky. Put it all in the sex topic so I can hide it.

And this particular ad is bloody stupid. Sex toys for new mums? Fgs. Sleep and no pressure is what new mums need.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 23/02/2023 09:00

Disgusting, seriously a new mother needs sleep & bonding with her family not a bloody sex toy. Talk about adding needless pressure onto new mums. All this sex stuff needs to go! Angry

ladymalfoy45 · 23/02/2023 09:00

Mumsnet seems to being run by the SLT/SMT of a lot of academies.
Lip service and kicking the can down the road without addressing everyone's concerns.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 23/02/2023 09:01

HopeMumsnet · 23/02/2023 06:56

Hi all,
Discussion is ongoing about this sex topic business, sorry, we'll get back to you when we know what the plan is. And yes re sleep, no doubt about that. We are passing on your thoughts.

Just hide it or get rid of it? There should be no "we need to think first" your users have made it very clear it's inappropriate.

WandaWonder · 23/02/2023 09:02

Springintoabetterlife · 22/02/2023 11:18

Just had a baby? Feel like you’ve lost yourself and you’re not good enough? Buy a sex toy. [my words]

Can you not start to understand the pressure you are putting on new Mum’s with this?

If someone doesn't want sex then don't have it, site I don't get the sex thing on here but I also am sick of the 'we have to do whatever is being advertised' just don't have it

Having a baby shouldn't mean a person can't decide for themselves what they want or not

JenniferBarkley · 23/02/2023 09:02

Saw it yesterday and was furious. It's hard to imagine anything that could be advertised that's less supportive to new mothers.

MN have been getting so many calls wrong lately, really basic shit. It's very disappointing.

Springintoabetterlife · 23/02/2023 09:09

WandaWonder · 23/02/2023 09:02

If someone doesn't want sex then don't have it, site I don't get the sex thing on here but I also am sick of the 'we have to do whatever is being advertised' just don't have it

Having a baby shouldn't mean a person can't decide for themselves what they want or not

I agree but this advert was aimed at vulnerable women by an organisation who which is supposed to support parents.

OP posts:
Amarchhare · 23/02/2023 09:14

Having a baby shouldn't mean a person can't decide for themselves what they want or not

That isn’t really what people are saying and it also disregards how adverts work.

Several years ago, when we had a spate of very thin celebrities (like Victoria beckham, Mary Kate Olsen and the like) most women didn’t look like them, but what they did do was to shift the goalposts for the rest of us. So for example, many people thought VB was too thin, but if a woman who weighs six stone is wandering around embodying ‘beauty’ and ‘glamour’ and ‘style’ it puts subliminal pressure on others: compared to that, someone who is in fact a normal, healthy size feels overweight.

The objection to this advert is similar. Even if you aren’t thinking ‘ooh, must start to masturbate after birth’ it seems to present sex and sexual feelings in the immediate aftermath of post partum as normal, desirable and it’s strongly hinted at in the advert - something that most women feel. It isn’t. Here is the NHS link re sex after birth but this is most pertinent:

You'll probably feel sore as well as tired after your baby is born, so don't rush into it.

I follow Emma’s Diary on social media. I was confronted with Molly Mae at the gym the other day. There again is that pressure - look, she’s doing it, why aren’t you? This is similar but it is worse, so much worse. I wouldn’t go on like this if I didn’t feel strongly but I think MN are doing an awful thing here.

WinterMusings · 23/02/2023 09:18

@HebeMumsnet @HopeMumsnet

I don't really mind the adverts as such, but I find the threads started by MN 'off'.

I would have said there's no way MN would be posting threads promoting sex toys etc.

it's supposedly a parenting site, not a sex site, but it's increasing feeling seedy and like MN no longer cares about anything other than revenue. Obviously that's important to a business, but where will it stop? Feels like you'll be promoting sex sites next.

The one that really got me was the one mentioned, vibratory to reconnect with yourself after birth.

How low are MN prepared to go???

BIWI · 23/02/2023 09:21

Those ads have been written by someone who

  • has never given birth
  • is a man

... or both

Why not just change the name of the site to Mansnet?