Boarding board?

[Xiaoxiong]

Hi MN - would you consider a separate Boarding board similar to the step parenting board?

Regarding: www.mumsnet.com/talk/education/4627099-first-time-boarding-missing-ds-so-so-much

This is not the first thread I have seen where an OP wants support or advice relating to boarding, and it's derailed by unsupportive or actively insulting comments from MNers who disagree with boarding as a whole, or making comments like "oh how the other half live" etc. Which is fine, everyone is entitled to their views and to post wherever they like - but it's not useful to the OP at all, who obviously has her reasons for being a parent of a boarder.

@Bekind2yourself @queenrollo @Festoonlights @dworky @catsarecrackers and other posters are fighting the good fight on there but the poor OP isn't getting much support.

If we had a board where parents could post relating to boarding without having to run the gauntlet of people who disagree with boarding, it would be incredibly helpful to people like poor old @muppetsmum who is getting rather savaged at a very raw time for her

I think it would be a lovely idea. Boarding is such an (understandably) emotive subject that a dedicated board would be good for many people who daren't post for fear of being battered as in the thread you mention. I'm happy to argue the benefits for some children (like my own!) as I have a thick skin and am now a bit "yawn" at some of the anti-boarders but some people are downright nasty and just cannot understand that for some families it's the right thing to do.

It wouldn't stop it TBH.

No, sadly, you are probably right. 😕But perhaps not as many people would go onto a particular niche board?

If we had a dedicated board, I think it would be similar to other boards where there are sort of common rules and guidelines for those boards eg SEN, Stepparenting, FWR and the South Asian and Black MNers boards spring to mind.

It would be a board for parents of boarders or prospective boarders to support each other and ask questions, with no judgement allowed on the thread as to why a child is boarding or how much boarding school costs (and not all boarding schools are private, either!)

It might not stop the venomous comments, but at least it would enable people to say "this isn't in AIBU/Chat/Education, this is in Boarding so no judgement of the OP's reasons for boarding please"

I agree @CatsAreCrackers, I have a thick skin and know that just as boarding isn't right for (most) DC, it's also the right choice for some. But the poor OP there is obviously struggling and having a whole pack of posters giving her a kicking is probably making it worse for her.

MN is about support, not savaging people at a vulnerable time.

I'm ambivalent about boarding (having boarded myself), but the vitriol the OP in the linked thread is having to put up with for her teenager weekly boarding is ridiculous.
I think a Boarding board in Education would be a good idea.

It’s certainly an idea …

But Black MN is regularly invaded by faux-wide-eyed trolls - so I’m not sure how comfortable a place a separate board might be.

Totally agree and I said the same on the thread itself. Yes it's true it won't completely stop people coming on threads and stirring, but it would probably at least limit the negativity.

The OP on that thread is having her maternal skills questioned and being asked with faux concern why her DS wanted to leave home. Parents of boarders in general have been variously categorised as lazy and selfish. There is a large number who clearly have no experience of boarding at all who have weighed in seemingly solely to make the OP feel even more shit.

A separate board would be very helpful!

If you do, make sure it's called something like 'boarding schools' not just 'boarding'... I opened this thread wondering if it was about surf, snow or paddle...

I know the board would be prone to invasion. But at least it would enable other posters to say "this board is not about debating the rights and wrongs of boarding as a concept, please don't derail the thread". I know some people tried saying that on the thread in question and were told this is the education board, we can say what we think.

If everyone on the boarding board had to at least accept that boarding wasn't to be debated as a concept, then posters could get some actual support.

@ErrolTheDragon good point 🏄‍♀️

As the subject of all the abuse when I asked for help, I would certainly welcome a dedicated board for boarding schools. Yes, it could be targeted by those hell-bent on sharing their irrelevant negative opinions but it would probably reduce the chances of those with nothing useful to share stumbling across it and easier to keep the responses relevant. I am not a regular MNer and was surprised when I turned here at a vulnerable time at the lack of posts relating to boarding. Now I know why! I'm sure there are others who would like to seek support but who are not brave/naive/stupid enough to do so here. I was feeling low and the vitriol I received could easily have pushed me over the edge if, for example, I did have an underlying depression. Fortunately I'm pretty resilient and in no doubt about my love for my children or my ability to parent them in their best interests rather than mine. @MNHQ I think you have enough voices here to demonstrate that this is an area of unmet need in the board topics. There are 41 state boarding schools in the UK without even mentioning those such as the military and diplomats or those living in geographically very remote areas, who are forced to board their children not at their own expense or by their own choice. This is not exclusively an independent school issue.

As a mum considering DD's wish to spread her wings with a state boarding option, I'd really value an additional board. I have many questions but no where to ask them right now without prompting a pile-on.

I always click on 'Active' which brought up this thread, I never just go to a board and scan through for posts on one subject. Posts will still be seen.

Hi @Xiaoxiong thanks for starting this thread and for raising the idea of a dedicated Boarding School topic.

Though in general we're trying to streamline the number of topics on the site, we can see that the responses have been pretty positive so far so we'll be watching this thread and if there's enough interest we'll certainly consider this.

And @muppetsmum - we're really sorry that you were upset by some of the responses to your thread. We've already deleted a number of posts which we felt were overly harsh but please report any others that concern you.

I am not a regular MNer and was surprised when I turned here at a vulnerable time at the lack of posts relating to boarding. Now I know why!

Oddly enough I found my way to MN, rather more than a decade ago, while looking for information on boarding schools - prep and senior. And there was a solid core of well informed posters across the various Education boards who together provided enough up to date insight and experience to give me confidence in my next steps. (Because lots had changed since my own boarding days, and I didn’t know much about choosing a school for boys.)

After that I spent a few years offering my own increasingly expert advice and opinions on our boarding adventures.

Throughout all this time I’ve learned to dodge, ignore and try not to respond to the patently ignorant or those eager to recount the experiences of their great grandfather … I do feel compelled to offer reassurance and strengthening advice to people with neither experience or money but a strong feeling their child might thrive in a different environment. It’s actually a real joy to let people know that bursaries are meant for families on low incomes! And that the best chance of a bursary is at the biggest, richest schools.

I despair of the snotty remarks about boarding made by people living next door to a top ten in the country comprehensive - in their million pound houses. Fuck’ em! Boarding offers undreamed of opportunities for children whose parents will never see the inside of such a house.

So, yeah … Knowledge is power, etc. Anything that aids the spread of knowledge would be good.

As someone with no skin at all in this topic, but generally in favour of MN being a supportive forum for all parents, a quick Google suggests the number of boarders in the U.K. is somewhat lower than but of the same order of magnitude as the number who are home educated. The reasons for wanting a specific board are probably rather similar I'd have thought.

@ChicCroissant they will still be seen, for sure. But a separate board will enable other posters on threads to say "this thread isn't in Education, it's in Boarding - the assumption is that posters on threads in the Boarding section don't disagree as a matter of course with boarding as a concept so please don't derail this thread if you disagree with boarding."

@ErrolTheDragon I actually found that there are more than 10 times as many boarders than home educated kids? Maybe I'm looking at the wrong figures?

630,000 boarders in the UK across 2500 schools (this includes 5,000 boarders in 34 state boarding schools): www.ukboardingschools.com/advice/boarding-in-the-uk/#:~:text=There%20are%20currently%20about%20630%2C000,Independent%20Schools%20Council%20(ISC).

Versus 60,000 home educated kids in the UK: commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/sn05108/#:~:text=In%202019%2C%20all%20local%20authorities,England%20as%20of%20March%202019.

But 100% co-sign MN being a supportive forum for all parents!

I actually found that there are more than 10 times as many boarders than home educated kids? Maybe I'm looking at the wrong figures?

That 630k is all children educated in independent day and boarding schools, not specifically boarders. It may be hard to get a precise figure as some kids may board only occasionally. But regardless- it's a pretty substantial number.

I think a dedicated boarding schools thread would be incredibly useful.

I absolutely agree. As a previous boarder in the 80's I had an horrific time and am therefore very negative in my opinion. So I never comment as my experiences many years ago are irrelevant now.
But I do think somewhere that boarder parents can ask for advice in a safer place would be useful.

@ErrolTheDragon whoops you're absolutely right, my bad.

There were 65,232 boarding pupils on census day – 20th January 2022. If we consider pupils registered to board at any point during the academic year 2021/22, there were 69,937 boarders, an increase of 4,592 from last year. The trend in recent years towards weekly and flexi-boarding continues. 22.8% of
boarders are in these two categories compared with 20.2% in 2020.

www.isc.co.uk/media/8387/isc_census_2022_final.pdf

@DawnMumsnet thanks so much for your comments on this thread and for taking this under consideration. I would respectfully request that you also read the many comments on @muppetsmum 's thread along the same lines, who may not make their way over here.

I know you're trying to streamline boards, but this appears to be a case where a separate board is really needed.

You could always merge Feminism chat back into FWR if you want to eliminate a board...

Quote from a post (not mine!) on the other thread.

Lower income families whose children don't attend leafy comps are the least likely to even be aware of bursaries. It's not their world.

This, as I see it, is the main disadvantage of a separate boarding topic - the conversations won’t be seen by exactly the families who most need the information.