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Original poster

Can there be a rule against offering money to other posters on here?

66 replies

HollyDayDream · 17/04/2022 14:26

I know Mumsnet post a standard “don’t give more than you can afford” message on relevant threads, but would it ever be considered to make it a forum rule not to offer money to other posters? And a bigger warning about giving out your address to strangers?

Perhaps some bullet points of advice (e.g. consider going to nearest place of worship to enquire about food), links to websites or relevant nationwide charities who are able to help on emergency situations, weekends and bank holidays would be a good addition to the standard mumsnet reply message?

Lots of posters on here seem willing to give money away very quickly or give their address to strangers who we don’t know are telling the truth about their situation. I worry this makes the site a prime target for scammers, puts off genuine people posting for help, and places posters here at personal risk.

The advice from posters seems to be generic on similar posts so perhaps could be compiled into a standard reply? Or put in a sticky thread in money matters?

OP posts:
TooBigForMyBoots · 17/04/2022 14:28

I'm permaskint and have been here years. Nobody's offered me money.

Inklingpot · 17/04/2022 19:30

Unfortunately, too many people on here are gullible despite the very obvious begging stories which rarely differ.

It’s always a single mother with no family nearby, spent their last money on nappies/food, run out of credit on phone, can’t work out how to get a food bank referral, no money on the electricity meter, benefits delayed/stopped, wide-eyed claims that they don’t want money, just advice (that one earlier today must have done well out of all the ‘advice’ posters were PMing her).

I honestly don’t get how people keep falling for this blatant scamming.

gogohm · 17/04/2022 19:40

Please don't suggest your nearest place if worship - we do not keep food onsite nor do we give money to people. Yes food banks are often in churches but you need to go to that church not the nearest one. I work for the church and all we do is write the address on a post it note and they complain because they heard churches have food!

Gudwaras do have community food regularly but you need to give accurate information including times, dress code and guidance on etiquette there too be helpful, I had a little hand out at my last work with all food in my city and extra details like cover shoulders or remove shoes

NoWordForFluffy · 17/04/2022 19:50

I have to admit that, despite any protestations to the contrary, I view all 'help, I've very little / no money' threads as begging threads. I read them through idle curiosity, but nothing else. It amazes me that people are taken in so easily.

Inklingpot · 17/04/2022 19:58

@NoWordForFluffy

I have to admit that, despite any protestations to the contrary, I view all 'help, I've very little / no money' threads as begging threads. I read them through idle curiosity, but nothing else. It amazes me that people are taken in so easily.
I think there’s an element of performative giving as well. ‘Look at meeeee, sparing £20 to help this poor person out’.
Glamora · 17/04/2022 19:59

@NoWordForFluffy

I have to admit that, despite any protestations to the contrary, I view all 'help, I've very little / no money' threads as begging threads. I read them through idle curiosity, but nothing else. It amazes me that people are taken in so easily.
Me too, it's all "I have 37p and half a tin of tomatoes to last me til the middle of next month, can anyone tell me what I should do"

Oh no, I can't do a food bank they're too far away

Oh no I can't ask a friend or relative, I'm a fully **British orphan with no friends
(Just in case anyone thinks they shouldn't be here)

Oh no I can't do any of the things you suggest and I have 6 dc by 12 different fathers and none of them can help me

NoWordForFluffy · 17/04/2022 20:18

Yes, to both Inklingpot and Glamora!

GrazingSheep · 17/04/2022 21:05

I’m amazed that @mnhq allowed that thread to stay for as long as it did today

Hobnobswantshernameback · 18/04/2022 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Chocbuttonsandredwine · 18/04/2022 09:21

I know what you are saying and I kind of agree however is it any different to giving to a person sitting begging on the street? You don’t have to give, you don’t know their circumstances either, in my eyes it’s just the same. I sometimes give £10 to the person sitting near the train station on my way to work. I don’t know that they are “genuine” or thT they haven’t got a 5 bed house and a BMW, but it doesn’t really matter.

I don’t give to begging threads, but you know what, even if only 1 in 10 is genuine then at least that 1 person has got some help.

And as MN say, never give more than you can afford.

Samcro · 18/04/2022 09:41

I have been on here since 2006 and begging threads have been around all that time, there was one poster who pretty much used mn as their bank!
people are gullible sadly.

LaurieFairyCake · 18/04/2022 10:01

I think it might be good if people are 'allowed'/advised to give £1

Then a poster who's skint could make £10-£50 posting but the individual mumsnetter would only 'lose' £1

The same posters wouldn't give all the time - Mumsnet would do their usual IP address check to see that it's a 'real' individual poster - they come on and say after that 'there's nothing to indicate this post isn't real' (this means they've checked it's an individual IP address I think)

LaurieFairyCake · 18/04/2022 10:01

Advised to ONLY give maximum £1

Inklingpot · 18/04/2022 14:06

@LaurieFairyCake

I think it might be good if people are 'allowed'/advised to give £1

Then a poster who's skint could make £10-£50 posting but the individual mumsnetter would only 'lose' £1

The same posters wouldn't give all the time - Mumsnet would do their usual IP address check to see that it's a 'real' individual poster - they come on and say after that 'there's nothing to indicate this post isn't real' (this means they've checked it's an individual IP address I think)

Why on earth would you want to encourage scammers to make money from other members?

MNHQ have no way to know if a poster is genuine from their IP address.

There should be zero tolerance of begging threads. These are not hard-up single mothers trying to get a few quid, these are thieves and con merchants playing on MNers’ gullibility and having more money than sense. At the very least, their PMs should be closed to prevent people contacting them.

pedropony76 · 18/04/2022 14:13

@Chocbuttonsandredwine

I know what you are saying and I kind of agree however is it any different to giving to a person sitting begging on the street? You don’t have to give, you don’t know their circumstances either, in my eyes it’s just the same. I sometimes give £10 to the person sitting near the train station on my way to work. I don’t know that they are “genuine” or thT they haven’t got a 5 bed house and a BMW, but it doesn’t really matter.

I don’t give to begging threads, but you know what, even if only 1 in 10 is genuine then at least that 1 person has got some help.

And as MN say, never give more than you can afford.

I agree with this. No one’s forcing you to give money to anyone. If there’s people that want to give money to the poster then you can’t exactly stop them. I think MNs reminder of ‘never give more than you can afford’ is more than enough. Someone may have £1500 in their account and are more than happy to part ways with a tenner. No one knows whether an OP is genuine or not so as long as that poster doesn’t mind that money going to waste then I don’t see the problem
pedropony76 · 18/04/2022 14:14

These are not hard-up single mothers trying to get a few quid, these are thieves and con merchants

@Inklingpot but how do you know that though? The matter of the fact is, you simply don’t. You don’t know that every single person behind those sort of threads are scammers

Lockheart · 18/04/2022 14:19

I've been tempted to post a begging thread on here just to see how long it stayed up and how much cash I was offered (I wouldn't actually take it, to be clear).

I remember one small saga which went on over a few threads and a couple of weeks where the poster claimed to be really hard up, abusive family, her baby ended up in hospital halfway through, all very heart-rending except the story had more holes than Swiss cheese. Despite this it kept on going for far too long.

After they were eventually rumbled, one poster (who I still see about on the forums sometimes) said she'd given this scammer £100. £100!!

I mean fair play if you've got that kind of money to throw away but it shows what kind of result these con artists get. She was just one poster, who knows how much they made overall.

MN is obviously known to be a soft touch. I don't know if it's doable but I think MNHQ should try to put some sort of algorithm in tha flags PMs which mention "PayPal" / "transfer" etc etc. Maybe they do already have that, but it seems mad that these threads stay up as long as they do.

Inklingpot · 18/04/2022 14:22

@pedropony76

These are not hard-up single mothers trying to get a few quid, these are thieves and con merchants

@Inklingpot but how do you know that though? The matter of the fact is, you simply don’t. You don’t know that every single person behind those sort of threads are scammers

How do you know that they aren’t scammers?
LoveSpringDaffs · 18/04/2022 14:27

I've been here years & years.

There have been countless people helped by the kindness of others. Plenty of friends have been made & those needing help have helped others when they've got back on their feet.

Don't try to make rules about what adults can & can't help with.

MNHQ Warning/reminder is plenty.

AlternativePerspective · 18/04/2022 14:27

It’s simple (or should be.) mn can’t ban people from being gullible idiots who are desperate to part with their cash. But IMO there should just be a blanket ban on those kinds of threads, with begging thread being deleted the instant it is reported and the poster banned.

So while they can’t ban users from giving money, they can ban users from starting begging threads.

Original poster
HollyDayDream · 18/04/2022 14:33

Interesting opinions. I don't know that a blanket ban on 'begging threads' is the answer as they're difficult to define. Some people genuinely want a bit of advice about how to make their contents of the food cupboard stretch for a week due to unforeseen circumstances. People should be allowed to post for advice. I think the ban should instead be on anyone offering money. And a lot of the advice for emergency situations is generic, so I wonder if it could be compiled and copied into the Mumsnet standard reply on relevant threads.

A big thing I have noticed is that many posters don't read the whole thread. They don't see that three of four people have already offered money, and might think they're the first to do so. After five or six pages, the money offers can be in double digits.

OP posts:
pedropony76 · 18/04/2022 14:49

@Inklingpot I don’t but that’s my point. I have no clue who may be a scammer and who may be genuine. The same way you have no clue

EvenPhilip · 18/04/2022 14:53

I didn't see the particular thread that you are referencing OP, however I've been here ages and very rarely see anybody offering cash just like that.
I agree with the poster upthread who said about a MNHQ warning.

lightand · 18/04/2022 14:57

@LoveSpringDaffs

I've been here years & years.

There have been countless people helped by the kindness of others. Plenty of friends have been made & those needing help have helped others when they've got back on their feet.

Don't try to make rules about what adults can & can't help with.

MNHQ Warning/reminder is plenty.

I agree with this post.
MyDcAreMarvel · 18/04/2022 14:57

No I disagree, adults can’t make their own choices. Just move on from any thread that bothers you op.