Can I please remind all of us that attacking OP on a thread where support is needed is NOT in the spirit of MN?

[Notreallyarsed]

I’ve seen a couple of threads recently where an OP has posted, having a really rough time and just needing a bit of support and some posters seem to take great delight in piling in and saying the most awful things, making OP feel like absolute shite, not offering anything constructive or supportive and just seem to get off on being as vile and brutal as possible.

This is a support site, when someone is experiencing MH problems, DV, abuse, or struggling with problems in their lives, they deserve and need support, advice, constructive criticism (when required) and links to places that can help. NOT to be repeatedly told they shouldn’t be a parent, shouldn’t have had children, should have their kids removed, are a shit person, failing at life and pretty much worthless.

What does that say about you if that’s your reason for living? That you’d actively seek out someone who is struggling and kick them when they’re down?

Totally agree with you...some nasty people here hiding behind their keyboards saying things they wouldn't dare say face to face.

This should be a safe place for people struggling.

This should be a safe place for people struggling

You’ve just summed up in one sentence what I couldn’t in an entire post. This is spot on, absolutely what I was trying (and failing) to say.

Looking at most threads, I'd say kicking someone who's down is exactly what MN is about.

And that’s the problem. The fact that these people can mess with someone’s life for their own amusement with no consequences. There are incredible threads on here, supportive, empathetic, where real friendships are forged. There are threads which in real terms change people’s lives for the better and offer support to do that.

TAAT also not in the spirit of MN. Why not contact HQ directly with your concerns?

Couldn’t agree more.

The spite and rabid need to lay into clearly struggling people enrages me at times.

This isn’t a thread about a thread though is it? It’s something the op has seen in a few places.

I agree with you, it’s horrible on here sometimes. Just bitter people sitting behind a keyboard taking delight in kicking vulnerable people down.

I don't know, expat, it's a generalisable point - and one that probably needs repeating ... frequently.

There are a lot of frustrated, frightened, angry people about these days - and MN seems to operate for them just like the stocks in ye old days. You can amble along with your rotten fruit, or your stones, and throw them at the defenceless - with a feeling of righteousness - and instantly feel a little bit more in control of your own car crash life.

@expatinscotland it’s not a TAAT, it’s a TANumerousT. I’m not talking about MNHQ admin, I’m talking about posters who deliberately skate just within talk guidelines to hurt people for fun.

Thanks @MsGameandWatching and @ColourCature I’m glad you get it.

Perhaps it is marginally better than doing some kind of random act of vindictiveness on someone in RL?

No.

Not really. Because if the person you're doing it to on-line is real, it will have a real effect.

Best not to do it at all, really.

If I land on a thread and I find the OP has an apparently surreal, outrageous or simply dim view of a situation, I either back away slowly, or if a possible troll, report to MNHQ for them to take a look at.

If I can't add anything useful, but it's a thread about something that has/will or is affecting me, I put it on my Watch list.

There's no need to lay into someone (and potentially warn trolls they're being deleted soon) and insult someone on the www.

Bored journalists from the national press are watching and all that.

@thecatfromjapan I couldn’t agree more! Because it’s faceless people think it doesn’t have an impact, but it does. To say things you’d never dream of in RL to someone vulnerable on here just because you can is indefensible.

I agree - there has been some really nasty stuff recently which left me open mouthed.

To be fair, the rude fuckers are usually taken down by other more reasonable posters, but still.

Keyboard warriors = cowards

I’ve definitly noticed a “shift” in the last year of posters saying things before they think. Obviously, once it’s written, black and white, it can’t be retracted.

Several threads I’ve been on and watched even in the last week, have had horrible and unkind comments which are completely unnecessary.

My mums advice to me when I was younger: if you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all
Perhaps Mners need reminding of this

Having been around MN for a number of year now i have come to the conclusion that some people on here lead perfect lives, with perfect families. They are people who never make a mistake or do something they shouldn't have. These people are often the first to give the OP a good kicking on threads. I often wonder about their lives...?

There are a lot of arseholes in the world, and a lot of them have gravitated to MN in the year especially. It's noticeable.

I don't think the moderation has kept pace.

I think that the moderators have the choice to decide what is and isn’t a personal attack, and the majority of posters who do this are very adept at staying just inside the talk guidelines. It’s extremely hurtful when people say horrendous things, it’s happened to me and I’ve had to take a break from MN.

It does seem to be getting worse, worryingly, particularly on DV threads where the consequences could be really damaging in RL.

Liney , i think it would help if the mods were encouraged to use the boards themselves and set a tone - under name changes if necessary.

I hate to say it but I think it's a self-perpetuating problem: MN is becoming/has become known for a certain style, and it's attracting an audience that replicate a very debased form of exchange.

The cheery "Nominate your CF thread of the year" thread was a bit of a shock for me. Along with some of the threads nominated.

So, you know, I think we have to entertain the possibility that this notion of MN as some kind of 'safe space' is definitely, truly at variance with the overall vision of the direction of the site. I have to admit, I don't agree with the idea that it is a 'safe space'. It isn't, and I don't think it can be that.

It would, however, be nice if it were broadly supportive.

I think CF threads are very much a form of 'modern day stocks' and part of the whole AIBU/short, sharp-edged responses thing.

MN hasn't been a safe space, ever. It's a wide open, self-moderating (ie largely unmoderated) site.

If you want safer and supportive then you need to look elsewhere. The sense of community on MN is long gone.

I’m still getting to grips with this site but are there “protected” support threads where it’s against the rules to be deliberately unsupportive? Those exist on another parenting site I used to belong to.

Hmmmm.

I've been very arsey to the OP on at least one thread in the last few days. Got my goat big time. (The thread about DH 'causing' miscarriage , DSIL AND DMIL 's reaction to OP)

If that was wrong of me then I apologise unreservedly.

I must say, though, that it does seem to be a bit of a free for all on MN threads.

But again.... if I have broken rules then huge apologies. I will take more care to keep my frustration in check in future.

No, missyB1.

I’ve had a pop at people on here, I came very close to a ban when a poster made an unforgivable comment about my father and my dead Mum and I lost my shit.
What I find really worrying and depressing is when an OP is clearly vulnerable and in need of support and all they get is smugness, abuse and told how shit they are.

@princesssparkle1 I don’t recognise your username which tells me you’re not one of “those” posters.