Can I please remind all of us that attacking OP on a thread where support is needed is NOT in the spirit of MN?

[Notreallyarsed]

I’ve seen a couple of threads recently where an OP has posted, having a really rough time and just needing a bit of support and some posters seem to take great delight in piling in and saying the most awful things, making OP feel like absolute shite, not offering anything constructive or supportive and just seem to get off on being as vile and brutal as possible.

This is a support site, when someone is experiencing MH problems, DV, abuse, or struggling with problems in their lives, they deserve and need support, advice, constructive criticism (when required) and links to places that can help. NOT to be repeatedly told they shouldn’t be a parent, shouldn’t have had children, should have their kids removed, are a shit person, failing at life and pretty much worthless.

What does that say about you if that’s your reason for living? That you’d actively seek out someone who is struggling and kick them when they’re down?

MsGame there was a thread I was on this morning that has now gone but it was exactly a poster telling others not to post anymore - he/she was completely unjustified in doing so because the posts kept on coming in but I don't think you're talking about that one?

I do agree with you about pile-ons where an OP is being harangued and I think we all know that happens. It's up to everybody to prompt 'enough of the pile-on now', and perhaps we should make a point of doing that as a community?

Absolutely agree OP! I nearly committed suicide after being brutally destroyed on a thread I created about the most sensitive subject imaginable. I still haven't emotionally recovered and don't think I ever will.

Hear hear

Agree, OP.

Haven't posted on here for months. Lots of reasons but I also mentioned on a thread relating to the D&C debacle that 'talk' just is not supportive any more.

Lots of vicious, spiteful posting, with the same pps repeatedly popping up with nasty comments and digs, just staying the 'right side' of 'talk guidelines'. In some cases not even that, and as others have mentioned HQ seem very divided in what is acceptable any more.

Truthfully, I think the byline by parents for parents needs to go, as its no longer the case. Having also seen one of the founders personally attack long standing members and then ban them on threads, I've come to the conclusion that the MN I knew is no longer here.

As this year has gone on, I have been horrified at what MN Talk has become. I know people say it goes in cycles but I honestly think its gone beyond a point of no return.

Having been here for nearly a decade, I've had to conclude its no longer the place for me it once was. I really miss some posters and the threads I regularly participated in but what with various proper grown up real life shit to deal with, including being diagnosed with a life-threatening condition I then felt I couldn't post about for advice here because the crap pps far outnumber the good, I've fucked off.

I still read the forums when I get the chance, hoping it will improve but I'm saddened to say if anything I think its getting worse.

I loved Mn Talk and I'm sorry to see how its gone.

There is an increased level of spite around at the moment. AIBU has always been a bear pit but it seems even more so now, the nastiness is relentless.

It's all well and good saying more reasonable posters come along and try to damp down the flames but usually by the time that happens the OP has been subjected to post after post of unremitting bile and the damage has been done.

I also think the annoying 'Haven't Read the Full Threaders' are part of the problem, pages of posts haranguing the OP and then they join in and start all over again verbally battering the OP. Why do that? What does it achieve?

If an OP has been told 50 times she/he is unreasonable, etc., do they really need to be told a 51st time?

No there are no safe spaces on the internet and never have been but that doesn't justify some of the behaviour seen on here of late.

Some threads seem to attract a certain response.

School threads = special snowflakes or teacher bashing.

MIL = poor OP. She must be vile

DP/DH -= ltb!

I think because there's so many threads nowadays and some are pretty similar in content

Would like to add that having had the right support at the right time can literally turn an OP life around. Thank you Mumsnet fantastic lifeline.

Agree to an extent, and it can be unnecessarily brutal at times.

There are times though when sometimes being slightly harsher is what the op needs. Plus the fact that the person responding might have their own problems, and a load of posters patting the op on the back for behaviour they personally have issues around can be a trigger, and make them respond more harshly than they would otherwise. Or other posters using the excuse of defending the op to be pretty shitty themselves and pile on an opposite, but not nasty opinion. Which of course is likely to cause the disagreeing poster to become harsh in response, with the op as collateral damage.

I know that there are some topics when I sit on my hands and keep checking a thread to see if someone has managed to say what I'd like to, because I think the op needs to hear it. But at the same time I don't trust myself to respond without being ott brutal. I can do that because a) I'm happy in my own life and b) know my brutal response wouldn't be constructive, it would be ignored by the op as just being vile. But I can understand why others might not be in a position to hold back right now.

I also think that sometimes the subtle manipulation of some posters can be far nastier.

Of course that doesn't explain the keyboard warriors who just enjoy kicking anyone that's down.

My god! Reading some of your stories on this thread , before my time , I guess , has really made me think. I will take care when posting in future. Suicide @MotherofaSurvivor ? Fuck me thats shocked me to my core.

Yep PrincessSparkle. I was at my most vulnerable. I stupidly thought Mumsnet could support me. I got a called a shit mother for having a child when Disabled, despite my ex swearing he'd help, then disappearing. I got called a drain on society because I receive disability benefits and told that no doubt my child would be taken from me. "Yet another single mother to drain society"

Next thing I knew I had Paramedics looking relieved after doing CPR for a considerable length of time....

Many thanks to everyone who's posted on this thread, we just wanted to pop on to say we are listening here. We'll also make sure these thoughts and suggestions are taken onboard and given careful consideration.

We never like to hear that someone has left a thread feeling battered, bruised or worse - that's certainly not what we're here for. If this is you, and if we can help here at all, please do drop us a line.

In the meantime, while we have a think on things, please do hit report if you see anything that raises an eyebrow. That's always the quickest way for us to deal with any trolls, PAs or just general not-in-the-spirit-goadiness.

Thanks again and here's to a great 2018.

@MotherofaSurvivor I’m sorry you had such a horrendous experience. Thanks to all who have posted here in solidarity, it’s nice to see that there are so many of us who don’t want MN to keep sliding and want to help posters in need.

Can I just add, & to end the year on a positive note, MN has been a life saver for me on many an occasion - trolls really are a minority on here, I don’t care what anyone says, & the wonderfully supportive posters really are here if you need them.

@surferjet I totally agree, some threads on here and some posters are just incredible. The nasty ones are thankfully a minority, and I’m glad that we’ve got some positive stories to tell about MN too. Mummylin’s thread was a lifeline when my lovely Mum died, and I’ve made friends on here who became RL friends too.

are there “protected” support threads where it’s against the rules to be deliberately unsupportive? Those exist on another parenting site I used to belong to

Unfortunately having a "protected Board would probably have the reverse effect ie it gives out the message that then non-protected
Boards are open Season for people to be nasty. Surely the message should be that it isn't acceptable anywhere on MN to be mean, over-critical and unsupportive. I've found myself having to 'walk away' from numerous threads, rather than getting embroiled with people who are bored and goading for a keyboard punchup.

The other difficulty is that when you try to call poster/s on their bad behaviour they accuse you of being the Thread Police. Ah the joys! Never mind, most people are helpful and informative, it's just the odd few that spoil it.

It's an internet forum with millions of users

I actually doubt that very much.