Hey MNHQ. Would it be possible to have a discussion about how SN issues/threads are handled on the main boards.

[Pagwatch]

I know you are fire fighting a bit and I'm not trying to stir things up.

I just think that there are endless threads that require you to get involved and try to (for the sake of a better word) mediate between pissed of posters with no real experience of SN/disability and pissed off member of the SN/disability community.

I think you try really really hard to be fair and even handed. It's an understandable response but I have growing doubts about it.
There have been half a dozen threads recently where posters I recognise as living with SN/disability issues deal with a continuous stream of posts from any random who pops up on a thread making the same stupid, ill informed or frankly goady post.
It's like swimming through a tidal wave of shit.
Then, as posters get increasingly exasperated by each arriving poster saying 'well I'm not putting my buggy away if my baby is asleep' or 'why can't I use the disabled toilet if it's empty' or 'but people with SN can be violent. I know of stabbing someone and attacks all the time' they get rude and the thread descends into eurrgh.

I'm still reading constant posts where anyone affected by disability is berated if they are angry, the message being 'be nice, be grateful or we don't have to be fair'

It seems to me that the status quo of 'fairness' is simply unfair.
Posters already dealing with immense difficulty shouldn't be forced to defend themselves against every person who turns up and says unpleasant things under the umbrella of debate. You said a long time ago it was not our responsibility to educate but the reality is that, with no palpable support from you guys, we are endlessly having to educate.

I am not pretending to have the answer but is it possible to contemplate methods by which you could actually say to posters saying 'if someone in a wheelchair can't use their space because I'm not putting my buggy away' that their comments are wrong and not in the spirit of the site?

You link to the This Is My Child campaign but the posters who are the problem won't care and won't read it.

I don't know - I just wonder if you could think about this.
Sometimes there are not two sides to a debate because only one side is directly affected, exhausted, distressed and having their lives and their children's lives made harder.

Hi Flouncy,

Thanks for getting in touch - we've had a read through this thread and it would appear that this is a parody of previous threads. It seems to me the post is poking fun at others who use this phrase to excuse or explain certain behaviours. They are ridiculing disablist posters rather than being disablist.

Hopefully they will chose their words more carefully in future as it clearly can be read the wrong way.

Reported post (direct link)

AnnieNoMouse (Fri 24-Jun-16 15:22:54):
No matter what your problem is, I think it is safe to say at least one of the people involved is on the autistic spectrum and that will explain everything.

Now I've had a couple of really short nights and stressful days plus a glass of wine that's gone down rather quickly so I am potentially not able to fully rationalise this. I also don't understand poke fun at humour (never got faulty towers just seemed racist to me). I had decided to just go to fluffy threads as I knew my processing is not at its best but really this is parody? I'm thinking insert muslim, gay, etc

Flouncy - I agree with you. That wasn't a spoof post. That was someone being sneery and "clever" on a spoof thread which gave them an easy opportunity to be vile.

This is the other one that felt a little uncomfortable to me. I reported suggesting that parodying a thread that had caused significant hurt was rather ill thought out.

I was using a baby change facility at my local supermarket when I woman broke down the door, spat in my baby's face and hurled abuse at me. She said she identifies as a baby and so is more entitled to use the facility. I spoke to the manger who agreed and banned me from all branches of the store.

Wibu to only shop at M&S from now on?

Off to drink more wine, get sleep and return when my brain feels like it is able to engage and be rational!

That's awful flouncy you don't need pointing out the intended humour of thread we do get it. I hardly think my 356month old got given a fruit shoot (that is funny AIBU) compared to a comment about a disability it could be taken wrong way. To late it has been.

Joke or not some people do really think autism and what not is "just naughty"

WTF are they reading?
It seems to me the post is poking fun at others who use this phrase to excuse or explain certain behaviours.
NO! That IS disablist.
Poking fun at people who explain behaviours by explaining that a person is autistic is clearly disablist.
Has the post been deleted or has it been left to stand?

It's been left to stand.

I saw that one flouncy and forgive my ignorance but I'm not quite seeing them problem. The whole thread is a sarcastic as you can imagine. Apologies for not seeing the obvious offence

think a lot of these threads like the stupid people shouldn't be allowed vote.. It's like someone talking v loudly in a pub and you sitting there with a child with SN or a Disablity yourself feeling more and more akward. Then if they do notice it's all Golly oh no of course not we don't actual mean you!!

But still makes atmosphere uncomfortable and that there are lots less undeserving disabled/not really disabled people. There is always element of truthful really thought feelings in it. Thers is nothing fun about a Disabiity or allowing jokes becuse 40y ago same jokes about people of colour were thought of in same light. Now you like WTF shame it's going take half life time to hopefully move this on same.

Someone is rude - that's because they're autistic
Someone is unfriendly - that's because they're autistic
Someone is behaving badly - that's because they're autistic
Whatever the problem - that's because they're autistic

I don't see the parody, it's just blatantly taking the piss out of autism.

"That wasn't a spoof post. That was someone being sneery and "clever" on a spoof thread which gave them an easy opportunity to be vile."

Yy, i thought the same

No matter what your problem is, I think it is safe to say at least one of the people involved is on the autistic spectrum and that will explain everything.

To me this means that parents with a child on austitc spectrum use this as excuse to explain everything.

But also means people with just naughty kids use it as an excuse AND a lot of reasonable intellects be people will say to parents you child does not have a disability they are naughty.

Therefore if you have a child with behaviour that is a constant drain and you on them on everyone- can't see how someone labelling their naughty child is remotely funny. Because it's shot parents put up with all time.

While OP was making fun of people who say it truth still it's a regular trotted out phrases that makes families with Disabilites uncomfortable. On strong pain killers tonight not sure explaining myself well.

Maybe MN can hire someone with degree in Disability theory for a day who can explain why it matters and what is actually meant. Because we can't seem to be getting the message across.

I had the same email. My reply...

Hi

I strongly disagree - as someone put more eloquently than me; that wasn't a spoof post. That was someone being sneery and "clever" on a spoof thread which gave them an easy opportunity to be vile

Even if they are joking, there is no way that joking about people using autistic as an excuse is an appropriate parody. Not the 'supportive' stance that mn are claiming to have on disability, is it?

Regards
Beyond

Well said beyond. If your child gets slagged off as naughty 20 times a day while having a melt down in public bet your are wetting yourself with laughter right now....

I reported it and they have now agreed to delete it.
However, it really does highlight how they just don't get it.

A result ! Even if poster meant no harm just obviously still like getting a kick if it effects you. A quick we sure you didn't mean any harm but we have removed it as may case offense

Gone, fab :)

Big thumbs up on the time btw :)

Hi Beyond and others. We're so sorry - we're not ignoring you, we promise. It really has been a hell of a day here, as you can imagine. Thanks for getting back to us about that post. On reflection, we agree that though we're sure no offence was meant, the post was disablist and we could see how upsetting it would sound to someone who has ASD themselves or lives with someone who does, so we've deleted it. Thank you to everyone who reported. Hope you all have a lovely evening.

Thank you iona
I hope your evening goes as calmly as is realistically possible in such a horrible atmosphere. And on that note, i'm off to bed

I have spent the last few days on a thread, that thread has been constantly been derailed, i have had loads of pa,s made against me, mn hq have deleted them, but the gf is allowed to continue, nothing done about them!
Very bad form

Bet there's a swear box at HQ with our names on :)

'Humour' isn't acceptable as an excuse for racist/sexist/homophobic posts - the intention is irrelevant it's the effect that matters