Making Adoption board "opt in"

[JamHoneyMarmite]

I know we've asked eleventy billion times before, but please? Please could we make the adoption board an "opt in" like the SN area? I would love it to be welcoming for adopters, prospective adopters, adoptees, birth families, and all open-minded curious folk - but I would also love it not to get bombarded by "I haven't adopted but you're doing it wrong" posts just because it shows up in Active convos.

So, I don't ask this with much hope after the other times people have asked, but pleeeeeease?

I'm very new to adopting but would prefer this. Then I know the info I'm getting is accurate rather than an opinion!

I think the term 'opt in' is a bit confusing, as if it makes it a private board. If it just means it doesn't show in active convos (which is what I think it means!) then yes please!

One board (not enough threads to justify splitting), opt in. Thank you.

Yes, opt-in sounds like a good idea.

wannaBe, I really hope MNHQ reads your excellent post.

I'd vote for having an opt-in for a thread which is for adopters for support and sensitive issues which highlights its purpose, and then have the main adoption thread where people can debate issues, all subjects and discussions related to adoption to be welcome, and posters able to speak freely (subject to mumsnet rules), which is not opt in, please.

NB even with opt in, because many adopters who are Adoption section regulars post in AIBU it means people will follow you to the Adoption section.

I don't agree with the wannaBe's comments on the AIBU section generally - many people love it and love being able to get honest feedback from a large number of people, and feel able to sift the good advice from not so much.

There are I think 2 letterbox threads at the moment - the one in Adoption where Kew got rounded on (which was awful, poor Kew) and another one from the other day that i can't for the life of me find now - the OP was a birth mother wanting to write a very emotive letterbox letter. I think it was in Chat - can anyone help me find it?

have the main adoption thread where people can debate issues, all subjects and discussions related to adoption to be welcome, and posters able to speak freely (subject to mumsnet rules), which is not opt in, please.

adoptedoceuponatime, I don't see how that particularly helps. Currently anyone can post in adoption so it is already the open area you are referencing. If posters in this hypothetical new open space put forward opinions that are offensive (e.g. matching is like buying a car /handbag) and incorrect (eg sharing an emotional letterbox contact would be a good opportunity to develop a child's emotional intelligence) do you imagine no one would pop up to debate/argue/correct this?
And if all the experienced adopters are in the opt in area, anyone posting in the general open area is just in the same position as present of having any mumsnetter wander through, not realising they are in adoption or not realising there may be specific issues at play and passing comments.

I haven't followed all of this but I would agree about the board being opt-in. However I think that splitting it into separate sections would lose visibility of other points of view from the "adoption triangle" which I think is valuable. I don't mind debating involving a birth parent or adopted person because at least they are involved. And to be honest there is nothing to stop anyone else with an interest opting in and contributing. It's people who believe everything in the Daily Mail spotting a juicy thread in AC and jumping in that make it hard.

Having said all that I didn't read the letterbox thread, too busy trying to sort out my own letterbox!

Flaming, I think discussion and argument on everything would be very welcome indeed to people who want to engage on a discussion board, and it is hoped that the contributors would increase, and there would be more adoptees, birth parents, hcp's, other informed interested people.

Some of the adopters (including you) have made it clear that they don't want to "educate", that when they want support they don't want randoms wandering in to opine, that few people outside that group could possibly contribute in a useful way, and some have said that they are worried that if someone sees advice which they think is bad the person receiving it might not be able to assess for themselves and may then act on it, and finally some people wanting to adopt have said they only want to hear the adopters advice.

Therefore, you need your space and that is accepted, but it is important others have a bit of space to throw around ideas and not be subject to the restrictive environment summarised above.

My vote is as per above, and it is up to mnhq.

I think the idea that the number of people posting on a general discussion board would increase if you have an opt-in adoption section and (for want of a better word) an open board interesting. We have an open board at present, no-one is prevented from starting a thread to discuss for example how you could improve the current system for the benefit of the children. So why don't they now? If you are saying that its because adopters on here are dismissive of other views then thats not going to change, if someone posts (As they have) that direct contact should be promoted by adopters in all cases except where its unsafe for the child or that childrne should not be adopted at all but should only be in long term foster care, then adopters are still going to come onto that thread and say "sorry but that is a terrible idea because..."

So that won't change unless you would prefer the adopters to be banned somehow from posting on general discussion threads I'm pretty sure you don't mean that.

And besides which, anyone with even a passing interest in adoption can opt in - you're asked when you register about special needs and whether you want to opt in. So your list "adoptees, birth parents, hcp's, other informed interested people." would most likely be opted in anyway.

As you say - it's up to MN either way but I strongly suspect any area which you take outside of the main adoption topic would die a death. Because the idea that there will be lots of debate by people who are currently too scared start topics within adoption I suspect is far from the truth - there will be a flurry of threads in the first few weeks as those who wanted it use it then it will lapse to very little.

However that isn't really my concern, if there's a prevailing view that a separate space open to those who haven't enough interest to tick the opt-in box is a good idea then I'd go with the majority view. I think opting in for most adoption threads is a good idea, whether you need something labelled "adoption" outside of that is I guess none of my business as I'm unlikely to start a thread there - if I want everyone on the whole of MN to see something I post, I post it in chat and will probably continue to do that.

By the way I'm not just talking about adopters when I say "opt-in" - some of the harshest criticism of birth parents posts I've seen over the past few years have come from non-adopters and some of the comments have been pretty brutal.

Kew, thats exactly the point I was struggling to make. If people wish to discuss/argue about adoption, they can currently do it either in adoption or chat (or AIBU if they want to) - it won't stop adopters or other people very close to the issues (eg Spero) popping up to correct or challenge when incorrect information is discussed.
I suspect that what adopted means by 'restrictive environment' is for opinions to be unchallenged robustly & allowed to stand.

I would support making the adoption topic opt-in.

I've had some brilliant advice from other adopters on these boards, but it's very frustrating when people with no real understanding weigh in with advice that could potentially be pretty harmful. That happens all the time in real life and I could do without it in a place that's specifically concerned with adoption.

It's also tiring to have the same comments time and again from people who are against adoption and post on threads where people are genuinely seeking advice, just to promote their own agenda.

I really value the adoption board, but making it opt in would definitely improve it.

I think categorising adoption would be a good idea. I don't think it should be under becoming a parent. It might encourage more people to post if the sections were relevant.

I have been on mumsnet for several years and probably post every day. I have adopted children but I don't post on adoption (until yesterday) as many of the threads seem to be about the process of adoption or the early stages. That does not suit what I would want to discuss at all.

Also as my situation is difficult I don't like to discuss it with posters who are at the enquiring or exciting stage.

Hi everyone. Thank you for your contributions to the thread.

We're happy to announce that we will be making the Adoption topic opt-in. This may take a little time, tech wise, so please do bear with us.

We will continue to discuss the best way to approach the Adoption topic and future adoption threads. Thank you very much for your suggestions on this.

Yippeeeeee!!!!! Thank you. We await the tech gods and their magical powers

Yaay!

Hurrah! Thanks!