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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

What is going on with personal attacks/disablist language being left to stand?!

189 replies

JeanneDeMontbaston · 17/06/2015 19:20

I've just seen that the term 'fucking retarded' was left to stand, and the poster who reported it was told it shouldn't be deleted.

That really shocks me and I think it's a real shame coming from MNHQ.

I saw this because the person reporting started a thread asking whether the term were acceptable or not, and it's been deleted with no explanation except that it was 'against talk guidelines'.

I know it was a TAAT (as is this), but generally, threads asking reasonable questions are left to stand for a little, with an explanation from HQ on them. I'm hoping for a better result here in Site Stuff, as it seems to me it's a pretty important question.

Are you defending a policy of not deleting insults like 'fucking retarded'? Is it now unacceptable to question that sort of thing? And does it have to do with this ongoing issue with threads about feminism - which is where the term was used, and in the context of some very nasty (undeleted) attacks on feminist posters.

OP posts:
YonicScrewdriver · 18/06/2015 18:04

Nice name Ellie!

Puffins, did you get an answer?

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 18/06/2015 18:49

Thank you Rebecca Smile

PuffinsAreFictitious · 18/06/2015 21:18

No Yonic.

I know MNHQ have a lot to do and we're all adults etc, but in the light of some truly questionable decisions from them over deletions/bans etc recently, I was hoping to open some form of communication with them. It seems they don't.

I'm quite disillusioned about it all now.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/06/2015 04:23

Glad the phrase was removed.

The general attitude on MN that kids with SN must act in a nice quiet NT way or not participate/ sit at back actually depresses me more than disablist words.

Not sure how that can be dealt with since the campaign didn't work.

Around the time of the campaign MNHQ really listened to posters with disabled kids and disablities. It made a real difference.

Now we are back to the days of being left to educate and that "panto thread". Feels like a big step back.

Not that I will put myself through it to educate any more. I just hide threads.

Samcro · 19/06/2015 07:43

i do hate the fact that if poster starts a "jokey" thread you can be sure there will be digs about sn and mn hq will just post link to "campaign"(yep the agist sn one) and nothing else.
and don't get me started on the "creepy" one. would that still be there is it was about race?

SilverNightFairy · 19/06/2015 11:54

I have two children with special needs. I am also a disabled woman. I get that as a society we have come a long way in our treatment of those with special needs..but we still have a long way to go. I feel as though some kind of disabilist thread crops up on MN every day. Poster's such as Fanjo and Jeanne..bless you both, are consistent in their speaking up to point this out. I feel like other poster's shout them down with comments like "Oh such and such disability is a red herring"....Or there are accusations of finding SN in every interaction someone has with a person acting "odd"...

I probably am not explaining myself very clearly. I am just tired and frightened for children. My son is off to Uni in the fall..and then what? To a world that won't accept him because of his hand motions and facial tics?? My despair is great..

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/06/2015 12:16

I have to say I do appreciate MNHQs post on the school concert thread. Thanks

Silver..thankfully there are lots of nice people around,I think they just avoid those threads. That's great your son is going to UnI Thanks

hazeyjane · 19/06/2015 12:35

I am finding the 'just for fun' 'lighthearted' threads a pita.

People post something about how much better it was when you could say something without everyone getting offended and being pc....

you point out that, yes back in the 'good ol days', children routinely called each other 'spaz' and 'joey' as an insult and you get accused of sucking the fun out of a thread.

People say that you can never say a child is naughty without someone pointing out that they may be behaving a certain way because of special needs.....

you point out that actually it is completely valid to bring up that your child makes noises, or displays certain behaviours, and everyone rolls their eyes and calls you the sn brigade.

People make comments like, 'children didn't have adhd/asd when i was at school, they were just naughty'

you point out that children with additional needs were routinely kept out of school, or sent to special schools, and are told that you are tiresome and the 'thread police'

Honestly I would love it people just stopped for a second, that is all it would take, one bloody second to think - what is is like to have a child with special needs? How does it feel to always be made to feel as though mentioning your child and their needs will be met with pity or a sigh and an eyeroll?

And finally if people could just think, how much better our world is for (hopefully) being more inclusive of people with disabilities and how much better for all of our children it is to live with people with different needs.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 19/06/2015 12:38

That school concert thread was very depressing, I had to click off it.

Did anyone see Fenellas ace sandwich thread that is now in classics? For me, it really summed up the irony of people saying "oh stop saying what if someone has SN, red herring, professionally offended etc" yet Fenella had to keep on saying MY DC HAVE SN as everyone assumed they didn't! I thought it was a great insight into our world, and she handled it much better than I would

Silver, I'm so sorry, it's so painful seeing your DC mocked (for want of a better word). The other day my DS joined in a football game in the park, they all had to say which player they were. DS said "Messi" but his speech isn't clear, and every time he got the ball, they mocked his pronunciation. Of course he didn't have a clue and I pulled them on it discreetly, but my heart broke a bit.

I suppose we just have to remember that there are kind people as well as knobheads, it's just that there seemed to be more kind people when the DC were smaller and younger.

TendonQueen · 19/06/2015 13:34

The MNHQ link to campaign has just been posted again on the current thread about Downs Syndrome and trampoline use. I said people over on this thread weren't impressed by that approach but no-one over there seems to agree and there hasn't been a response.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/06/2015 13:37

I think it's OK but also needs some explanation on the thread and censure of people ignoring it.

hazeyjane · 19/06/2015 13:39

I just think that unfortunately, for all the campaign's good intentions, when MNHQ link to it, people don't actually read it, and don't really have any idea what the campaign was about.

TendonQueen · 19/06/2015 13:41

Exactly. It's not immediately clear what the campaign is about, so it's not really a useful intervention without some context.

Sirzy · 19/06/2015 13:58

I guess it's a case of "you can lead a duck to water but you can't make it drink" and ignorant people are just that and often don't want to learn or have their views challenged.

I was going to suggest that maybe MNHQ need to consider 'relaunching' the campaign to get people discussing it properly again but realistically only those who have experince or who are genuinly open to learning more will respond anyway not those who would benefit from it.

Samcro · 19/06/2015 16:33

perhaps they might consider doing a campaign that isn't agist?

tbh the kind of people who think taking the piss out of sn are not the type of people who are going to click on the link and change.
they need mn hq to come down hard on them.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 19/06/2015 20:20

I was being nice to the OP of the creepy neighbour thread because I genuinely thought she was trying to learn and wasn't trying to be nasty.

I feel like such an idiot now Sad.

Samcro · 19/06/2015 22:28

yep I wonder how many people who were nice and so understanding feel. know it was a PBP.
perhaps people need to be nicer about sn. the they won;t feel bad what ever the out come

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 19/06/2015 22:53

How do you know it was a PBP?

I don't know what you mean by your second point. I have ASD myself so I would never be intentionally mean about other people with SN/disabilities and if I have been I would hope people could tell me so I can learn not to do that.

I think part of my problem is I find it so hard to work out people's intentions so things like whether posters are genuine or being goady gets lost on me sometimes. Then I feel like an idiot when I get it wrong.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 19/06/2015 22:57

Also just a question, but if someone said that autism was just a "silly excuse" for being a certain way or behaving a certain way, would you say that was disabilist?

I would say it is.

Samcro · 19/06/2015 22:58

i am going by what mn hq said it their email

Samcro · 19/06/2015 23:00

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky thats not good that you end up feeling that way. Im sorry but autism isn't my "thing" I live in the CP and wheelchair world.

Samcro · 19/06/2015 23:01

and yes I think if someone said that about autism, I would say they were disablist.
imo it is a reason, not an excuse

PuffinsAreFictitious · 19/06/2015 23:01

If I had a £1 for every person who has said that DS's ASD was just an excuse for bad behaviour or a made up thing or something similar, I'd be able to buy a reasonably nice car.

Yes, is ablist. It implies that their reactions to situations are unreasonable, when, to him, they are proportional and reasonable.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 19/06/2015 23:04

I thought as much.

A few months ago someone did post that it was basically a silly excuse for something but when I reported it I was told it didn't break any guidelines and it was left to stand.

I never understood that but it's not my site.

Samcro · 19/06/2015 23:11

thats why MN HQ need to delete and deal with posters who post stuff like that.
but seeing as their campaign was agist. is won't happen