After the SN-not-in-Active-Convos but only in own link thing...

[hub2dee]

I never see any, because old habits die hard, and I keep clicking 'Active Conversations - All Topics'.

And I think that's a real shame.

Is that just me being dense and lazy ? It's obviously not hard to click the other thing...

I just wish it was integrated into the normal 'view' you get. I don't want to not be able to see it.

Am I alone ?

[Jimjams2]

I;ve gone back to by topics now- things only stay in active convos for about 5 mins- unless its an argument.

exactly twig.

[GoingQuietlyMad]

I am a newcomer and not in any clique (yet - but can't wait to try!). I wondered if it was worth adding my perspective, although I recognise that this is a bit of a clique thread (apols if treading on any toes). I have watched the whole debate unfold and I do feel that the separate SN topic is right.

In fact, me bumping myself into this thread is almost a perfect example of why. Anyone can join in, and sometimes that might be unwelcome. It is one thing in a heated debate that everyone can relate to, but another if someone barges in on what can be very personal and sensitive issues.

The main message boards on MN can be quite lighthearted and the banter can get heated, even about trivial issues.

If I were an SN parent I would really appreciate the extra bit of privacy, and I think it is needed with the size and diversity of the posters on here. New SN parents will quickly find it, and will benefit from the geniune advice and will probably open up quicker with their own issues.

However, I really understand why an old hand would feel very upset that a certain section of the clique have now been separated off. The sad fact is that you can't make everyone happy.

[Cappuccino]

I've just been giving this a lot of thought away from these threads because I didn't want to get all inflammatory and end up peeing people off

so I have New Balanced Thoughts

I used to post on another parenting site which had a separate special needs board - in fact all the boards were separate. And what I noticed there were there were an awful lot - proportionately higher than anything else - children with conditions that had heart difficulties alongside them

here I noticed straightaway that it was different - a lot of parents post on ASD-related conditions

special needs communities are very small, both in rl and online. A few people with children with different conditions will alter the dynamic entirely. Polling people who have 'regularly used the boards' seems a bit unrepresentative - if there were lots more parents of children with CP posting then I would contribute to more threads. New parents will come on and things will change and alter over time.

I think it is a shame that due to some problems in the past - how long is it since someone was maliciously CATed? - and some misunderstandings, the SN community on here are sounding so hostile.

I would like to think that parents whose children are newly diagnosed would immediately know, from active convos, that there is a supportive SN community online here. Before diagnosis why would they click on 'with special needs'? And would they be put off by a community which wants to set itself apart so much?

No, nothing bad has happened to me on mn because of my posting on SN and I really sympathise with those that have had bad experiences. But bad things happen to me and my child in rl, and that will continue. And much of that - bullying, a lack of understanding, a terrible haunting worry that my child will not be treated fairly by her peers as she grows - is down to a society which ostracises and avoids special needs children because it does not know enough about them. And things like this, though ostensibly to help SN parents, in the long term become part of the problem.

[Blossomhill]

This is just another "nt" v sn (sigh)

I can't understand the amount of hostility tbh.

It's awful

[Jimjams2]

That's why I would suggest going back at least a month to poll cap- so that it gets everyone who uses the boards (rather than lurks).

I do agree that different disabilities give a very different experience. I actually loathe the rush to inclusion (at expense of separate SN activities- as is happening in our local community) because it reduces dramatically the things my son can access. Educating the public would never alter that- we need the separate SN world. (For example he has never been to the cinema because no-one is going to tolerate him repeatedly rushing up to sniff the screen-and they shouldn't have to- and he'd scream if not allowed to- if we had a SN session we could teach the appropraite use of the cinema in a safe environment then transfer to mainstream. Swimming- we go weekly as a family- with employed help- BECAUSE there's a SN session). So I'm all for separate SN communities- we really don't take him to any mainstream stuff at all anymore- either because he can't tolerate it, or because his behaviour just isn't appropriate. If we do go (say to a family event in a hotel) then we have extra people and take it in turns to walk around with him outside (becuase he won't stay inside- not because he's not welcome).

I do know what you mean about not wanting to be sidelined but I don't really see how taking out of active convos does that. The "regulars" still post (including non SN posters). If people have to purposely look- maybe they're more likely to post. I do find it a bit odd that lots of people would always look and never post- if indeed that was happening.I was posting on SN boards way before dx (found via topics), so I don't think it would have to put off potential punters. And if it makes people less likely to be upset by someone misjudging a post then surely that's a good thing?

As I said though I don't rerally use Active Convos as they're not active for long enough now, so that sort of change makes very little difference to threads that I see. Which is perhaps why I don't reallly see it as a big deal, or as that exclusive. If someone only ever looks at active convos then they would miss threads- but they'd miss a lot of other threads as well!

[Tiggiwinkle]

I agree with Cappuccino and QoQ that new users will not necessarily immediately realise about the seperate SN button.
I also feel that there are some instances where a child does not have immediately recognisable SNs-I am thinking of high functioning autism and Aspergers, for example-and before diagnosis a parent may not necessarily think of looking on SNs. But if they get some inkling that their childs behaviours may be attributable to, for instance, AS from reading about another posters child, and that leads perhaps to them seeking an assessment, surely that can only be a good thing?

[Blandmum]

I honestly do see what is hard about clicking on a different button. It is just a slight reminder that posts on SN may well have a different 'flavour' to the rest of the board.

I still read the SN board, still post on times. Both mine are NT.....ds may have some mild sen, have booked the ed psychs appointment this week. never felt 'unwelcome'. Didn't before the change, don't now

[2Shoes]

i came here because of the sn board as it was recommended to me(on another site). took me ages to venture outside

[Jimjams2]

I don't WANT to be segregated- but I AM. In real life, in parenting and evereything. I DO sometimes want to discuss things in an area where people realise straight away that they're talking about somethihg other than the norm. That's all. Anyone can post- lots of people withoput children with SN always have done and continue to do so. I have to say that many complaining loudly about the change (which was experimental) never posted before the change either as far as I know. People like Twiglett- who have always posted don't feel sidelined at all by the changes- surely if it was genuinely saying butt out then it would be peopole like twig getting the hump (and I for one would be very concerned).

[Jimjams2]

I don't WANT to be segregated- but I AM. In real life, in parenting and evereything. I DO sometimes want to discuss things in an area where people realise straight away that they're talking about somethihg other than the norm. That's all. Anyone can post- lots of people withoput children with SN always have done and continue to do so. I have to say that many complaining loudly about the change (which was experimental) never posted before the change either as far as I know. People like Twiglett- who have always posted don't feel sidelined at all by the changes- surely if it was genuinely saying butt out then it would be peopole like twig getting the hump (and I for one would be very concerned).

[Jimjams2]

MB- same category as twiglett- always posted on SN- doesn't feel unwelcome now. Which to be honest is good enough for me.

[coppertop]

I honestly don't understand why/how clicking on another button means that people suddenly feel unwelcome? Everyone is welcome. When I see threads within the SN board on SNs that I have no direct experience of I don't feel unwelcome. I might not always post on them because I have nothing useful or relevant to add but know that no-one would think I was intruding if I did post words of support or encouragement.

[Blandmum]

I don't think that JJ has ever said that? Has she? She simply says that because of the degree and nature of her son's SN, they feel excluded.

And from teaching children with ASD, I have to say that this is far from uncommon. Which is sad, but it emphatically not the families wishing to be exclusive, pressure dictates that it is so.

[TheHighwayCod]

fio


STEP AWAY

[Jimjams2]

Oh FGS - I was responding in some depth to Cap's post- because it's something she has said a lot over the last few weeks, and it's something I do understand. I do understand what she is getting at, I was only trying to show (sympathetically I thought) it can be different, and was expanding on a point she had made. I was taking the time to write that stuff because I know that feeling excluded has upset her- and funnily enough it does bother me if she doesn't feel comfortable posting. The problem is that there are other people who feel more comfortable posting with the change (which was why I suggested a vote of people who use the board regularly- or occasionally).

Anyway ultimately I don't think that making it easier for people to realise they are posting on SN excludes anyone. I also do not think it's that difficult to click on a different button. So I don't see it as exclusive. Many people seem quite capable of choosing not to view for sale for example.