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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I thought you were better than this MNHQ

69 replies

MissyMistress402 · 27/04/2015 20:21

Deleting a suicidal womans thread.

'We don't allow this kind of thread on MN'

Please do go into the whys of this as I am shocked and appalled that you pressed your big red button.

If that was genuine and she dies, her blood is on your hands. Shame shame shame on you!

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 27/04/2015 21:13

You have re earned a well done op Smile.

ThatBloodyWoman · 27/04/2015 21:16

Missy I can see you posted with good intention -that is,caring about someone in trouble.
I'm sure others can see that,and see that your op was worded as such because you were upset and worried for the poster on the deleted post.

catzpyjamas · 27/04/2015 21:33

I reported a thread just a few days before MNHQ posted that back in October. The OP in the thread I reported was threatening imminent suicide. I only saw it as it was in Active Threads and tried to help by posting links to professional support services but no advice as I was terrified I'd say the wrong thing.
I honestly had a sleepless night after reading the OPs story and felt totally useless. I wasn't back on MN for a while after that.
The vast majority of us MNers are not trained to deal with these situations and there is a risk of making things worse so I think MNHQ are right in the decision to delete the thread and pass on details of trained counselling services.

Butterflywings168 · 27/04/2015 21:36

I had this done to me. A thread was deleted.
I got no warning, wasn't informed, nothing.
The policy isn't clear - a 'clear' statement of intent' is very, very subjective. A statement from a very emotional, distressed and unwell poster may not be clear and some people may overreact.
In my case I basically said the same as Orchard. Sad
It wasn't a threat/ flounce/ to manipulate and get sympathy. It was looking for support.
I kept checking the thread, had someone actually posted or PM-ed or even MNHQ e-mailed to say hey, worried, do you mean you are about to act I would've replied.
Tbh I felt awful. I already felt like an awful person.

Also if someone is silly enough to get overinvested and rush to the aid of some random person on the Internet that is their lookout.
That is so victim-blaming and the implication is that a suicidal person will take advantage or even harm them is so hurtful.

People can post live threads that they are a victim of DV, their dc has a life-threatening illness, they have no money and they and dc are starving just for eg which are equally distressing to read.
No-one HAS to read any thread.

It is very unfair to put the responsibility on someone who is very distressed and unwell to basically manage other people's reaction to that.

But I get the idea. People with MH issues are scum who will harm others and/ or just post to be manipulative and get attention. Thanks. Stigma is alive and well.

WorraLiberty · 27/04/2015 21:37

I thought the same as you once upon a time OP, until it was explained to me Smile

I think HQ'a policy is right for all the reasons given already.

And imagine if some nasty trolling bastard told them to 'just do it'.

It's happened on other internet forums Sad

Ubik1 · 27/04/2015 21:38

Butterflywings

No one has said anything of the kind on this thread.

Crocodopolis · 27/04/2015 21:39

I agree with MN's policy - it seems well though-out and sensible to me.

CamelHump · 27/04/2015 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleDaisies · 27/04/2015 21:44

People with MH issues are scum who will harm others and/ or just post to be manipulative and get attention. Thanks. Stigma is alive and well.

No one has said anything like that. Everyone has been concerned about the poster. The policy is there to protect actively suicidal people from unhelpful (if well meaning) comments that might push them over the edge. Other organisations are much better equipped to provide help and support. I saw the deletion message which was kindly written and directed the poster to seek help from the Samaritans.

Mintyy · 27/04/2015 21:45

Butterflywings168 - the message is, simply, that suicidal folk would be way better off placing their trust in the hands of people they actually know, health professionals, or and organisation like the Samaritans who are trained to help them.

Mumsnet is not the best place for you if you are suicidal. For a start, any vindictive person could post on your thread and make you feel worse, just because they feel like it!

It is quite wrong to accuse Mumsnet or Mumsnetters of thinking that people with MH issues are "scum". That is quite simply not the case at all.

morethanpotatoprints · 27/04/2015 21:51

I agree with the policy because there are trained professionals to deal with this.
The deletions are kind and direct to Samaritans.
I believe the best help for anybody in this position.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 27/04/2015 22:02

Also if someone is silly enough to get overinvested and rush to the aid of some random person on the Internet that is their lookout.

What do you call over-invested in the case of a person threatening suicide on an Internet forum?

Would it be posting one comment? Checking in to see if the OP is still posting and alive?
Asking MNHQ to track the persons IP address to call an ambulance?

I speak from the standpoint of a formerly suicidal in-patient when I say that there's a huge difference between posting 'My life is so bad, it's not worth going on, I'm about to take a handful of pills' as opposed to 'I'm feeling really low, can anyone offer support'.

MNHQ have my full support on this one.

Adarajames · 27/04/2015 22:03

A slight aside, recent MH first aid training (as part of my voluntary role), we were asked to use the terms 'attempting' and 'completing' suicide, as it's no longer a crime it was felt that using term 'committing' may help continue the stigma associated with suicide. End aside.

As a result of that training, I agree even more with the MN policy of removing threads regarding active suicide thoughts

Butterflywings168 · 27/04/2015 22:15

OK, perhaps I overreacted! It's an emotional subject.

Camel, of course some subhuman telling me to do it would've been distressing. (I'm somewhat better now and can only imagine thinking I was sorry for them, but when in a bad place, of course it would have really hurt). I would hope though that that would be deleted quickly and other posters would've handed their ass to them! I don't necessarily agree with that being a reason to delete the entire thread. Someone vulnerable could get trolled by sick people on a thread about anything.

Someone said: It's not just about someone having thoughts of suicide. It's the safety of other people too - does the person have children in the house? What are they planning? Could this cause harm to other people? for eg but yeah, OK, most people didn't say anything like that. (We all unconsciously have prejudices and assumptions of all kinds without realising...not to sidetrack though.)

I still don't agree with policy - well that aspect, I agree actual 'live' threads shouldn't stand. I will have a think about people's points though. It's a complex issue.
It was having no message/ explanation that most upset me.

Butterflywings168 · 27/04/2015 22:22

TheWild -
What do you call over-invested in the case of a person threatening suicide on an Internet forum? Would it be posting one comment? No Checking in to see if the OP is still posting and alive? No
Asking MNHQ to track the persons IP address to call an ambulance? Yes.

I speak from the standpoint of a formerly suicidal in-patient when I say that there's a huge difference between posting 'My life is so bad, it's not worth going on, I'm about to take a handful of pills' as opposed to 'I'm feeling really low, can anyone offer support'. Of course there is! But there's so many posts somewhere in-between. The first I agree shouldn't be allowed to stand. I'm just saying it's not that simple to draw the line. Would just 'it's not worth going on' be acceptable? One person could interpret that as serious intent, another as 'just' feeling very low and wanting support. This kind of thing I think the policy needs more work on.

ragged · 27/04/2015 22:32

It's not about people like you Butterfly, because you're a lot more than a person who was in that bad place however frequently or for however long. A suicidal tendency isn't a whole person. The policy is just about being in that bad place, the best way to help when someone is there.

Not sure I even agree with the policy either, I suppose it might be best.

Ubik1 · 28/04/2015 07:31

Butterfly

That's not about prejudice, how dare you.

Ubik1 · 28/04/2015 07:35

Sorry I don't want to upset you but Part if the work I used to do was talking to people who were suicidal. And part of this is making sure everyone is kept safe.

Sorry it's a difficult subject but those questions are not about stigma of prejudice they are about ensuring everyone is safe.

But your misunderstanding illustrates why these threads are better off dealt with off the boards by professionals.

MNHQ
BeccaMumsnet · 28/04/2015 11:16

Hi there MissyMistress402 - we're sorry you are unhappy with the removal of this thread. Following lots of feedback from MNetters and speaking to professionals in this field, we set out our policy for threads of this nature back in October last year.

After talks with Mind and the Samaritans, following on from this thread, it was decided that threads which expressed clear statements of intent would be removed and the poster directed to the Samaritans and urged to seek real life help.

Take a look at IonaMumsnet's post here for further info. It is not something we take lightly at all and we look at each case in turn.

We do hope this has helped to clarify our decision.

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