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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

The threads about the "D"H and the 1000s of emails

102 replies

owlbegoing · 13/10/2014 17:15

Both threads have disappeared from my threads I'm watching list.
Have they been deleted?
I hope the OP is ok

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 13/10/2014 18:05

Oh I am shocked at that one :(

I guess there was something in the very limited way she was posting, never quite enough info and always a bit too restrained.

I should watch out for that tonality a bit more. I tend to think the OP is being careful or is too upset to post more - but unfortuneately it's more likely she's posting just enough to get reactions.

Bugger.

gointothewoods · 13/10/2014 18:05

I would have thought that these conferences have thousands of attendees, possibly even tens of thousands. Mentioning that this woman and the DH were at the same conference is hardly outing them.
I didn't get a troll vibe at all. The OP seemed very well versed in Mumsnet speak and very genuinely trying to keep her head in a difficult situation. I felt it was all very believable.

AlbaGuBrath · 13/10/2014 18:05

I actually wondered that also. I haven't been on for a few days and missed the dramatic additions. Can anyone summarise? I got to her husband basically saying that he wasn't engaging in naughty webcam shenanigans but if he wanted to he could do it with anyone.

Would be shocked if she was a bridge dwellers. What an absolute waste of peoples time who were genuinely trying to offer support.

daisychain01 · 13/10/2014 18:06

Hopefully when MNHQ have done their investigations they can confirm if the OP just needed privacy or if they weren't who they said they were. Goodness knows how they suss it all out!

SouthernComforts · 13/10/2014 18:07

Wow I thought my trolldar was quite good. Apparently not.

Panad · 13/10/2014 18:09

O really!!? Gutted. Feel like I have just wasted 4 days of my time now. :(

daisychain01 · 13/10/2014 18:11

Being careful about not doing a TAAT, but just to say none of what the OP had put in the thread was sensationalist, quite low key - she didn't try to drum up hysteria. And the information she provided was quite limited to what she had found out from her DH and seemed to just be trying to make sense of it all.

I think if people read it, actually it could have been quite a revelation, and the advice was so sound, I hope that if only one or two readers gained something, then the benefit isn't completely lost.

I guess she could have kept trickle-feeding it like that for weeks .... and therein lies the mystery, whether it was for the 'long haul', rather than a quick few days of sensation and over with.

thisismypassword · 13/10/2014 18:15

I agree with daisychain01: If one person going through something similar was able to take the advice given and apply it to their own lives/problems, then it wasn't a wasted post.

HeySoulSister · 13/10/2014 18:16

The fat shaming by stealth was what made me wonder

NanFucker · 13/10/2014 18:17

Sounded believable to me.... Weird

FeelingIrie · 13/10/2014 18:24

Shocked and confused face here. Very odd.

Camolips · 13/10/2014 18:34

I'm amazed that ops can follow all their lies if they make it up. It sounded genuine to me, some of op's responses were slightly odd but I put that down to her world being turned upside down.

WannaBe · 13/10/2014 18:39

if yo're writing stuff down though it's easy to follow them, because they're all there in writing. I'm never surprised when a troll is outed, even one who seems plausible.

But tbh it's naïve to think that all trolls will be spotted - by the law of averages there will be some who never are.

wombat22 · 13/10/2014 18:40

I think I'll reserve judgement. If it was made up the op could have made it so much more dramatic. Guess i may be proved to be gullible Shock

Mrsfrumble · 13/10/2014 18:45

Wow! I'm shocked by this. I hadn't posted on the thread because
I didn't have anything helpful to say but I was following it and really felt for the OP.

If it was a hoax I can at least commend her (or his) creative writing skills.

Panad · 13/10/2014 18:50

Being naïve here, what do people get out of doing something like that though? Is it possible that the OW in question has read the thread and recognised herself and knows something about the OP that we don't?
Just wondering.

AlbaGuBrath · 13/10/2014 18:53

I guess they get attention. Attention they possibly crave and don't get in RL. God knows!

Mrsfrumble · 13/10/2014 18:53

Thinking about this... Presumably MNHQ can track name changes, so if someone claims to be a regular who has NCed for the purpose of starting thread they can tell if the poster is telling the truth.

And the main reason that people mention their 'regular' status is to gain trust I guess, so fibbing about it would automatically raise a flag.

Estcal · 13/10/2014 18:55

I was starting to get an odd feeling about it.
The thread contained 3 notorious MN hot button topics - porn, fat shaming, and men's rights (the removal of contraception without telling the DH). Any one of those topics can get teeth gnashing here, lo and behold one thread had all 3 !

I think it must be a very strange/sad existence for someone who will spend so much time concocting a story, then typing it all out and then sitting back and being entertained or whatever it is they get out of it.

WannaBe · 13/10/2014 18:56

if there was a chance the op was genuine mn would lock the thread while they "investigated," they've done that before.

As to why people do these sorts of things, well generally it's because they can. After all this is the internet, you can be whatever you want to be, a high flying professional; have a husband and a couple of kids; a legal expert (judge flounce anyone?) or you can simply be going through a hard time which will bring you attention.

I used to be a moderator on another website, and I uncovered a troll who had made up at least four different personas over a period of about five years, all with debilitating disabilities/illnesses, had befriended people within the community she was part of (many of whom were vulnerable/going through similar), and just as the friendships deepened to the point of a potential meeting she killed them off, causing major upset/outpouring of sympathy on the site. And of course once her current persona had died, the only way she could gain more attention/adoration was to invent a new one. The worst of it is that I know who she is in rl, and while I've never met her, I know several people who have.

Lots of people say these people have mh issues, but tbh many are so calculating that I can't bring myself to have any sympathy for them.

Estcal · 13/10/2014 18:57

Yes mrsfrumble good point. I did NC for contributions to that thread, for reasons I don't want to go into. But HQ can easily check my account and see that I have a regular posting name that I've used for quite some time.

Panad · 13/10/2014 18:58

But someone would have had to report the thread presumably and most of us believed it to be true although it did seem a little far fetched.

Estcal · 13/10/2014 18:59

Just realised I'm still NC'd so I may as well change back now the thread's dead!

Romeyroo · 13/10/2014 19:19

I don't know, I did stop believing it at some point yesterday, along with my expressed concern that the OP was in danger of breaching the 'OW's confidentiality. I really hope this was not an attempt to smear someone in the public eye.

WannaBe · 13/10/2014 19:28

but often the people who report aren't the people who post on the thread. I've often reported threads without having posted on them, sometimes they turn out to be trolls, sometimes mn hq can't find any evidence that they are (just because there isn't evidence doesn't mean a thread/poster is real).

I didn't report this one fwiw but I did think it was all a bit Hmm once talk of paris and twitter came into the equation...