Come and talk to us (and Gransnetters) about the perimenopause

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

As most of you will know, we've got a sister site, Gransnet, which recently celebrated its third birthday .

GNers have a wealth of experience in areas that some MNers may only just be starting to think about, or experience personally, and we thought it might be interesting (and, hopefully, fun ) to open up a conversation between the members of the two sites on some of these topics.

One issue that leapt out at us (or, perhaps more accurately, sidled up to us gradually as we entered the prime of life) is the perimenopause: a period of time before and after the transition into the menopause, when women may start to experience symptoms such as irregular periods, sleeplessness, changes in sex drive and vaginal dryness/itching, emotional ups and downs and so on. (Or may not, of course!)

Lots of GNers have been there and done that so far as the menopause is concerned, so we thought this might be a useful opportunity for MNers to ask some them any questions you may have, and for members of both sites to share some experience, hard-won knowledge and support.

Of course there will be MNers who know lots about the menopause and perimenopause, and GNers who have yet to experience either, so feel free to ask, answer, or both.

There's a parallel thread running on Gransnet; we'll cross-post some questions and answers between the two, but do get yourself a Gransnet log-in and pop over to say hello if you fancy it.

So... what have you always wanted to know about the perimenopause, but have been too afraid to ask?

We don't all go on that long Sheherazade. Mine had stopped by about 47 and had been infrequent in the preceding couple of years.

I'm 49 and as regular as fucking clockwork!

Thanks for lending us your wisdom, Gransnetters. I'm 50 and think the 'peri' bit is probably a thing of the past. I have vit D deficiency and am riddled with arthritis so accept that bodily pain is probably a permanent feature now.

But emotionally I'm not doing great - this may be down to constantly being massively overstressed and knackered, of course. I don't think I"m a very nice mum at the moment. Does HRT help lift the mood as well? Is it worth a try before looking at other solutions?

Fondasharing - Thank you I have found this very helpful. I have been feeling rubbish for months. Have joined a gym and go 3 times a week, watch what I eat but no improvement. Not keen to try HRT so will definitely have a look at the books you recommend. There are so many books available and it is difficult to know where to start so thanks for the pointer.

Yes, Devora HRT, did lift my mood and make me feel better in every respect. I did have a return to flushes and all the rest when I came off it, but it got me through the last years of a demanding job. Once I retired, I could cope.

Thanks to all who have shared your experiences.

This is on my mind but I'm not sure whether I should go to the GP or not. Because I have the Mirena coil, there are no periods, but what I have noticed in the last year or so (I am 44)

Increased PMT -crying, anger
Feeling like the beginning of cystitis, but which isn't amounting to cystitis -pain, feeling of urgency
Weight gain- about half a stone, no discernible reason
Migraine, also apparently cyclical
No libido

I feel quite down about it, but I know my moods well and I don't think this is psychological

Q: (especially to anyone who had had a lot of problems with pms triggering mental health problems - re: severe rather than just a bit bleurgh and to those unable to use HRT).

the pill really helped my pmt problems and made a huge difference to my mental health until a savvy young doctor picked up on the fact that i had a history of aura migraine and so should not be taking the pill at all due to a double whammy stroke risk. this means that when the time comes HRT is ruled out for me also.

i suppose my concern is having had hormonally related mental health problems in my late twenties through to mid 30's which now are relatively settled (via anti depressants and taking agnus castus ((highly recommended - has taken me from cycles between 38-48 days long with weeks of pmt before they arrive to on average 30-33 day long cycles with minimal pmt)) and possibly just getting past the big fertility drive hormone stage) does that mean i'm likely to have all hell break lose again when the menopause era hits?

also if i can't take the pill or hrt what options will be available to me? i can't even use the mini pill which would have been safer stroke risk wise because progesterone turned me even more crazy and suicidal - joy

so yes if anyone with mental health issues with a hormonal edge to them has been through menopause i'd love to hear their experiences and i would also seriously recommend high dose agnus castus to all women with any issues around their cycle or the menopause - in some countries it's actually prescribed for everything from pcos to pms to heavy periods. it works upon the pituatory gland and has honestly been a miracle for me.

From JessM on Gransnet:

"A suggestion for bellbookandcandle to pass on - maybe go on the pill for a couple of years. But in any case, talk to doctor!"

From sussexpoet on Gransnet:

"I've been very interested reading about all your experiences. I entered menopause very suddenly at age 43 (which was early in my family) with a massive hot flush at work one day. Didn 't want to ever have another one - and indeed couldn't afford to with kids to feed and a mortgage to pay - so went onto HRT which I found wonderful. I only stopped taking it after 20 years! and then went onto natural supplements. I still think menopause itself is marvellous - no more periods (mine were always heavy and painful), no more fiddling around with contraception (I had always been embarrassingly fertile). Now aged 76, I have a very good sex life with a loving partner.
As for the often much exaggerated scare stories about HRT, have you every noticed that they were almost identical to those about the contraceptive pill? i.e. anything that makes women's lives easier must per se be bad!"

trouble is not everyone can have HRT or the pill. sure the benefits will outweigh the risks for most but the risks are real and i think it would be reckless not to make people aware. i don't think that is about being anti women. the pill after all creates as much if not more benefit to men than it does women and does indeed have health risks when effectively used condoms are just as safe and do not risk women's health.

Im so pleased and grateful to have found this thread.

My hot flushes started about 6 months ago and I was hoping I could get through without HRT but Im finding it so hard, especially when it happens in a business meeting, I feel so vulnerable. My libido has disappeared and when we do have sex its very painful. I also ache although I am trying to ignore that and have upped my exercise regime.

All in all its pretty horrible, and I have had to reduce my wine intake

My mum who is 76 still gets flushes so its never going to go away.

I have been to my GP and have a packet of Prempak C waiting for me to take but I keep looking at them and haven't opened the pack yet.

Thanks everyone. I'm off to my GP next week to ask about HRT as I'm definitely perimenopausal now and my mum had an early menopause so I'm concerned about my bone health.

The first sign for me was my thyroid going hyper and then hypo. I also started to get a few hot flushes which stopped when I started taking Agnus Castus. I now take the Black Cohosh and Chasteberry Herbal Tincture from Fushi Wellbeing which is amazing.

My last period consisted of horrendous flooding. I thought it would never stop and was thinking of going to A&E but thankfully it did.

Thanks EmilyAlice. I'm off to beg my GP for HRT...

I'm definitely in the throes of perimenopause and have been for several years now.

I'm one of the ones who periods become closer together and heavier. However I'm also one of the lucky ones with a female GP my own age. I was put on a course of Ferrous fumarate to rectify my anaemia, which had got pretty scary by the time I went to see my doctor, and Tranexemic acid to control the heavy blood loss. I actually had my review appointment today, I've come away with instructions not to worry about the anaemia any more as it's gone (which I'd realised, as I was no longer falling asleep on the sofa at the drop of a hat) but to keep on with the Tranexamic acid. The pills are ENORMOUS, you need a whisky glass of water to knock each one back and my dose is four! However they are absolutely brilliant, I've gone from needing to change sanpro every half hour to one normal towel lasting 12 hours. And the dose is on days one, two and three of the cycle, so I still get 23 days drug free (26 day cycle)

The hot flush shite is a PITA, thanks Gransnetters upthread for some ideas on how to cope with it.

I think there should be a thread for post menopausal women only to post on to say what happened in the end.

I posted many panicky threads on the Menopause Matters website (very good) at the time but am post menopausal now and feeling pretty good but older but then I am older. It's 5 years since I came off HRT and to be honest I feel great really. A bit more forgetful, a bit stiffer, but a bit more selfish (not feeling obliged to put others first) which is a good thing and a bit more happier.

So a reassuring thread where postms can explain that yes, some of the side effects weren't nice but if I'd known how long they were going to last I'd not have complained so loudly!

From jinglbellsfrocks on Gransnet:

"Fluoxetine could help. Ask your doctor what he/she thinks."

From annodomini:

"There is nothing inevitable about the menopause. Some women get through it with minimal symptoms - I was one of them (without HRT) and perhaps you will be as well. If you get worried about it beforehand, you will be more likely to be anxious when the time comes. Meanwhile, if you must anticipate it, you should have a word with a doctor - preferably a female one - and discuss your options."

From JessM:

"Inevitable for some but not for lucky others anno - but I agree no point stressing out about it in advance."

You can find the thread on Gransnet here: www.gransnet.com/forums/ask_a_gran/a1207427-Perimenopause-Mumsnet-Gransnet-share-the-knowledge

Thank you one and all.

I'm 43 and am definitely changing. My mood swings have been off the scale and although I know I'm being unreasonable it's very difficult to control them (I was really ready to kill anyone who came near me a couple of months ago and had to take myself off!), but I don't like it. I have started taking Agnus Castus which has been making me feel better, but it doesn't seem widely available now (I'd bought it a while ago and not bothered taking it).

Anyway, it's great to know that there's support out there. Sounds silly really when all our peers are going through it too, but you know what I mean!

Can anybody describe what happens during a hot flush? If it happens at work, do you have to hide in the loos? Do you need to lie down?

I think hot flushes can be different for different people, mine are not noticeable to anyone but me. I get a hot feeling rush that starts at my feet and wooshes up to my head but I don't sweat or go red. I can carry on with my job easily although it's uncomfortable it doesn't affect my ability.
It feels almost more like a rush of adrenaline so can leave me a bit tired for a while.

Sorry to post without reading the rest of the thread to see if my questions have been answered.

I have had a short cycle for the last ten years (24/5 days), had a baby through IVF three years ago, and am now getting cycles which vary from between 21 days (Sobs) to 30 days. My periods are REALLY heavy.

I wondered if this is a symptom of the peri-menopause?

Agree with these grand net comments. I was fine, as I said upthread. No loss of libido, no other symptoms you could ascribe to it really.

Periods one month, then a couple of alternate months, and that was it.

I agree it isn't worth stressing in advance.

I'm feeling quite lucky in that my periods just seem to have stopped, haven't had one for 10 months now but still remain prepared at all times.Also my hot flushes are annoying but not incapacitating, just the joint pain, tiredness, weight gain and hairiness which again are just annoying.

How does your skin go after menopause?

Having suffered with varying degrees of acne since being a teenager - I am hoping for some reprieve once i get into or past menopause?

Am currently 46 - and still have the skin of a teenager, but with a few added wrinkles and crepiness.

I didn't phrase my question very well. Sorry.

I meant to say - if you have an oily skin, does it dry out after menopause?