Mumsnet Christmas Appeal - suggestions please

[JustineMumsnet]

Following on from a couple of threads discussing the Christmas appeal over the weekend, I thought we should post our thoughts on things.

First we're really sorry if not being nominated for this year's appeal has made anyone feel bad or left out. Obviously it's the opposite of why we do it but the truth is there will always be deserving people who, for whatever reason - frequent namechanges or pure and simple oversight - will be overlooked.

Over the years the Xmas appeal really has brought a lot of joy both to the givers and receivers of gifts - this is a typical post/mail from a giver:

"It is a wonderful thing this Santa business. It totally dispels the idea that Mumsnet is no more than words on a screen and shatters the notion of the pit of vipers. Since being matched with you, not a day has passed when I haven't thought of you and your family. Your posts shine with warmth, humour and love for your family. You are a remarkable woman. For me, it has been more than sending a little something: you have made me really think about what Christmas should be.
So I thank you too, and will raise a glass to you and yours on Christmas Day. Much love to you all"

As Christmas becomes every more about consumption we think the appeal for many is a reminder of what it is really all about. It certainly is for us at MNHQ and consequently we are very happy to put a lot of MNHQ resource into the operation; SandyMumsnet pretty much devotes a month of time to it.

Clearly it doesn't operate optimally for everyone, but net net, it really is a good thing I believe. That said we'd value suggestions about how you think we could do it better. We took over the operation of the appeal only because it was becoming too big a job for any individual - but it was conceived by Mumsnetters for Mumsnetters and exists pretty much in the same form as that original idea.

Do let us know your thoughts and suggestions here.

As a guy who's less into this type of thing can I offer an outsider's viewpoint? I see several issues here:

1. there are Mumsnetters who are genuinely having a really hard time and who would really benefit materially or psychologically from the positive stroke that a Christmas Appeal pressie would bring..

2. there are Mumsnetters who have nice lives and material, physical and mental health but who are deserving for their generosity of spirit and largesse.

Many Mumsnetters fall between the two stools - just as in life many of us do in various ways. Harsh as it might sound, that is life! I do not think that as adults we can spend our time feeling aggrieved because we have not been nominated for whatever reason. It is the way of the world that some people will get recognised for their goodly deeds or indeed for needing help when the chips are down, but equally others quietly do their thing and never receive any positive strokes at all.

It is difficult for MumsnetHQ or indeed fellow Mumsnetters always to know who exactly is in real need and who isn't. Need is comparative and as various Mumsnetters have remarked, they've had shitty times, not been nominated but been happy to give to others. There will also be some opportunistic, 'entitled' types (although not many one hopes) who may then seem ungrateful that they haven't got what they feel they deserve....Others will have been nominated but not actually feel they wish to receive the pressies (VicarInATutu springs to mind if only because I read her related thread t'other day) and would prefer to pass on the nomination....

It is a minefield for MumsnetHQ - I am not sure there is a simple answer other than to stop the practice, but that goes so much against the grain of what Mumsnet means to most Mumsnetters.

I would suggest keeping it entirely 'Secret Santa/Satan' is probably the way forward. I would also recommend that recipients should fulfill some membership criteria - been Mumsnetters for a given time frame (six months or more?) and be active members. And maybe thanks should be done via PM to MumsnetHQ rather than on a distinct thread which might raise issues of "not fair, she/he got more than me..."

I feel your pain MumsnetHQ .

As deXavia also says, it would be great if Local Editors could be aware of local Mumsnetters in particular need and funnel stuff from locals with overflowing houses towards them.

RatherBeOnThePiste Thank you, your post has made me feel a bit better about it all. I'm trying to get the magic back.

I can't tell you what it meant to me to get that email saying I had been nominated. To know that one person felt I was worth enough to take te time to nominate me etc means more than I will ever be able to say

All this though is slowly spoiling it for me. I feel like I have somehow done something wrong by being fortunate enough to get a nomination and think actually I don't deserve it

FairyJen, that is exactly how I feel. But I have been made to see that the dissenters that pushed me into feeling this way are actually the minority and/or just stirring up trouble for the fun of it. Which in itself is shit - but much more easily ignored.

Feel better x

Fuck me, I added a kiss. Please ignore the kiss - I don't DO kisses

I don't agree that MNHQ should have seen the issues up front. A loy of this stuff only comes with the benefit of hindsight. I'm not sure it would be possible to predict that people would complain about feeling left out given how shocked others are by that. MNHQ have many remarkable powers but mind reading and clairvoyance are (probably) not among them.

Too late - we've all seen it now!

snurk

Real Lols at LtEve

thanks lteve I shall treasure ignore that x

Sorry you were made to feel the same. I shall ignore the humbugs like you suggested but its a shame this has happend

LetsFace, ok there is an element of truth to that although "some people are whiny bastards" is not exactly a shocker ;) I meant more that the word "appeal" could have been interrogated more carefully in this context. MNHQ run a brand, they are brand people, they are very careful and analytic about things like this when it suits them, this one slipped through the net and could / should have been more elegantly managed, in the manner of a wise hostess who is strategic about presents are distributed at a Christmas party when not everyone is getting one - I know, I know, people who would take offence at that are pathetic, but it is still the hostess's job to be clever about it to make sure that the people who are getting one can enjoy it without being tainted by bad feeling

I think it is awful that people are sat there thinking 'I've had shit year why don't I get anything'. Really, really awful. Grabby, rude and that MN buzzword 'entitled'.

Posts saying 'oh wow thanks for nominating me' should be banned, as should all the posts on the initial thread saying 'I've signed up to donate, check me out with generosity'.

What should also be banned is what I saw last year for the first time 'eek I'm just about set off for the post office with my ten parcels, I'm so excited and want everyone to know how much effort I've gone to

None of that is about the spirit of Christmas, or MN. It is show-offy and horrid.

I think the method for nominating this year was a good one - the ability to say that you were nominating someone because they were a) a good egg and a little nod to that would be lovely, or b) also a good egg but really going to struggle to give their kids a good Christmas for whatever reason and could do with some serious material help.

I do see what your saying ali but reading the warm fuzzy thread where people are excited about sending parcels and the thank you thread have become part of my xmas tradition. I sit with a hot choc and a massive box of tissues an have a good read. It would be a shame to lose that side of things.

I don't see it as showing off as such more people just enjoying the festive cheer - a bit like when we all say what we are getting dc and how excited they will be etc

The thank you thread is fine, and lovely. But I really don't think that collective back-slapping about how generous people have been is on - which is what the 'I'm excited about posting' thread turned into. It was utterly vulgar.

There was a thread right back when this launched this year with people saying that they felt awful because their homemade gifts or re-gifted toys seemed so meagre in comparison with people boasting about how much they were sending. What didn't help was that recipients didn't thank for those small and heartfelt gifts.

Somewhere along the way, the spirit of this has gone awry. And have I read correctly that self-nomination is allowed? I'm sorry but that is awful, just awful!

There is nothing to stop MNers from doing this privately, without fanfare and independently of HQ.

This is going on. And it went on last year and the year before.

Far too many people needing their largesse acknowledged I think. That is not the spirit of giving.

Jen it is very different from people saying what they are getting for their DC. Although those threads also irritate me with people equating money/quantity of gifts with love.

Far too many people needing their largesse acknowledged I think. That is not the spirit of giving

This.

^^ YY to this. You either give freely or don't give at all.

"Donations" is also misleading in exactly the same way that "appeal" is, suggesting some officially sanctioned Good Cause.

If I give someone something at Christmas because I like them, or feel grateful, or kind, then it is a present not a donation.

Remember -- it was the difference between "donations" and "presents" that got the Railway Children into mortifying trouble with stationmaster Bernard Cribbins!

In fact this whole Mumsnet controversy reminds me of that toe-curling episode in the Railway Children -- their puzzled shocked little faces when they tried to Do Something Nice and it all went wrong. Perhaps the appeal could be renamed the Bobby, Phyllis and Peter Memorial Fund?

Failing that, perhaps the MN Christmas Stocking? Corny, but it does what it says on the tin.

I've never seen any of the "I've Been Nominated" or "I've donated X" or "Thanks You" threads because they aren't vey interesting to me

so I don't have an opinion about them, but I do think the basic idea is jolly and sound and it annoys me that grinches want to piss on it.

So basically we need to call it

Christmas: it's nice to give a shit. By Mnetters for Mnetters?

I love the MN Christmas Appeal, and think it's one of the loveliest things that MN organise.

However, it might be good to change the name so that people aren't confused with a charity appeal.

Do people really want shits?