Madmouse's open letter to MNHQ about the treatment of those with disabilities on MN

[madmouse]

Dear MNHQ

I joined MN when I was pregnant with my lovely ds. That heady autumn with bump before such words as NICU, neonatal seizures, brain damage, cerebral palsy, speech delay, special school entered my vocabulary.

That was 5 whole years ago - and all that time MN has been a part of my life. Got a lot of support from my ante- and postnatal buddies and from experienced SN mums. Gave back where I could. Became ill with PTSD, found the MH threads, recovered, started to give support on the MH threads.

Now I've come to the point that the only thing stopping me from leaving MN is that I would let down people on the MH threads. Other than that your (MNHQ) behaviour today has been an eye opener and a bit of a final straw.

MN has become, like RL, a place where disabled people and people with disabled children are not safe, not treated equally and not extended the same courtesy and respect as those without disabilities.

What happened today is just a tip of the ice berg. Day in day out threads appear with the same old theme. AIBU to use this disabled space because my baby's maxi cosy is too big and the P&T spaces are full, AIBU to use the wheelchair space on the bus (those two appear weekly by and large), AIBU to think it's nice to be disabled because you get lots of benefits, AIBU to think disabled people have it easy, AIBU to think I should have a free car too seeing as that I pay taxes.

It goes on and on and on. And none of it is ever challenged other than by a small group of us who do all this fighting in RL too - because it affects us and our children.

There is such thing as discrimination. And you do have a duty to stamp it out. Hand off moderation is no excuse certainly seeing how quick you were to delete 2shoes thread when some of us started fighting back against the endless threads of threads which in turn are copies of last week's threads.

I am very disappointed. And I think you have some thinking to do.

Best wishes

Maybe I'm sanctimoneous, but more than anything I'm scared and defensive. Have a look at my profile pictures at what I'm expected to release into a disablist society that will think he's a scrounger before he's left school.

I thought MN would understand that. By and large it doesn't

I think you are absolutely wrong to suggest that the majority of posters on mumsnet hold disablist views. I think it is a very small minority.

That's not what I said Mintty. I said most will not understand how terrifying it is to see society so negative about disabled people. Ergo how bloody sensitive I am to ignorance and snides and thoughtless comments by entitled posters.

Sorry Mintyy

Your little boy is lovely, but honestly, honestly I believe that most people here on MN are not disablist and would rather cut their fingers off than type something that could be construed as such.

On the shitty threads of the last few days the majority of people have been fighting those with stupid disablist views (I know I have, and most of the people I bother with have as well - yeah, that awful horrible in-crowd again) but I appreciate how frustrating it is to see those sorts of views expressed at all.

More frustrating that mnhq didn't delete them Shirley don't you think?
I don't think mm and I are living in a dreamworlds where there are no thick as pig shit morons who hole disabling views. On the contrary I think we are realists.
What we do expect is mnhq to adhere to their own guidelines and they don't, at least on the sn/sen boards.

Madmouse your DS is gorgeous. I don't think that anyone, unless they care for a disabled person or are disabled themselves understands just how disablist society is. That is not being sensationalist, or me having a chip on my shoulder, that is fact. The things me and my family have experienced because I am disabled are disgusting and had they have happened to another minority group the Police and society would have taken a much dimmer view!

oh madmouse your DS is gorgeous - love the elephant picture. I have no idea what his specific disabilities are or how dependent he's likely to be on you (or whoever), but I know how scared and protective I feel of my DCs growing up and having to survive in the world on their own, I can't imagine how much harder that must be when your child is unlikely to be fully independent, and have to deal with the issues in society :(

Sorry for typos am on ds1s iPad.

I hate iPads.

It's official!

no, I agree land, I know I certainly didn't/don't - I am getting a glimpse on MN and that is it.

Of course it is BadVoc. Could you try not to be so aggressive towards me now? I'm not a holder of those views, a defender of them or a defender of MNHQ deletion policy.

Ds has hemiplegic cerebral palsy and difficulty speaking (but not thinking and learning).

I am sorry if you feel I am being aggressive Shirley.
I dont think I have been so we shall just have to agree to disagree, no?

He is a real bobby dazzler ( as my dad would say!) MM.
I know he will achieve his potential because he has you for his mother.

@Mintyy

I think you are absolutely wrong to suggest that the majority of posters on mumsnet hold disablist views. I think it is a very small minority.

And we can categorically say that if anyone is reported for expressing disablist views (and they are expressing disablist views), the very least that would happen is that they'd get a mail from us. The very least...

Sorry if I'm coming late to this but would they be deleted?

HelenMNHQ that is not what I said. As I explained. That's Mintyy's words. I know you've ignored my posts all day so don't pull one out of context.

the sad thing is that whilst all this is going on, the threads that have caused the hurt are still there.
I do hope that mn hq realise the hurt they have caused by leaving them.
yesterday I spent the morning at a lovely sn school. all the young people were 16 plus and will all be in wheelchairs for their lives. they are very vulnerable as they do not do nasty, yet they are the kind of people being attacked on these threads that are deemed ok,

HelenMNHQ I am afraid I agree with madmouse. I have seen some shockingly disablist posts left up on this site far too often.

Pagwatch I think it goes with out saying that no one would ever think you would do that.

Sorry Madmouse, didn't mean to make it look as though we were ignoring you. That's certainly not the case.

If disablist posts have been left up in the past, and were reported to us, we can only apologise wholeheartedly for that.

We would hope that no disablist posts are left up now and in the future - although, obviously, we won't necessarily see them unless they are reported.

MNHQ it would be very helpful if you could spell out what you do and do not consider disablist.

I havent seen any disablist posts to be fair. Ive seen some entitled, selfish, pig ignorant, crappy ones though, which just shows up the owners of the posts for what they are - knobheads.

Helen, to be fair, every time this debate arises MNHQ say the same thing. Disablist posts are left up, I know you all have a very difficult job but some of the posts that are left are truly despicable and hurtful, and I am not ashamed to say they have made me cry in the past!