Madmouse's open letter to MNHQ about the treatment of those with disabilities on MN

[madmouse]

Dear MNHQ

I joined MN when I was pregnant with my lovely ds. That heady autumn with bump before such words as NICU, neonatal seizures, brain damage, cerebral palsy, speech delay, special school entered my vocabulary.

That was 5 whole years ago - and all that time MN has been a part of my life. Got a lot of support from my ante- and postnatal buddies and from experienced SN mums. Gave back where I could. Became ill with PTSD, found the MH threads, recovered, started to give support on the MH threads.

Now I've come to the point that the only thing stopping me from leaving MN is that I would let down people on the MH threads. Other than that your (MNHQ) behaviour today has been an eye opener and a bit of a final straw.

MN has become, like RL, a place where disabled people and people with disabled children are not safe, not treated equally and not extended the same courtesy and respect as those without disabilities.

What happened today is just a tip of the ice berg. Day in day out threads appear with the same old theme. AIBU to use this disabled space because my baby's maxi cosy is too big and the P&T spaces are full, AIBU to use the wheelchair space on the bus (those two appear weekly by and large), AIBU to think it's nice to be disabled because you get lots of benefits, AIBU to think disabled people have it easy, AIBU to think I should have a free car too seeing as that I pay taxes.

It goes on and on and on. And none of it is ever challenged other than by a small group of us who do all this fighting in RL too - because it affects us and our children.

There is such thing as discrimination. And you do have a duty to stamp it out. Hand off moderation is no excuse certainly seeing how quick you were to delete 2shoes thread when some of us started fighting back against the endless threads of threads which in turn are copies of last week's threads.

I am very disappointed. And I think you have some thinking to do.

Best wishes

Nice on, Jux!

Myth: All Wheelchairs glide along pavements in the same way as the dancers in that BBC advert.

Busted: Most NHS wheelchairs push like a £20 Argos stroller carrying a 5yo and £100 worth of tins from Lidl. The steering is akin to a 30yo shopping trolley. Put your husband in an office chair and try pushing him along the pavement if you fancy a practical demonstration.

Myth: Wheelchair users are people like me who happen to not be able to use their legs

Busted: Some are. But there are as many reasons why someone is a chair user as people using chairs. Having a physical difficulty does not preclude a person having a learning difficulty.

Myth: Someone can't talk normally, therefore their mental capacity must be impaired.

Busted: Expressive communication (speaking) and receptive communication (understanding) are dealt with separately by the brain. Just because someone can't provide a witty comeback doesn't mean they aren't calling you a wanker in their head for making them sit in the cold rain instead of folding your pram

Well done purple

This one really strikes a chord with me as my ds has brain damage in the oromotor control part of his brain so struggles to speak clearly, and cannto be hurried. But he's bright as a button.

Mad I've maet a few people with CP and it really sums them up! As much as one can generalise at least :)

Nice one

Myth: Someone who has a disability cannot work (and by association are of no value to society)

Busted: Many people do and may in fact be paying for more in tax than they receive in benefits

Myth: DLA cannot be claimed by those who work

Busted: Many people claim DLA which allows them to work, a number of those end up paying more in additional tax through working than they receive in DLA

Myth: I don't want my taxes spent on those diasbled scroungers/motability cars/wheelchairs etc

Busted: Everyone pays tax in some way. They are not "your" taxes. In fact some people who happen to have disabilities may well pay or have paid more tax than you have in their lifetime, particularly if they were lucky enough to have once been temporarily able bodied.

Myth: welcome to Holland is a good poem.

Busted: no its not. In some cases it is seriously annoying and unwelcome. Not everyone always responds the same to the same things even if they/their family has some medical similarities

I hate that welcome to Holland poem. And not just because I'm Dutch

Luckily I'd never heard of it until the last couple of years and DS wasn't dx until this year anyway so would of been fricking pointless

I like this one better: The Parody

My child does not have autism but some bits I recognise.

And the bit about meeting dirty faced angels in the playground who are kind to your child without being told to always makes me cry.

I was sorry I missed the thread, Maryz, but what I read of it here and the other thread got me thinking.

I do think that MN have handled things badly this week, for whatever reason, so was just trying to think of a way of dealing with it in the future.

Jux unfortunately things will never change this battle between entitled mothers and the rights they perceive as theirs and the fight that disabled people face day in day out will carry on such as society is and it's carried over to mn. I have met some wonderful caring people though my son but also some downright nasty individuals some are very young children but I never blamed the younger ones they learn't from parental example.

i have reported two persistant Disablist posters, given mnhq a heads up now I will sit back.

Thank you asillyphase X

Myth: Disabled people get it easy.

Busted: [[http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/hate-crimes-against-disabled-people-soar-to-a-record-level-7858841.html Hate crimes against disabled people soar to a record level
'Anti-scrounger' rhetoric blamed for doubling of offences since 2008 financial crisis]] from news on Tuesday

Myth: Benefits to the disabled have been protected and not cut

Busted: DLA has yet to be cut but there is a tax credit portion payable to families with disabled children that in many cases was halved in April

Myth: Autism and ADHD are just made up and caused by bad parenting and TV anyway

Busted: Complex MRI scans have shown anomallies in the brains of children with these conditions, often in the area of the corpus callosum, an area which coordinates activity between the two cranial hemispheres.

Myth: Parents force children into MS schools at the detriment of other pupils

Busted: Many pupils are positive contributors to their school (DS1 was Chair of the School Council in primary) but reality is that parents who choose specilaist education often face years of fights and refusal: in my city tehre are 2 palces in a suitable environment for children with ASD who can cope with academic work, I am blessed that DS1 has one of those.

Myth: Changes to the PIP payment instead of DLA for adults are just to combat fraud.

Busted: The goernment puts DLA fraud at 0.5% yet wishes to cut the budget by 20% for these benefits. People will not get help if they can wash above their waist, self propel a wheelchair inside a house, and the criteria for needing 24/7 supervision to keep others safe has been removed altogether.

Myth: Carers are happy to spend all day educating people.

Busted: Actually we have disabled people to care for and actually if you want a detailed education you can hire me, it's what I spent all my money on my MA for after all

Really hoping the thread ATM on active convos isn't a dig at us for complaining to mnhq......but I fear it is....

It sure is. I have reported it as this is actually goading. It is is allowed to stand I will leave MN altogether. Including MH which is very important to me.

Have you a link/?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/1500818-I-demand-an-explanation-MNHQ

I saw that madmouse but thought it was weird didn't really connect [thick emotion]

I think she might be.Wasnt sure.And she is in a clique I think,so others follow her.
And I do notice with certain posters like her,that MN is often very quick to jump in and also get involved.

LeBof has a DD with SN - she's hardly likely to be having a great big dig at the SN community on MN.

Very poor judgement on her part then.

Not funny.

And the way MNHQ jumped to join in really pisses me off

I didn't think it was directed at this thread, which was my point.

Oh I see, MN seems to think it's funny.

Well I don't know anymore. I'm confused and I'm MN leaving now.

I am so sorry you are so upset