Facebook to lift its ban on users under 13: your thoughts?

[HelenMumsnet]

Hello.

We hear through the DM grapevine that Facebook is getting set to lift its ban on under-13s opening accounts and joining up.

We're wondering what you all think about this.

Do you think under-13s should be able to have Facebook accounts? If so, would you be relaxed about your pre-teen child having one? If not, what exactly concerns you about children being on Facebook before the age of 13?

My children (9 and 12) nominally have FB accounts, I say nominally because the accounts exist and they do have access to them but all the controls for them are in my hands. They use them to keep up with family who are scattered around although neither of them bother with them very often.

Facebook is the easy thing to control, it is things like games with voice chat, forums, youtube and even email which are much harder.

I think teaching children to stay safe on the internet rather than banning them from it is the way to go

I think teaching children to stay safe on the internet rather than banning them from it is the way to go

This.

Forgot to add that it's easy to have multiple accounts. One that parents have access to and a second one where Jane Smith member of the Girl Guides who is practically perfect in every way morphs into HowhotamI2012?

Where there is a will there is a way

Kids are on it anyway. If they can admit they are under 13 then the inappropriate ads will not be directed at them. I think it is fine providing it is supervised by an adult who can educate them about internet safety.

soupdragon i totally agree. i know ds 3 password and helped him set up the account....internet safety is important too....

So, kaumana, how will your proposed raised age deal with the multiple account scenario?

Pretty well every child in dd's year at primary had a Facebook page; even children whose parents I had always thought were more protective than I was. So, I let dd have a page too. They were in year 5.

Result? Nasty nasty bullying, horrid comments doing the rounds etc etc etc. it was or rile. When dd became a target she stopped bothering. Luckily she and the girl who started it made up very quickly and are still friends now; dd still won't go on fb unless she absolutely has to (contact with favoured relatives abroad etc).

There'll be lots of that.

It wouldn't that's my point.

However, raising the age would stop these preteens badgering the parents for an account. It would change parents mindsets of what is age appropriate as IME age restrictions are perceived as a vague guideline only.

No doubt kids will still lie about their age to get on but it would not be a social norm at such a young age.

I like the idea of FB light as suggested by a pp but with the raised age to 15.

my friend who insisted her daughter was to go on face book at 10 had a huge scare as she had all her school friends chatting about school a man pretending to be a friend of boy at her school
got her to send pictures of herself from her camera phone then he sent pictures of himself no face of course the arranged to meet up

this was only discovered when the teacher convesated her mobile for texting in class she had fb on her phone also the pictures she sent were sexy poses police and ss were called turns out the guy was 40 from wales.

my friend still didn't learn her lesson let her son then 11 on face book he set up two accounts one official one and a real one that him and his mates(which i am told many children do by my own son who is not on fb to throw there parents off the sent) use he is now currently in the process of having counselling (to basically de programme him)he had inadvertently joined a far right group on fb and ended up being sucked in big time

some of the messages and links to far right propaganda he was been sent was shocking my friend is in bits both her children's incontinence has been stolen

when parents say oh well its ok because i can see their account

i remember my mates boy who set up a decoy account and thing parents are so naive and am glad my ds wont be getting a fb page

RISKY! FB don't want kids to see FB as a pre-adolescent thing! Sure have a junior version that you can graduate from, but don't open the gates - users switching off at 16 is what FB doesn't need!

mrsbo..."children's incontinence"...dont you mean innocence

1st thought - that's bad.
2nd thought - Probably wont make much difference. Under 13's who want to go on, are on it already!

doormat

mumnobest like worried said it just makes parents think a bit more about things and allows fb to be held to account like someone else said their is a massive issue with parents not being clued up enough to keep kids safe and also bullying which the schools will be left to clear up my sons head of year spends about 5% of her time sorting out fb drama and lately people posting video of other students wither on fb or you tube.

the fact that many schools have to remind parents that fb is not for younger children in newsletters and on their web sites says it all

they don't realize this stuff they are posing last forever and wont get deleted.

Where I live in Norway, my 2 DSDs were allowed fb accounts at 10.5yrs (one now nearly 11 the other 12.5). All their friends in their class also have accounts. The stipulation was that their parents knew their password and would keep an eye on their accounts, their parents would be their fb friends and that they were not allowed to friend/accept friend requests from anyone not in their class or known to the parents. Like a previous poster, if any of these rules were broken, laptops would be taken away. I don't really see the harm. As it was 'allowed' and not a 'grown-up mystery', it has become uninteresting and under-used.

They are only really interested in going on there to play games (a bit like 'dressing up doll' kind of ones) and don't see the point in using it much (other than to put pictures of One Direction on their timelines occasionally ). There has certainly never been any abuse or bullying. All their friends' parents are their friends as well so they all know 'adults are watching'. They seemed far more interested in a 'kids' chat community called 'Habbo' - ('Habtown', 'Habworld' etc) with avatars that can walk in and out of rooms and play games with others there. I was far more worried about this as it seemed an avatar was very easy to hide behind...but their parents have counselled them about internet safety and we have an eye over their shoulders most of the time and from those I've asked around, no-one other than under 13's seem to heard of 'Habbo' and it is supposed to run checks to make sure customers are kids (please someone correct me if I'm wrong on that). They know never to agree to meet someone or give phone numbers or addresses to strangers.

More worrying again is the smart phone thing. 12yr old DSD badgers us approx 20 times an hour for an iPhone. Turns out several girls in her class have been bought them by parents (not even for birthday/Xmas gifts) and the kudos of having all those games to hand, all day at school is just too alluring. She almost comes across like she is being teased for not having one. Grrrr spoiling parents make my blood boil ! IMHO there is no place for an under-16 to have a smart phone at all. Those data bills you'll get as they surf relentlessly at school not in a wifi zone...the uncheckable internet activity...the distraction at school through surreptitious use... Laptop use is moderately checkable and no-one without their own disposable income/need for work needs a smart phone.

Different issue for me - my foster child is 12 and absolutely desperate for fb. The no under 13's rule has worked for us up to now, but come fc's birthday it will be difficult to withold it. The concern is that there will be contact with fc's birth family via fb which potentially could cause huge problems, and we know already that the birth family have fb.

My son got a fb account at 11, when he went to a different high school to most of his primaryschool friends. The rule is I know his password & he only accepts friends requests from kids he knows.

tbh most of the problems children can encounter on fb are ones that they could encounter anywhere on the internet. I think the key is to educate kids about internet safety.

One word of warning for parents who let their children have an account early. Once fb thinks they are 18, they can see adult material. So please remember to get your child to update their dob once they are 13.

Re advertising, I go on fb at least once a day, but could not tell you about any adverts on fb, my brain just seems to ignore them!

Gymbob - that's a really valid point. I have a friend with adopted DC and I have been asked never to post photos of her on fb because there is a very slim chance the birth family might find them. At 13, they might be wise enough to realise that they have to be extremely careful. Right now, they are too young to understand the implications.

Yes DowagersHump - we also discovered that fc had posted a video of herself on youtube, and for the same reasons we had to get it removed. One birth family member is a particular potential risk. She doesn't even know the full reasons as to why we can't allow her and pictures of her to be on the internet. Like you say even explaining the implications has it's own problems especially when to her the birth family have done no wrong....tricky - well it's going to be

13 is really the youngest age you can possibly have those kind of very difficult conversations with children I think. And you shouldn't have to feel pushed into it because 'everyone else in my class has fb' reasons. But that is exactly what many foster and adoptive parents will have to do in order to explain why their children can't have an account.

I may be silly but why wouldn't adopted/foster children be able to have accounts. I don't agree with fb under 16 let alone 13 and my dd won't be having one. But as an adopted person I would like to understand why not? Maybe I'm missing the vital reason.

It would depend on the reason for the fostering/adoption. If the birth families are a potential risk to the child, the child needs to stay "hidden" so to speak.

I dont understand why parents are happily letting their children break the rules because "they are going to do it anyway!" Are these the same parents that are happy for their children to have sex under 16 "because they are going to do it anyway!"
Children should surely abide by the rules? As a parent it is up to us to teach them that!

morethanpotatoprints my fc is not allowed contact with one particular member of her birth family for her own safety - some of the indepth reasons she is not aware of and it is inappropriate to tell her at the moment. She would not understand, and wouldn't understand the implications, she doesn't know the half of it.

The other members of her birth family have supervised contact with her, In other words a social worker will sit in on contact visits and monitor what is said etc. They have to be careful that inappropriate information isn't disclosed, as it has been in the past.

How on earth can we be sure she is safe if she can get onto fb and contact the people that have damaged her. Fb is a total nightmare for social workers.