Mumsnet Homeswap - the houses are so luxurious!

[BeattieBow]

so I've just been looking at the link to the homeswapping site through the email, as this is something we are thinking of doing.

But the houses are all so luxurious! where did they come from - surely they're not mumsnetters homes? I don't think I would feel comfortable swapping with any of those luxury houses, and I'm not sure that the residents of them would want to live in my house. are there any "normal" houses in the list?

I wouldn't mind living with someone's cats or small pets. We want a holiday away from dogs and would put our two mad dogs into kennels.
We'd want someone to feed the bunny, if he makes it through the winter. He's not a friendly chap though.

GentleOtter - crikey

I have a tent you can have, if you like.

I quite like the idea of a genuine swap, but we would need to have Hovel Points, to match like with like.

Have been polishing mine. The description, not the house. Never the house.

Bijou single-storey dwelling in yokel country the heart of rural Devon. Friendly village, keen to know your business welcome newcomers. Four pubs high unemployment, shop and chocolate box cottages for you to look at while you stay in my 70s bungalow. Close to local amenities such as they are. Authentic, traditional facilities no microwave, central heating, power shower or flat screens here. All the comforts of home assuming you too live with a light coating of dog hair on every surface.

No Bof, you cannot. I am matching everyone, for 50p. I shall match you with Gentle Otter if you're not careful.

Sjue, you unaccountably seem to have left the spunkrabbit out of your description

shurrup

Sounds great, Sue.

Mine is: Four-bedroomed only two of which are really habitable, if I clean up a LOT before you arrive terrace close to shops and cinema where Marcus from X-Factor used to live, ten minutes walk from the bracing Irish Sea and Anthony Gormley's Iron Men which are nothing to write home about, five miles from the city centre which I wouldn't bother with, personally, and is dependent on your enthusiasm for cute puppies which still sometimes wee in the house and ability to ignore years of unfinished DIY.

Anyone?

You didn't mention the mennymenny nude pics of yourself around the house Boffles.

Oh, and I forgot: 'Charming blue bedroom curtains with a seaside and beach huts pattern, to remind you that you're in suburbia and nofuckingwhere near any fucking sea whatsoever. Great for that can't afford a real seaside holiday, stay in bed with a hangover feeling.'

Sudden thought: isn't there a MNer here with chocolate brown walls and a bright orange sofa? I dimly remember something like that from the 'MNers Hello Magazine' thread.

Saying that, she's probably on Mansionswap, not Hovelswap.

Oh Boffy, I like the idea of hovel points. Tell you what, we should all put our house pictures up and then a JURY of mn royalty the chosen few should judge the pictures and award the hovel points before houses could go on the swap list. I am sure that would work out really well .

It would be the first thread to melt Mumsnet's servers in people's haste to click, I reckon, Bibs

Anyone want my house? Bog Standard miner's terrace in ex pit village. Must know how to light fires and be a quick learner to heat water without burning the house down else be content to have no heat and boil kettles for hot water. Muscles necessary for lugging fuel in. Mod cons include an oven that only half works, washing machine and a pulley airer (it has to count as a mod con, tis very fashionable to be green you know). Decor has a retro feel (orange dining room, artex on every ceiling, carpets so old they smell every time you spill a drink) with quirky, shabby chic furnishings (more shabby than chic). Perfect for potty training infants as everything has been weed and shat on several times before. Lovely rural location (actually that bit contains no hidden sarcasm, it is true) with regular (but not frequent) public transport to the nearest city. Shops and takeaways of a dubious nature in next village. Internet provided but don't count on it being fast enough to do anything useful. House mostly full of lego and playmobil. Park 30 seconds away. Shed full of random bikes and balls.

Sleeps 6 (2 doubles and a twin). Couple of cots and travel cots lurking for extra babies. Electric blanket provided in loft room. You'll soon work out why.

Great idea, bibbity - a domestic judgefest! Extra hovel points for photographs of piles of toys, grubby sinks, piles of washing up, especially cluttered corners, random cobwebs and dusty skirting boards. A special Tat Award for ugly memorabilia and unwanted gifts from in-laws.

It would be The Thread That Ate Mumsnet

I bring an Elvis clock and green shag pile carpet.

I like the sound of yours, Indith. I'm only sorry I left the shit and piss out of my particulars - you are clearly a marketing genius.

Gosh, not sure anyone would want my 2 bed flat in a lovely 1960's block.

What's the view like, acsec?

I'll swap you LeBOF, fecking freezing bracing seaside holidas are a family tradition.

I might just take you up on that, Indith A change is as good as a rest, after all, and yours doesn't sound like much of a rest. I think we are quite well-matched.

I've done an MN houseswap [preens] It was BRILLIANT for us

I've never dared mention it on here again in case the person who swapped revealed all about my house, but i think perhaps she doesn't post any more, or at least has namechanged. So have I, come to that. when I told my mother I was about to do a swap she was literally like this and came to do a massive clean for me beforehand, but it was the Augean stables all over again. Certainly when i went to the lovely spotless abode i was a bit but having said that it was a real house in a real place. We really enjoyed it, the location was fab.

So I'm definitely up for a HovelSwap. Do we have to declare Fly or Non-Fly? No asthmatics had better come to mine tbh, they might die from dust.

Well it could provide some rest, the lovely thing about the colour of the carpets is that you can't really tell if any housework has been done . Dd would take very good care of your puppies. Very good care. After bonding over peeing on the carpet she will make them all sit down for a tea party. You might find them looking a little crumpled from all the hugging, cowering under the beds upon your return.

4 bed Sarf London terraced house. Spacious reception room and play room so spacious because the furniture ordered has yet to arrive so there is actually no furniture unless you count lots of pillows and a duvet to sit on. Lovely kitchen (this bit is true, it is a lovely lovely kitchen) with all mod cons except for washing machine, dishwasher and microwave as they are also yet to arrive, order made over three weeks ago now, delivery promised in 5 days hafuckingha. First floor has family bathroom, two doubles and one single room, but only one of the bedrooms has a bed as these two have to fucking be delivered can you see a pattern , finally the lovely fresh attic conversion, fresh because it's fucking freezing up there with an ensuite wet room wet room because it's very wet . Redeeming features: nice garden. High Street at the end of the road where you can buy rice and spices and odd vegetables that I have never heard the name of. Local hospital nearby which is handy given there were a couple of shootings up the road last week and cosy pubs so cosy that you get punched if you're not a local .

There's a downstairs loo though if that helps.

hovel swap?

how about a tiny shack swap?