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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

MNHQ

Let's talk about sex toys (well, ads for them on Mumsnet), please

486 replies

HelenMumsnet · 07/10/2011 11:51

Hello.

We'd like your opinions, please, on Mumsnet taking ads for stores/sites that sell sex toys.

We accepted a campaign for one site like this earlier in the week - and then removed it after receiving a fair number of complaints.

So, what we need to know now is...

Do you mind ads for stores/sites that sell sex toys - generally speaking?

Does it matter which stores/sites these are? And what kind of stuff they're selling?

And, if you wouldn't run a mile from these kinds of ads, would you be happy to see them all over Mumsnet (with the obvious exception of our more sensitive topics such as Bereavement, Special Needs, Relationships, Miscarriage etc)? Or would you prefer them only to be in Chat?

Do please post and let us know your thoughts.

Thanks MNHQ

OP posts:
Hullygully · 08/10/2011 14:41

This isn't the thread for it (or is it?), but it is an interesting area of debate, the whole right to sexual enjoyment etc etc

PinotScreechio · 08/10/2011 14:45

ooh Hully

LeninGrad · 08/10/2011 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pan · 08/10/2011 14:52

I could go both ways on this one.......

Restricting access, via this site, to 'adult' stuff seems a bit wrong, and people would still enjoy the power to click-or-not-to-click. I don't have a cardi to clutch or bosoms to re-adjust (tho' was just accused of being a Mary Whitehouse figure....). I do doubt if having such ads would result in an increase in sexually abusive practices - men who are into that won';t be on here in the first place, as likely as not. And having them would/could liberate the taboo of sex toys we still have.

JeremyVile · 08/10/2011 15:02

"I could go both ways on this one"

Popular phrase on the Lovehoney review section.

Hullygully · 08/10/2011 15:07
Pan · 08/10/2011 15:08

Ka-disshhh!

Pan · 08/10/2011 15:09

(sound of Hully's glass thing breaking under pressure of usage...)

fatcaaah · 08/10/2011 16:57

Re where to draw the line:

As I said on the other thread, I'm hard to shock or offend but the more extreme products on the love honey site did shock me wrt being advertised on mn. The 'medical toys' mostly.

If you struggle with where to draw the line with having sex product advertising on here and are needing to canvass for opinions then I would say that no to all would be the best option.

Are you really going to fully investigate every page of every sex site that comes to you to check how far their products go?

Which one if you would get that job?!

Princessescanclimbtreestoo · 08/10/2011 17:30

Another 'no' vote from me

DandyLioness · 08/10/2011 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMitfordsMaid · 08/10/2011 17:39

I think the messages coming out of MNHQ are very confused. On one hand, they are pushing the whole family-friendly message with the hall of fame and then asking about ads for sex toys. It doesn't really sound like they've thought it through at all.

I can't see many of the companies in the hall of fame wanting to see their brands muddied by an association with a site that advertises sites like LoveHoney.

I wouldn't want to see these sort of ads on MN, for lots of reasons. It might well be enough to drive me permanently onto Twitter. I've definitely used MN less since I got into Twitter in any case.

DandyLioness · 08/10/2011 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Uppity · 08/10/2011 18:39

"I do doubt if having such ads would result in an increase in sexually abusive practices"

I can't remember anyone suggesting that.

What I do think it would do, is inhibit anyone asking for support. And undermine them when they do. As others have said, it turns this place from a "safe space", into the same old space women inhabit in the rest of the world - the space where our needs, desires, wants, feelings and concerns, are automatically considered less important than those of men.

The thing that makes me sad about the dumbing down of MN, is that it's the first place outside of my all girls secondary school, where I have found that the world revolves around what women think and say and do and feel and the discussion and insights revolve around that. Which of course, is why large parts of the media despise it. And now MNHQ appear to be trying to counter that contempt by turning this space into a space like every other one on the internet - a space where women are constantly reminded, that they should not expect their feelings and needs to be treated with the same respect and consideration as those of men.

Ah well.

ReaperView · 08/10/2011 18:47

I've not yet read the whole tread but imo you can't campaign to let girls be girls at the same time as allowing advertising for a site that sells sexy school girl outfits.

TheMitfordsMaid · 08/10/2011 18:53

Good point, Reaper.

HoneyMomster · 08/10/2011 18:54

yy uppity

CristinadellaPizza · 08/10/2011 19:00

Fab post Uppity

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 08/10/2011 19:06

I'm not sure if I'm playing devil's advocate here, but surely there are some women who do enjoy being trussed up in a straightjacket for sex, so there will be some women who are toying with the idea. They may already feel "wrong" about this, especially if they've read posts on this thread and/or the other about how "demeaning" women is doing wrong to all women... Wouldn't it be good for such women to click on links which shown they are not in fact total deviant weirdos? If this equipment is so readily available, it's because there's a market for it, and I can't believe that every piece of bondage gear is sold to abusive men, to be used on unwilling women.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 08/10/2011 19:08

I'd support a separate "sex" forum, the ads could be there.

ahhyesiseeyouvepooedonyourfoot · 08/10/2011 19:12

I agree oldlady and said so earlier, but everyone ignored me :( lots of women on the s&m scene and we they certainly aren't demeaned! also quite like the idea of a seperate sex forum - a compromise mumsnet ?

GetOrfMo1Land · 08/10/2011 19:19

A agree with soupdragon in that we are very fortunate that MN listen to their membership pretty much 100% of the time wrt their advertising - just thinking of removing ads for news international products, and Iwantgreatcare, just in the last 6 months.

I don't know if any other forum genuinely listens to their reader's opinions when it relates to cold, hard revenue. I have faith that they will listen to the majority view with this as well.

But also - this is a business to them, not a social enterprise. There will be commercial links that not everyone will approve of.

But I hope that they will listen to us on this - I don't give a monkeys if someone wants to shove a glass zigzag up their jacksie, really, but I dislike the fact that this has become somewhat normal, and I think the link to hardcore porn is inextricably linked. So - no thanks. Porn is vile and so is a lot of this stuff.

Uppity · 08/10/2011 19:19

Oh Oldlady, the rest of the world is telling women that there's nothing wrong or deviant with being tied up.

The rest of the world tells women that sex is all about dressing up, games, sex toys, props, role play etc.

Mumsnet has been a safe space where women can come and say "I don't want to do xyz" and with the exception of the handmaidens and the trolls, they have been told: "if you don't want to, you have the right not to. Your feelings about this are valid". As well as a space where women can ask about BDSM and not be told they're dirty or deviant.

The acceptance of this sort of advertising, tells those who don't want to do sex toys, porn, gimp masks etc., that they're now in a space where their feelings as usual, as in the rest of the world, aren't valid. A few individual posters will carry on giving them good advice, telling them that they have a right to their feelings, while the space itself is a space where the opinions of the trolls and the handmaidens are endorsed. It's a completely different dynamic.

Whereas a woman coming on and feeling a bit worried about wanting to try BDSM, isn't going to be disadvantaged by the fact that there are no ads for it. It is about power balance.

Honestly, the rest of the world is full of stuff that tells women they should try everything at least once, however unappealing. I just don't see why it's MN's job to come down on the side of the experimental, mainstream-approved unsure BDSM-er, against the unsure, not wanting to do something her DP wants her to do vanilla woman, when not having any ads would be neutral. IMO.

GetOrfMo1Land · 08/10/2011 19:20

Oh yes and a big fat no to Ann Summers as well, if only from a pure style and beauty snob aspect.

If I want nylon scratchy knickers I will get myself down to Peacocks.

AlysWorld · 08/10/2011 19:23

If they feel 'wrong' then a thread discussing it would be great, where then likeminded people can all say 'whoopie doo', and people who aren't likeminded could say 'what about...'. All the shades of gray can be discussed.

An ad is not. It is black and white and divisive. Some people would like that stuff to be normalised, some people would fight to stop that. Some people think being put in a straightjacket with blacked eyes and a doll is the bee's knees, some people have had such stuff done to them as abuse. The latter should not be sold out to suit the former.

And a separate sex forum should also be able to encompass those who just lurve anal speculums and those who are working out how to cope with sex following abuse with speculums, so ads promoting one perspective would still not be appropriate.

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