MUMSNET a serious and I think important suggestion

[ImGideonsMumAndIHateHimToo]

After a week of allsorts and watching a DV escapee being torn apart for her benefits elsewhere, I would like a safe support zone which is the posting opposite of AIBU where people can ask questions when really vulnerable and scared and not get ripped apart.

I recognise a lot of points amde by people are valid but there is AIBU and politics for that, that system isn;t working though.

I think it could be invaluable as ATM MN has lost teh support aspect it had when I joined 320 yaers ago.

Thanks.

Because "what would you do" implies that you are asking a question and it is not what I understand OP is after. I think she wants a place where you can just talk about things that hurt to off load them without necessarely asking for anything else but a bit of support and encouragement.

Thanks for this suggestion ImGideonsMum.

I have NEVER EVER felt the need to do this on MN before, but I reported a particularly vile and abusive post on the thread you refer to in your OP. It has now been removed.

I used to work in a Women's Aid refuge. I've also been the victim of DV myself, and I have been feeling physically sick reading some of the cruel and judgemental garbage thrown at that poor woman today.

"Safe Zone" sounds ideal. I have a feeling that we are going to need it.

I agree 100% I have not posted to ask advice for a long time because I know some tosser will decide to pick a fight. It did used to be a great pace for support VBUT it's very different now.

It could be a question

It might not be

The other day I would have used it to get really upset that we were likely to see our already low income hit by £6k and hopefully not called whatever it was.

today I am stronger and able to pile in with the debate 9and think we've sorted the £6K) but that wasn't what I needed.

Sn is safe: someone can post @Hurrah we got DLA' and not get a single 'you cow,, that's my taxes' or 'bring abck the workhouse' (that's NOT Mn myth; i've ahd it in the past); that securoiity shouldn;t only happen outside of SN.

Once upon a time, somene posting on MN about benefits after leaving a DV relationship would have been applauded, given immense support and probably practical help; OK MN is bigger now and the 1-1 aspect has probably ended but a torrent of abuse? FFS

The converse dise of course is that it's also important people are able to discuss benefits etc without fear of upsetting someone vulnerable passing by for advice.

Its logical that AIBU has an opposite. Then AIBU might be less worrying as well.

surely this is why we have off the beaten track

it's not hard to find, tis in other stuff, drop down the More button and there it is

If you know it's there

The whole premise of being OTBT is not going to help someone happening by for advice is it? It needs to be (IMO) obvious

OTBT is a bit hidden with not being in active, I imagine if it was in active it would get a lot more traffic.

It may be that OTBT is a valid arena, ATM i think it has taken on a different angle- lots of community posts etc, I do wonder if someone passing by might find it cliquey? We want people to feel welcomed, surely? It's great that shiney etc has somewhere to hold her threads, am not sure that doubles as a safe place though.

Maybe AIBU should be the tick boxed one, might have the same overall effect.

My ideal would be somewhere, a thread that you get directed to wehn you register, where you can post safely. If every registering person is directed to OTBT, well OTBT becomes ON the track, surely?

The point of OTBT was to house more private threads, not to provide a drop-in advice service. Of course it needs to be a bit awkward to find, or it wouldn't do what it says on the tin.

Seriously, I think you are barking up the wrong tree with this. And nobody has really addressed the points I brought up about trolls and fakes, which the proposed new topic would attract in droves.

Agree with BOF re it being a troll magnet. The thread mentioned in the OP started out as a benefits cut thread. It was only after a couple of posters had a go that the abuse background was explained. And then once people are arguing, they tend to be in it for the long haul. And there was LOADS of support on there. The majority of posters were supportive when I was reading it. Somebody posting about leaving an abusinve marriage would definitely get lots of support.

See, I refuse to live my life in fear of trolls and fakes: i;ve been ahd before, so what>? You don;t offer too much, you keep safe and absolutely if a troll is revealed you shrug and say 'twat'.

BitOf the otehr day I almost left MN; I posted about being petrified and has real abuse, lots about carers not doing anything really, entitlement complex etc. Feeling vulnerable didn;t even cut how I felt afterwards- broken more like it. I asn;t even aware then of OTBT and oyu know what, I don;t think manya re- look at the poster numbers there. I even read a post about what you ahve to do get a reply there.

It in no way fulfils the criteria.

Sooner or later MN will have a random pile in and something abd will happen. it's great that people like yourself are strong enough to shrug it off but MN ahs an ethos of 'well if you can;t handle it go find babycentre' and I don't think that's always right or admmirable.

BOF while I agree with the troll points you make, how do you know these people are trolls? I was accused of trolling when I most certainly was not (diff ID) but it was a very serious need for support and advice. I think half the people thought of as trolls could be completely genuine posters in bad situations

You know, the area of which we speak (which I assume is a nogo anyway from MNHQ silence) would actually be possibly be better in that if you go in assuming people are absolutely anything and deal only with the story as presented it might be easier to avoid being trolled in any effective way.

Too often teh ebst trolls lure us into security over time and back stories: this is anything but. Poeple postinmg long running threads could be moved to OTBT once the sense of urgency / getting help has gone, after all.

Totally agree, Lenin.

yep lg

thing is, I think a lot pf people so want mn to be their fight club

That's aprtly it though LG: I do worry that one day soemone will coem on, get flamed and NOT live to see another day.

I think it's unrealistic to even aspire to a safe zone/safe haven - as an open site by it's nature cannot guarantee anything. BUT it could be self-moderated to an extent like SN board is - i.e. we mostly rub along nicely, and think before flaming...

Exactly TC- best we can do.

And really, Sn usually is pretty damned good.

Who would opt in though? It's not like SN is it - where there is a clear link, or purpose, for opting in. It's too broad an idea for opt in surely?

Right, all yopu lot who think MN can self moderate- threetimespink has just told someone on the thread Imentioned below that she should ahve stayed in a DV relationship rather than be a scrounger.

Self moderate, please.

ting is the op is right, there are people on here who have no conscience, the just jump in and kick.