MUMSNET a serious and I think important suggestion

[ImGideonsMumAndIHateHimToo]

After a week of allsorts and watching a DV escapee being torn apart for her benefits elsewhere, I would like a safe support zone which is the posting opposite of AIBU where people can ask questions when really vulnerable and scared and not get ripped apart.

I recognise a lot of points amde by people are valid but there is AIBU and politics for that, that system isn;t working though.

I think it could be invaluable as ATM MN has lost teh support aspect it had when I joined 320 yaers ago.

Thanks.

Good idea, I posted under a different name about some genuine problems and it didn't run too smoothly. MN can be a bit unfriendly at times and when you are very vulnerable and upset that is not helpful at all

"Can we have a mandatory joined on date that follows you on every name change? (will stop some of the shouts of troll) just month and year"

While I think this is a good idea, I think it can lead to two problems.

1. If someone is "known" on MN, and people recognise their joining date (like Peachy's will say "MNer since 1690", so pretty recongisable )
2. If someone has just signed up and is genuinely in need, people may still think they're a troll, rather than genuine.

Maybe if people just report like crazy if things kick off, and MNHQ keeps on eye on more "vulnerable" topics, like Relationships and AIBU?

quietly- it was introduced becuase of the number of people seeing titles like @please help toilet train ds (7) and posting @how lazy of you for not doing this before, you should have a sw called in' without noticing that OP was posted in SN section; it was designed to stop that. Anyone is still welcome, it's just a 'please be aware' thing

Argh typed long post LOL, then PC flicked out- dammit

I agree MN can be supportive but I am finding lots isn;t atm: certainly within Sn I am aware of an increasing number of posters who no longer post on main board becuase of what can happen. That's an absolute shame.

Title- liking the flamed one except I would think the perfect one is something that a newbie in real distress can happen by at 2am when her life is collapsing around her and see as a good palce to post. In MN speak 'Vipers Please Pass By' or @The Opposite Of AIBU' woudl be great but it really needs to be inclusive. Not exclusive- for everybody and anybody- just accessible.

SN isn;t more heavily moderated tbh- genuine human decency hs seemed to be enough. And those spoiling for a fight can easily not tick the box or avoid. MNHQ don;t delete posts becuase of going tits up as a matter of course (minimal intereference policy) so I think that would conplimant the existing site, whereas deleting things with a mass report works aginst the MN ethos doesn't it?

My start date woudln't actually be proper- would many? I think I started as the uninspiring clairgod (an abbreviation of my maiden name, not a complex!) and then lost access to that email so had to start from scratch.

worth a go, isn't it?

I totally agree with op. Never saw the DV one, but I can only imagine how well it was received [hhmm]

Still ther 5and, its called can I ask a benefits question or similar. Though I did rant on it so probably people running away LOL

PLease MNHQ, can we have a reply?

benefits- can anyone advise, that was it.

"And Off The Beaten Track is so far off the beaten track I can never find it."
[hgrin]
I think it is a good idea.
but tbh mn seems slow to set up topics ATM I asked a while back if there could be a benefits one, as there are so many threads it is a pain hiding them all......zilch.

the thread you are talking about is horrid and full of nasty posts.

2shoes - but we'ld need 2 topics for benefits, one for the bashers, and one for genuine queries

More than that TC- one for bashers, one for queries, and one for genuinely needy (as defined by MN) whoa re not allowed wardrobes.

Benefit queries sholud probably go under Money Matters.

I agree. A place for proper support would be good.

Top idea.

The problem in Relationships recently has been caused by trolls, especially the male one(s). This has created a climate of suspicion.

The difficulty with a "safe" topic in which criticism or questioning is actively frowned upon, is that it will be a magnet for the emotionally vampiric fakes which pop up from time to time here. And people will get sucked in and hurt.

I think that it is much better for us to just moderate ourselves and for other MNers to point out when somebody is being insensitive or twattish, rather than setting up a whole new topic for handholding. And if it is to be 2opt-in2 and relatively private, it won't be particularly accessible to the theoretical last resort middle-of-the-night angsty newbies that the OP is envisioning anyway, surely?

Just my twopence worth.

but back to topic, I really think it is needed.
also do people get any suggestions when joining mn?
there is a thread in AIBU by a new poster, who aske what AIBU meant, surely AIBU is not a good place for first post.

BOF it doesn;t have to be question free does it?

but 'I am not sure that is the best course of action' is different to some of the full on verbals here recently

it could work, the sn topic does, there is rarely a row on there(wouldn't be right never to row) but people tend to realize that people need support not a bashing.
if it was opt in like sn that would help too

I just think that you are asking for something that is completely unnecessary: people generally get fantastic support in Relationships, and even in Chat.

All that is needed is some common sense and courtesy, and for posters to remind people of that when needs be.

I like quietlysuggests suggestion in her Fri 22-Oct-10 14:10:10 post.

Erm- we already have "what would You Do?"

A nice version of AIBU

sorry I disagree(don't know about relationships as I never go in there) but there seems to be a nasty air at the moment. I posted in teens and asked advice, got loads, but still got a couple of rather odd posts.
now I can take it, but some can't, the nastyness of some posters know no bounds, and some people need a safe place.

And nobody uses it, Cap'n.

but WWYD is a silly topic, I have never been in it as I don't get the point of it.

WWYD isn't something I ever see used.

TBH it's up to MNHQ. I know this week it would have saved me a lot of pain.

i would welcome a safehaven too.