Lost my sex drive in a happy long-term relationship, any advice?

[Newuser95325]

Iv lost all interest in sex and I don’t know why or how to get it back.
it happened previously with my exh but he was a really horrible person so I put it down to that.
This time I have been with my partner for 8 years. We used to have the most amazing sex but now it just feels like a chore and basically hassle. My partner is extremely kind and loving, I love him and all that he is. He would try anything I asked so if anyone has suggestions then I’m sure he would be happy to oblige. We are planning on getting married next year but the sex has just disappeared.
we are both in our 40’s each with 2 of our own teenagers still living at home. So 4 teens in the house didn’t help.
I have no drive at all now and I would really like to get it back. We get alone time in the day as we decided to take Fridays off work to get some time for us but the drive still isn’t there.
we live together in a home we fully renovated together but we have recently finished it so we don’t have much stress there either

So you have no sex drive at all - in contrast to, say, just not wanting it with him?

You may not have current stress but might you be a bit worn out from the last few years?

Could it be hormone related or is it a loss of desire?

Can you have a weekend away? What does your partner have to say about the situation he must have noticed?
Is it the menopause and maybe have a word with a health professional?

What ever you do, keep talking to your DP. It's essential that he knows you want your sex drive back.
As the PP says, hormonal issues are worth investigating, and consider talking to a sex therapist together. (You'll get better advice from a professional than amateurs.)

Menopause?

We have teens in the house so I can definitely relate to how tricky it can be to get time alone. I sometimes send my DH a sexy message and we build from there. Maybe buy some underwear that you feel amazing in to give yourself a boost. It could be hormonal changes for you.

Are you still having sex? If so, do you enjoy it when you start or are you not even getting into it then?

No answers I'm afraid, just empathy! I used to have a high sex drive / spontaneous desire and I wasn't expecting it to vanish when menopause came along but it literally dropped off a cliff. I wish I had known, I'd have appreciated (and used it) far more had I known time was finate!

I can still enjoy someone else's enjoyment of sex and enjoy pleasing them and the intimacy so it isn't completely off the cards but I would love for there to be a way to get my old va va voom back!

Maybe you need to go back to basics, try to remember how it was when you first got together. It shouldn't feel like a chore, maybe some lingerie or try aphrodisiac foods, supplements etc.

Have you discussed HRT with your GP? For many, it's better than Spanish Fly. 🤪